My ex, she almost seems to haunt my dreams lately. I feel so preoccupied with thinking about her when I really shouldn't. She broke up with me a few months ago after communication in our long distance relationship wasn't so great on either of our sides. There are lots of other complications, but I feel like she has moved on and I haven't. I should have. I have a husband, I have my wife who will be giving birth to my daughter any day and I just feel so stuck on this ex. Any advice?
There's no rule about how long it takes to get over someone. Are your feelings interfering with your existing relationships? If not then don't sweat it.
There's a lot of generic information on the web about how to get over an ex, most of which is perfectly applicable. You seem like you have a lot of other activities that could take up your time.
I think you are going through a grieving process; you need to give yourself the space to grieve. This is going to sound weird, but try this. Write up a list of all the things you love/d about your ex. Add to it a list of reasons why you broke up. Then write a letter to your ex, whatever you would want to say to her if she was standing right there.
Do a ceremony where you state your realization that some part of you will always love her. Then place the lists and the letter on a small pile of sticks, and put a match to it. Place your hand over your heart as you watch the papers burn and watch the ashes float away. This is a symbolic way of expressing yourself and then letting go. You don't have to do it exactly how I've described, but this gives you a general idea. I've heard of people doing this type of thing, and they've said it helps them.
In any case, grieving is a process; you can't get through it instantly, so give yourself some space to grieve.
Shit, I've "carried a torch," as they used to say, for exes for 10 years or more. Having literal dreams about them: Oh, I am so glad to see you again, be with you, type dreams. Having sexual fantasies about them right after sex with another. Wondering what they are doing, and with whom. Wondering if they cut their hair, shaved their beard. Wondering if they got married, had kids, moved across the country or to another country. Trying to google them, or find them on Facebook. Wondering if they are even still alive.
I think it all depends on how deeply someone got under your skin. The ones I've carried a torch for longest were people I loved deeply, but circumstances prevented our staying together. Too many "if onlys."
Just because we are poly has nothing to do with it. Each of our lovers is unique. Love or caring for and from one doesn't make feelings for another go away.
Give yourself time each day to grieve if possible. Set aside time. Then turn off those thoughts and go be present with other people or activities. Just stifling and telling yourself you "shouldn't" have your feelings does not work. Allow the grief process to happen and one day you'll realise you went a whole day without thinking about them.
My ex, she almost seems to haunt my dreams lately. I feel so preoccupied with thinking about her when I really shouldn't. She broke up with me a few months ago after communication in our long distance relationship wasn't so great on either of our sides. There are lots of other complications, but I feel like she has moved on and I haven't. I should have. I have a husband, I have my wife who will be giving birth to my daughter any day and I just feel so stuck on this ex. Any advice?
That is almost like my nightmares about my mother. I have bad dreams all the time about her. She haunts me almost every other night. What I am tryin to say is that sometimes people who have done you wrong that you love might be eating away at you. I could be interpreting it wrong but I can't shake my night terrors of my mother threatening me, even tho I loved her, she still wanted to get back at my father.
I have dreams like that sometimes, like finding myself in the past confronting my father, or like struggling to take care of my now-deceased wife. So I do sympathize ...
I think it all depends on how deeply someone got under your skin. The ones I've carried a torch for longest were people I loved deeply, but circumstances prevented our staying together. Too many "if onlys."
