Feeling hopeless in a V

No offense SC, but I think that LR and Samaki have gotten past this and are now understanding what the other was saying, as explained in posts 5 & 8.

Now back ON TOPIC:

Nelara, as the other posters have stated, you have every right to be upset. Not only did your husband show disrespect for you, but also for your relationship by having unprotected sex without your ok.

Why did the GF break up with her SO? Not to sound paranoid, but is she using you both to have somewhere to possibly stay? Were you two a way out for her? Put your foot down if you are unhappy. It will be hard, but you have every right to say "No, I don't want her living here at this point in the relationship," then give some reasons, including the unprotected sex and disregard for your feelings, but also, how well do you know her and her circumstances? Can she pay rent or is she assuming that she will be taken care of?

Always remember, you don't have to sleep with the same people your hubby sleeps with. It's not mandatory to be considered poly, whether you are hetero or bi. If you don't feel that way for her, then you don't.

Also setting up boundaries and/or agreements is a very good idea. You both need to know what the other wants out of poly and even out of your own relationship. Without that, things like this can and probably will continue happening. Be strong, you CAN do it.
Actually, I think they've been living together for 12 years but have only been in a "very functional poly relationship" since last September, if I have managed to keep my stories straight (not that it makes that much difference when it comes to what she said earlier in this thread).

LR, will you please refresh us all regarding your "credentials"? The abridged version will do just fine!


Yes-I have been involved with GG in one way or another (sexual off and on) for 17 years.
I've been married to Maca for 12.
We've all lived together for 7.
We've been officially poly since last September.

And OP-
I apologize for all of this tramping all over your thread. If you want any more specific thoughts or suggestions please feel free to PM me.

And yes-we did make peace over the earlier confusion of my first post. Thank you for showing that you all pay attention though. ;)
I do love you guys

I would certainly insist on dealing with the std testing first. That is a health issue. Our health is vital to our life.

I would also take the advice of sitting down and creating a "what is it I think I am looking for in poly" list.

Another good lead in for that is in the book Opening Up. We used it-it had WAY more information then we'd ever need, but it covered all sorts of possibilities and some of the ones we didn't think of-were pertinent.

More than anything else though-be good to yourself and work on you. Because no matter if you stay in poly, go back to monogomy, stay married, get divorced etc-you will always be stuck with you, so make you the best you that you can be!