I am sorry you struggle. You seem to be going through the stage of grief and are at bargaining stage. Not quite at full acceptance that the best solution here is for you to leave. Keep processing!
Because he is selfish. You say it yourself that he is selfish.
Because he loves to bend rules and not establish/follow systems. He is not interested in exercising self control enough to follow agreements to walk hand-in-hand.
Yes. You have been with him for several years at this point and the leopard has shown his spots repeatedly. All you can expect from him is more of same. And you don't seem to like it. So walk away.
You are not rambling. Your thoughts are in a spin.
I think you are experiencing cognitive dissonance. Where you want to think and believe one thing (ex: he actually does care about me) but experience is telling you another when he does less than loving behaviors towards you (ex: he is selfish, he doesn't keep his word, he makes agreements he does not intend to keep, he cheats repeatedly and seems to get off on "confessing" it to you etc).
You are trying to convince yourself that there is nothing to worry about when there are a LOT of things to worry about. This is not a healthy sounding relationship with yourself. Don't try to pull the wool over your own eyes.
This is also not a healthy relationship with him. He's a selfish cheater who doesn't keep his Word. Not the best partner for you to pick out. Could quit picking him.
Instead of focussing on what you might lose if you leave this relationship, I think you could list the things you could GAIN leaving this situation. Peace of mind being a big one!
Galagirl
Because he is selfish. You say it yourself that he is selfish.
Because he loves to bend rules and not establish/follow systems. He is not interested in exercising self control enough to follow agreements to walk hand-in-hand.
Yes. You have been with him for several years at this point and the leopard has shown his spots repeatedly. All you can expect from him is more of same. And you don't seem to like it. So walk away.
You are not rambling. Your thoughts are in a spin.
I think you are experiencing cognitive dissonance. Where you want to think and believe one thing (ex: he actually does care about me) but experience is telling you another when he does less than loving behaviors towards you (ex: he is selfish, he doesn't keep his word, he makes agreements he does not intend to keep, he cheats repeatedly and seems to get off on "confessing" it to you etc).
You are trying to convince yourself that there is nothing to worry about when there are a LOT of things to worry about. This is not a healthy sounding relationship with yourself. Don't try to pull the wool over your own eyes.
This is also not a healthy relationship with him. He's a selfish cheater who doesn't keep his Word. Not the best partner for you to pick out. Could quit picking him.
Instead of focussing on what you might lose if you leave this relationship, I think you could list the things you could GAIN leaving this situation. Peace of mind being a big one!
Galagirl
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