DeepBlue in deep trouble... again...

[GalaGirl]

Glad to hear you know how you want to handle it.

You would be prefer to practice poly with both of them.

If not all are willing? Then the next best choice for you would be disband the monogamous marriage with a peaceful, amicable divorce so your husband is free FROM any poly things he does not want, and you are free TO poly (or not) in a clean way. But at least get to live more authentically.

You are taking a 6 mos time out to get centered and grounded. To be sure this really is the path you want to take and aren't being impulsive. You are keeping the needs of dependents in front of you.

You sound like you are approaching it as best and as responsibly as you can. I commend you.

Sounds like Old Flame was a game changer for you. Whether or not he still is around after your divorce wanting to start a poly thing with you or not... it sounds like you realize you don't want monogamous marriage any more.

It happened because the other man's wife took on a lover. And he decided not to make her choose. But he felt very bad.

TBH, I think you are handling it better than Old Flame over in his situation. I get that he didn't want to make wife choose between him or her new lover. But he's not choosing anything about how HE wants to live either. He's choosing to stay in a situation that makes him unhappy rather than go "Wife, I love you. But not even for you will I stay in a thing that doesn't fit me any more or hurts me. Best we part ways and figure out how to be good coparents. Both us live how we want to live. "

Where you seem willing to let the relationship shape go so you can be more true to you and live more how you want to live. You ARE willing to part ways to set both spouses free and move on to figuring out how to be good coparents instead.

GL!
Galagirl

 

[DeepBlue]

Oriente baxter

I'm not sure if you're aware but the name Deepblue is actually a very famous chess program - the first to defeat the world's greatest chess player Kasparov. Deepblue is famous for being able to think so many steps into the future that no human could match it. Is that why you chose the name? For analytical thought?

Hi Shaya,

I feel bad for not writing a response to your posts - because I did find it very useful what you wrote. I spent a lot of time reading, following links. And I am still not ready to write my thoughts about it all.

I am very aware of DeepBlue, the chess program. I live in a math environment. I am practiced in analytical thinking, but I am not a mathematician, myself. (And I am not a very good chess player, my husband usually wins; except if he is tired or distracted.) But I had an additional reason to choose the name. It is about the deep blue color that the ocean takes when you sail offshore.

 

[MeeraReed]

Hi DeepBlue,

You may want to share your story in the "Poly Relationships Corner" section of this forum, because some of the most experienced (and, in my opinion, helpful) posters on the forum don't necessarily read & respond to the Introductions section. You may get a wider range of advice for your situation.