Dealing with partner's "honeymoon phase" with their new partners??

[AnnikaAtlas]

My male partner and I have always been poly philosophically but never found a partner. Now I'm pregnant and would like him to branch out-- being a mother in a few months has me over the moon, and now more than ever, I feel kind of checked out of our relationship (sexually especially).

My issue is that he is very, very sweet and generous in the beginning of relationships. I'm having trouble listening him to be so supportive and giving to other girls while I get the "lived in" relationship, where he is much more needy and much more honest. Instead of a new girl picking up my slack, I feel like I'm giving the same and getting less-- he still expects dinner each night and his sexual needs taken care of, but is worn thin on listening to problems or spending time together.

Any advice? I figure as they get closer this issue resolves itself but he keeps accusing me of being "too jealous" to continue seeking this girl when I try to explain my frustrations. For example, I got pretty tiffed when he insisted that I jack him off, and then started texting her while I was doing it! Like, damn, if she's that important, why can't SHE be here jerkin' your gherkin??

 

[Inyourendo]

I'm going to tell you that i don't think this is a good time for him to seek others, when the baby comes you are going to need him to be there. You are also going to be going through a lot of hormonal changes as it it. He's your partner and you are pregnant and then you will be caring for an infant, of course he's not getting the same attention amd cate as before. He's going to have to step up now, not step out. He needs to understand that your relationship is going to be different and his expectations needs to change. You are growing a baby, he should make you dinner. He should understand that you are tired and can't give sex as much as before.

I'm pretty disgusted by his behavior to be honest, he sounds really immature and entitled.

 

[JustCurious83]

Honeymooner

I am in the opposite boat from you. I'm the new gf of a married couple that are trying to have a baby. I'm at their house more than mine so I see they're day to day interactions and it really bothers me to see him so sweet with me but loose patience with her so quickly. Everything that I have read says that in a triad no one can fix the other 2 peoples relationship that it destroys trust so I try not to interfere unless I am specifically asked about something. Given all of that have you ever thought that maybe she is just as insecure about all of this as you are because I bet she has more concerns than anyone knows.

 

[kdt26417]

Hi AnnikaAtlas,

I think that when you are about to have a baby is not the time for your partner to be looking for new people to date. You're going to need his 100% attention when the baby arrives. If he already has a new girlfriend, maybe the thing for him to do is apologize to her and break up with her. Then, you and he should focus on taking care of your child. A newborn demands more than 7/24 of your time and attention.

Regards,
Kevin T.

 

[GalaGirl]

I'm sorry you are struggling.

Instead of a new girl picking up my slack, I feel like I'm giving the same and getting less-- he still expects dinner each night and his sexual needs taken care of, but is worn thin on listening to problems or spending time together.

I'm a bit taken aback by that. I apologize that I cannot think of a nicer way to ask...

Are you saying that you believe that both you and new girl exist just to serve him? And him having a new GF means that you can finally catch a break so you can devote your attention to the new baby you BOTH made rather than devoting your attention on serving him?

If so? I think that's messed up. He is able to make his own dinner and he is able to masturbate and meet his own sex needs. You guys made a bay together. He could step up on meeting the needs of mom and child right now rather than expecting you to be superhuman.

Any advice? I figure as they get closer this issue resolves itself but he keeps accusing me of being "too jealous" to continue seeking this girl when I try to explain my frustrations.

You could simply agree: You don't want him to seek a new GF at this time.

And don't get sidetracked on him calling it you "being jealous" rather than it being "him not meeting needs at home." Agree to disagree on that point.

Rather than go round in circles, get on to hiring frozen meal service and a maid to help out with the housekeeping load. Spend the date money there so both of you benefit.

For example, I got pretty tiffed when he insisted that I jack him off, and then started texting her while I was doing it! Like, damn, if she's that important, why can't SHE be here jerkin' your gherkin??

Talk about not being PRESENT!

If you don't want sex, and he's insisting, don't agree just to shut him up.

Some of the things in your dynamic are concerning. I'm sorry you are not getting to "nest" in the way you'd like right now and prepare for birth.

Could it be HE is jealous of the BABY? Like baby has all you attention? And he's acting out? Has he always been this way or is this new since the pregnancy?

Galagirl