Emotional flashbacks

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In asking my co-parent to not do something that would sabotage a family trip- and naming it as possibly sabotaging- thankfully with good success— I suddenly find myself caught in an emotional flashback of a meta in effect sabotaging my kink relationship with another partner, repeatedly, by sabotaging aftercare.

And I am ragey.

The emotional damage from being in a relationship with sabotage— and sometimes my partner was capable of being aware, and sometimes it was hidden, so both are at fault— has been extensive.

It’s a lot to get over.

And sabotaging AFTERCARE is about as low as you can go in my mind. Especially with a kink newbie where it was high stakes (high trauma background) and so had negotiated time clearly and deliberately.

It’s possible it wasn’t conscious. Or deliberate.

And it’s for sure that my partner was at fault— and once got around the sabotage because they were unaware I had been discouraged from getting together to help heal me by meta when there was a delayed reaction; once gave in.

But damn.

Sabotage. Of aftercare. Or allowing sabotage. Of aftercare.

That’s about as emotionally irresponsible as you can get. IMHO. Asides from oiutright abuse, that’s the most emotionally damaging thing that ever happened to me. And even a lot of the abuse was less damaging than that.
 
Okay, that’s not quite true about the most emotionally damaging - but it ranks up there. Most damaging thing that wasn’t an actual or implicit threat to life or limb.

The sabotage worked- I never ever entered into a negotiated scene again with that person. It would have been bad self-care to.

I’m sorrowful that my meta felt so insecure in the love they had that this was a threat. It’s not like I was any kind of a threat that way— what they had in the kink world was special. Unique. Comfortable. Mutually highly desired.

I’m sorrowful that my partner couldn’t find the security of “I KNOW I can be a strong partner to both of you— and if you trust me, I will show you how.”

And I’m sorrowful I got betrayed. Ah well. It was an experiment— dating anyone always is. And it was worth the glorious journey. Even if that one has come to an end.
 
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Internet hugs if that suits you.

I'm sorry you were put through that. That's not fair play.
 
I'm not very knowledgeable about kink matters, but from what I've heard, aftercare is extremely important. If your meta knew that, then sabotaging it was very cruel, and it was heartless of your then-partner to go along with the sabotage. I am sorry you had to go through that. Maybe your flashback was a necessary first step in your healing process. Like how they say anger is the first stage of grief. You lost something precious when you lost that aftercare. Now you are moving through the stages toward acceptance. Like you know you were hurt, but you will be okay eventually.
 
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