Curious if Polyamory is right for me.... or am I just un satisfy-able??

[GalaGirl]

Sooooo many failed relationships in my past, and now this one.

Perhaps it's time to let go of that language, "failed relationship," and think about using compatible/incompatible; healthy/unhealthy.

I don't think my break-ups were "failures." Horrible would have been to keep on going with them, like going through the motions. It was better to accept that we were not compatible or had grown in different directions. Both could move on. Nobody was "bad" or had "failed," we were just not panning out together.

You seem to really be in a time of grief and taking it hard, if this has to end. I'm sorry for that.

I do not feel seen or heard or validated in this relationship!!

Then it's not a healthy relationship in the "two-way street" kind of way, where there's relating "back and forth" going on.

I NEED CONNECTION. I NEED EMPATHY and GENUINE INTEREST. As much as I WANT to stay with him and love him forever, I don't think I am capable of being in a monogamous relationship where I am not getting those deep needs met.

Yup. You can't. It's not enough if he's emotionally closed off and has no plans to address that. Even if he agreed to poly, all of those problems would still be there.

Galagirl

 

[Bobbi]

I’ve Dated so many “nice” guys. Just because they are nice doesn’t mean they are relationship material for you. If a person doesn’t make you feel heard, respected, or cared for, or show empathy, emotionally availability or connection then you shouldn’t have a relationship, even friendship, with them. To me, these are the basics. for a partner I also need affection, top notch communication, and transparency. Yes, no one person can be everything to you, but they should meet the basics. If not, it’s time to find someone who does.

you can spend months or even years trying to make a bad relationship work because of social programming that says “if it doesn’t work out then you have failed as a person.” Let that shit go! It takes 2 to make a healthy relationship work but it only takes 1 to destroy it. No amount of work on your part will fix it. Just ask yourself “at what point will you feel like you wasted months or years of your life trying to make a bad relationship work vs finding a possible amazing one (or ones)?”

hindsight is always 20/20. I know people who wasted a decade only to wish they dropped it when the red flags flew.

 

[Albert Ross]

I don't expect him to fulfull ALL of my needs. That's another reason I'm here. We can't be everything to anyone. It's too much pressure. Maybe SOME people can IDK, but I have not experienced this phenomenon.

I NEED CONNECTION. I NEED EMPATHY and GENUINE INTEREST.

Sure, one person might not meet ALL OF your needs, but the things you've put in capital letters here are basically definitional for intimate relationships. If you're not getting at least those needs met, that's a big problem!

 

[Albert Ross]

Perhaps it's time to let go of that language: "failed relationship," and think about using compatible/incompatible; healthy/unhealthy.

I want to reinforce this, too. You're not broken. You haven't failed. You can't "fail" at your life. You can only live it, change, grow, accept.