Im just going to lay it all out in the open. I apologize if this seems like a long post. I just need some advice.
My fiance and i have been together for 3 years as of may of this year. Back in november of 2017 we decided to move to Florida. We uprooted our own lives and the lives of her children from previous relationships in june 2018 and moves to Florida to start a new life together. We had planned to by a home, and be together. As a family.
Things didnt pan out for either of us job wise so we struggled for a bit. She was able to start a job before i was and it was decent enough pay that i stayed home with the kids. In late july she introduced me to a co worker of hers that was hung up on another co worker of theirs and we all became friends. My fiance and i both agreeded that he was a nice guy. He and i became friends quickly. My fiance and this co worker went out with some of his friends on august 25th and ended up sleeping together. She came home the next day and i could tell something had happened between them. But she had to go to work shortly after getting back. The next day while we were in the car she confessed that something did happen and she felt guilty. I admit i had already known, i wasn't upset. That night when they both finishes out their shifts at work we all talked. I gave her 3 options.
1. We take time and focus on us because with all the changes taking place in our lives recently we grew apart.
2. She chooses him. He offers her the embodyment of everything we moved here for. A fresh start.
3. She dates both of us equally. Because i dont want there to be ant doubt about us in our committed relationship and i dont want to ruin a possible real relationship with him.
It was an emotional night because they both have feelings for each other and she still has feelings for me. She decides that she wants to try with both of us. I tell them i fully support it but we need to set ground rules. We also agree that we should have set date nights.
A week goes by and she starts spending a majority of her time with him. They sleep together on our couch. They cuddle. I start to feel left out already.
Thursday she and i have a date night. Wine and blankets out on the pier at sunset. Romance is present. Shes present. We come home and i feel like she wants to be with him so we make love then he comes over. A real set of rules were not in place at this time. She says when we had sex that night it felt off.
The next day we all meet for brunch to discuss things. During the week leading to this point i was researching ways this could work. Open communication, being emotionally supportive, discussing everything. Our individual needs and wants. I come to our brunch with a list of things im ok with. Things im not ok with and a set od guidelines. The main things on my list were that i ask that they use condoms, include me in talks about the relationship, and just be honest about everything.
Things between them continue as they have the previous week. Spending more nights together, at his place. Spending longer mornings together. Because im not working and they work evenings till 1am, the full responsibility of the children was on me. The upkeep of our home was on me. I expresses that i was uncomfortable and felt like we should maybe start alternating nights. So that way she can be home more for the kids and we can try spending more time together. They agree.
In the last few weeks, we've done so but the nights she is supposed to spend with me she comes home almost an hour after shes done working. She comes home and goes to bed. We cuddle but then the next morning im responsible for getting up at 7am to take the kids to school. The i lay back down with her when im done. I attempt to initiate intimacy and get brushed off. He drives her to worm every day and drives her home every night.
I'm feeling left out still. I know that they are still in the new relationship feelings. I know that. But i feel shes changed everything around to squeeze out as much time as possible with him while chipping away from what we have. Ive brought it up before early on but she accused me of being needy and pulled back more. All i did was try to shair information ive read on handling a poly relationship.
Im at a loss and am feeling ignored. I feel powerless and alone..please tell me what to do.
My fiance and i have been together for 3 years as of may of this year. Back in november of 2017 we decided to move to Florida. We uprooted our own lives and the lives of her children from previous relationships in june 2018 and moves to Florida to start a new life together. We had planned to by a home, and be together. As a family.
Things didnt pan out for either of us job wise so we struggled for a bit. She was able to start a job before i was and it was decent enough pay that i stayed home with the kids. In late july she introduced me to a co worker of hers that was hung up on another co worker of theirs and we all became friends. My fiance and i both agreeded that he was a nice guy. He and i became friends quickly. My fiance and this co worker went out with some of his friends on august 25th and ended up sleeping together. She came home the next day and i could tell something had happened between them. But she had to go to work shortly after getting back. The next day while we were in the car she confessed that something did happen and she felt guilty. I admit i had already known, i wasn't upset. That night when they both finishes out their shifts at work we all talked. I gave her 3 options.
1. We take time and focus on us because with all the changes taking place in our lives recently we grew apart.
2. She chooses him. He offers her the embodyment of everything we moved here for. A fresh start.
3. She dates both of us equally. Because i dont want there to be ant doubt about us in our committed relationship and i dont want to ruin a possible real relationship with him.
It was an emotional night because they both have feelings for each other and she still has feelings for me. She decides that she wants to try with both of us. I tell them i fully support it but we need to set ground rules. We also agree that we should have set date nights.
A week goes by and she starts spending a majority of her time with him. They sleep together on our couch. They cuddle. I start to feel left out already.
Thursday she and i have a date night. Wine and blankets out on the pier at sunset. Romance is present. Shes present. We come home and i feel like she wants to be with him so we make love then he comes over. A real set of rules were not in place at this time. She says when we had sex that night it felt off.
The next day we all meet for brunch to discuss things. During the week leading to this point i was researching ways this could work. Open communication, being emotionally supportive, discussing everything. Our individual needs and wants. I come to our brunch with a list of things im ok with. Things im not ok with and a set od guidelines. The main things on my list were that i ask that they use condoms, include me in talks about the relationship, and just be honest about everything.
Things between them continue as they have the previous week. Spending more nights together, at his place. Spending longer mornings together. Because im not working and they work evenings till 1am, the full responsibility of the children was on me. The upkeep of our home was on me. I expresses that i was uncomfortable and felt like we should maybe start alternating nights. So that way she can be home more for the kids and we can try spending more time together. They agree.
In the last few weeks, we've done so but the nights she is supposed to spend with me she comes home almost an hour after shes done working. She comes home and goes to bed. We cuddle but then the next morning im responsible for getting up at 7am to take the kids to school. The i lay back down with her when im done. I attempt to initiate intimacy and get brushed off. He drives her to worm every day and drives her home every night.
I'm feeling left out still. I know that they are still in the new relationship feelings. I know that. But i feel shes changed everything around to squeeze out as much time as possible with him while chipping away from what we have. Ive brought it up before early on but she accused me of being needy and pulled back more. All i did was try to shair information ive read on handling a poly relationship.
Im at a loss and am feeling ignored. I feel powerless and alone..please tell me what to do.
