Expanded Family, Pregnant, and Baby Last Name

ladytarra

ladytarra

New member
Hi, everyone. I am new to polyamory and this forum looked like a good place to post this unique question/situation. I have been in a triad-poly-extended family now for almost a year. My female partner Kyla and I are married (8+ years). Our male partner Rick was added to our family about 10 months ago. Me, well, I am a non-op male-to-female transsexual, technically! I never use that label, as I identify as all around female... ignoring that extra part! :D

OK, now that I have introduced my family, let's continue to the situation. Today we found out that Kyla is 6 weeks pregnant!!! Yay, congrats! :) We are all VERY excited about this. However, there has been a lot of debate today about which last name to choose for the baby. Before the baby is born, I do have plans to change my name legally to Tarra Lynn Danner-Hanas, hyphenating with Rick's last name, Hanas, and my birth family name, Danner. We are also absolutely sure that the baby is from the happy loving union between Rick and Kyla. Because of this, Rick wants the baby's last name to be Hanas. But Kyla wants the last name to be Danner. Yeah, very debatable. I don't mind either way. LOL So, internet community, what last name should baby have?

Also, I wanted some advice as well, what with Kyla and me being legally married, but this child being a creation of Rick and Kyla, is the law going to get involved because of some archaic cohabitation prohibitive laws in Alaska? Will the law step in because this is living proof of adultery? According to what I've researched about non-mono laws in Alaska, they state that any form of cohabitation (poly in any form) is illegal. I am concerned and don't want to get into any trouble. What advice can any of you give me?

Love,
Tarra :cool:
 
I'm not sure how the laws work there, but from what I understand, in Canada you can give the baby whatever last name you want to, be it one parent's name, or the other's, or neither. Why not hyphenate the last name? Or, if you really wanted to avoid legal troubles, give the baby Rick's last name as a middle name and use the legally married couple's name as the official last name? Hope that helps.

Derby
 
I live in Wasilla Alaska. I've lived with my husband of 10 years and current boyfriend for about 5 years.

My youngest daughter's birth certificate states that I am her mother, and that my husband is her father. Alaska law states that, for a married woman who has a child, the husband's name is listed as the father on the birth certificate. The child is actually BIOLOGICALLY the child of me and my boyfriend.

There have NEVER been any legal actions taken against anyone in regards to this detail, OR the cohabitation. In point of fact, I don't think I've EVER lived anywhere that we didn't have "cohabitation" of people who weren't married to one another in my whole adult life. I've lived here basically my whole life. So I HIGHLY doubt you will have issues with ANY of that.

As for the baby's name, ultimately, by law, only Mama gets to choose that.

But in your case, I can't advise. 10 months is a short amount of time.

I gave my oldest child her bio-father's last name. Two months after her birth, he walked out. She's hated that name her whole life. She's 18.

I gave my other two children my husband's last name. They have no issue with that, but he's not going anywhere. 11 years into this, they will always have their daddy.
 
Thank you so much. We've decided to just take things as they come, and to give our baby a hyphenated last name. So, if it's a girl, her name will be Tabitha Star Hanas-Danner. (Star is the middle name of my long-passed sister.) If it's a boy, his name will be Micah Lee Hanas-Danner.

LovingRadiance, thank you so much for the reply. You answered all the questions and helped out a lot with this debate. Thanks again!
 
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Yeah, I like and was going to suggest the hyphenated form also, assuming it's legal, which I can't speak to. But either way, it's always possible to have a legal change of name afterwards, even if it costs a buck or two, and it might avoid having a tricky situation at the hospital. Because of society and archaic laws, the reality is we sometimes have to fly below the radar. It doesn't change what the real relationship is to those that deserve to know. It's all a bureaucratic process.

GS
 
I'd prefer the option of the family taking a new name together, although that might not sit well with everybody. Hyphenation is a close second, in my book.
 
I spent half the night researching and found nothing that suggests any legal issues would come up in Alaska. Since I live here too, I figured it was worth looking into.
 
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