Did I marry a serial monogamist?

If you are good with it, that's all it needs to be. I am glad you are indeed happy. It IS a POV that isn't often heard. It IS an option. It could be considered, just not an option I would consider choosing for myself that would bring ME any happiness. That is all. People are different.
 
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major development

Thank you both, GalaGirl and Cleo, for sharing your opinions and experiences.

I did find it useful to hear you can live with your partner's choices even when they baffle you, but I'm not sure it is well applied here. Definitely not in my situation, where being forced to lie for her is practically a given.

Now to the major development my title suggested (drummm roll...): the cheater is cheating on my wife! OMG, Bea is so lame.

GalaGirl, you totally called it. Cheaters stay cheaters. I wasn't even surprised. They had a date last night and she told Belle she has been sleeping with another enabler.

I am sorry if I sound too happy. I'm well aware that this is not really good news, especially not for the wife who is suffering this "cancer"... :(

Also, I am a little mad she got ME effectively sharing health risks with someone I know nothing about. I have half a mind to call her and give her a peace of my mind. Though that's on Belle too, for being with this cheater to begin with. And on me, for giving my consent at first and not understanding what was going on. Well, live and learn. :)

I must admit I am glad. This makes talking to Belle so much easier. She says me clearly voicing my objections was starting to get to her, and now with this, I think it has opened her eyes to see who Bea really is. Previously she thought she was "saving" her, as Bea told her she hasn't had sex in 3 years. Which, as it turns out, is A BIG FAT LIE. Smooth talking? Oh yeah.

Also, Belle is not as devastated as I would have expected. I hope it's not going to hit her later on.

Things are not back to normal with us, and we both have a lot of work to do to make peace with this, and rebuild our trust and our sense of who we are, as a couple and as individuals. But I am hopeful. I see glimpses of my wife, as I know her, in Belle again. She hadn't broken up with Bea yet, and I will not let her back in our room until she truly does (and probably a while after that), but I think the time is close for this whole messy thing to be behind us.

So... happy ending? :)
 
Ugh! Sigh. Cheater lady keeps on cheating. Yup. That fits. I am so sorry this crazy keeps on being crazier. :(

Previously she thought she was "saving" her, as Bea told her she hasn't had sex in 3 years.
Click to expand...

Classic cheater move there too. "I'm a diamond in the rough! Only you can help me shine! Only you can understand me, the real me!" Ugh.

Hopefully you and Belle can choose to step off and away from the crazy train now. Hopefully this opens Belle's eyes that she got snowed and helps her to be more discerning in dating partners in future. Hopefully you have learned you can plan how to open to polyamory in a more sane way. This was not the way.

But if Belle keeps dating Bea-- get the out for your own sake. This is so not healthy. :(

I hope, for your sake, that you both can heal and repair together from this. But even if not healing from this together and you have to move on and heal on your own, because Belle wants to stay in Crazy Town, first up, a trip to the doc to get tested is needed. Don't rely on the lying cheater's assurance that you guys are clean on the physical health front from STDs. :(

Then do the work to heal on the other wellness dimensions -- mental, emotional, spiritual health.
 
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