Drama! UGH!

T

TurquoiseMouse

New member
Not necessarily looking for advice as I don't think there's really much to be done (but if you have some, send it my way!), just support or to see if anyone's been in a similar situation.

Long story (hopefully kind of) short, one of my ex-best friends (she cut off contact with me about a year ago because I wouldn't take her "side" over her ex's after they broke up, even though I met and became friends with them both individually before they even met each other) found out that I and her ex have slept together. I don't think she knows, or understands (or maybe she chooses to ignore) that this is a poly dynamic, and is framing it in her mind as cheating (I have a live-in partner and her ex is my LDR).

Anyway, she sent me nasty, drunk text messages tonight after finding out, so I blocked her number. Then she started texing my live-in partner, asking if he knew I was cheating on him, and going on about how I didn't deserve him anyway and that I take advantage of him, and started twisting my words from things I had said to her in confidence while seeking her advice (like friends do) during our 10-year friendship in regards to relationship issues and stuff with my live-in partner.
My partner stood up for himself, me, and her ex (my LDR), and then she turned the tables and told him she hopes that -I- dump him after I realize what a pathetic, cheating loser he is, and to have fun "sleeping around." So he blocked her too. She also told her ex that she wanted him back, but he had to stop being friends with me. She has a fiance currently, they are as far as I know monogamous, and she has cheated on him (in my presence). So a little hypocritical maybe, and also no cheating going on in our V.

She then threatened to message all of my friends and tell them what a horrible slutty McSluttersons I am--and she's followed through with at least a couple, and has also posted a status to her facebook, naming our names and framing it as cheating, also not bothering to mention that her ex and I's relationship (and anything physical at all) happened well after she cut off contact with the both of us (him for the break up, and me when she decided I had to choose between being friends with her, or him. I didn't choose, so she chose for me). She also didn't mention that she and I used to have a somewhat physical relationship, while being partnered with others (again, no cheating). She's gotten several sympathetic comments, and some nasty ones directed at us on it so far.

We're only "out" to a very few select friends, and no family. We'll have to decide if we want to tell people, or just let them think what they want. Sigh.
 
Thanks Nyc, I was wondering about that. I had problems with a neighbor threatening me before (posted on facebook that she was going to "accidentally" overflow her bathtub so that it would ruin my apartment--I lived below her), and the police told me there's nothing they can do about "facebook stuff." Perhaps I just talked to the wrong person at that time, though.
Police? Lawyer? I do have screen shots of everything.
 
Well, I think that it doesn't matter what method of communication she used. The point is that she is contacting several people in your life with sole purpose of badmouthing and harassing you. I am not an expert, but you could file a complaint even if they say they can't do anything, just so you have an official record of it in case things escalate.
 
If you want to make a case about it, save all the messages you have gotten / found on Facebook etc. That is hard evidence. Badmouthing like that is criminalized mostly everywhere.
 
Furthermore, what is she so up in arms about? He's an ex, and as I see it, is fair game.

You could post a message on your FB, telling people to ignore her because you have somehow become a target of her abuse and are being harassed for no reason. And keep a record of every instance you know of, where she contacted friends of yours to slander you.
 
Nyc, agreed. Not to mention the fact I was friends with him before they even dated. It's not even like I only met him through her. And it's been over a year since she's spoken to me. So bizarre.
I have screen shots of all the things she said, and I did in fact make my own facebook status that said "in regards to anything you may have heard or read about me lately, please feel free to talk to me personally about it :)"
Mostly I've gotten support from friends in response. Just being careful how I phrase things to them.
 
TurquoiseMouse said:
We're only "out" to a very few select friends, and no family. We'll have to decide if we want to tell people, or just let them think what they want. Sigh.
Click to expand...

Just being careful how I phrase things to them.
Click to expand...

One reason I broke up with my poly boyfriend is I didn't like the feeling there was anything to 'be out' about. (Only one of many reasons.) No drama, nothing for anyone to say about me on facebook or anywhere else. I don't have to worry about how I phrase anything to anyone.
 
:( What a steaming pile of crap, OP. Remind me to never FB an SO and/or a metamour! *Hugs* I think I would have addressed it the same way...a friend is being less than friendly, i apologize for online drama; as far as damage control, completely block her but not "explain" unless directly asked. Some people are going to assume what they will in private regardless.
 
Thanks everyone! Doing better today, most people who've brought it up to me either didn't believe what she said in the first place, or think it's none of her concern and she's out of line.
I personally don't mind being "out," but my live-in partner is still figuring out how he feels about it/who he's okay with knowing, and I respect that. Since her attempt to out us wasn't on our terms or time, I'm sure that makes it even worse.
Laerhk, you're completely right, people are going to think what they want regardless. And if they form untrue opinions about me and treat me differently because of it, then that's their problem and I really don't need people like that in my life anyway. :rolleyes:
Luckily the ex-friend wasn't able to tag us in her facebook post since she'd already blocked us all a year ago (or more), but she instead typed out our full names for everyone to see. So she could've done that whether any of the rest of us had facebook or not unfortunately.
Hopefully this is the last I will ever have to deal with her!
 
Sounds like she'll cool off after awhile. You might have to do some more damage control, but like you said, friends worth having will come to you directly and ask you what's up, not just automatically believe someone who's obviously trying to make you look bad.

That's some crazy shit.
 
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