CleverMoniker
New member
It’s 1:27 am and I am crying in front of my computer when I should be studying. I am listening to pitiful emotional music to eek the tears out of my head that will release the pressure building behind my eyes. My boyfriend is in Mexico and just revealed he “did the nasty” while away. After a few minutes of conversation, he drops the bombshell that he, in fact, had a threesome. I can hear my husband snoring in the bed across the room from me over the music in my headphones, tears rolling down my cheeks. He hugged me before bed and told me I was beautiful and that my boyfriend didn’t feel any differently about me because of the threesome.
This is Polyamory at its most difficult.
Many view polyamory as some weirdo orgy. Something that lies between a swinger key party and polygamy. But it is so many different scenarios to so many. My scenario is that I have a husband whom I have been married to for almost 20 years, we have 2 beautiful clever children and are both full-time nursing students. We are best friends who have built a relationship built on mutual respect and open communication.
I also, am lucky enough to have a boyfriend, in addition to my husband. When I met first him the intention was sort of a “friends with benefits” arrangement, but we quickly connected and grew an incredible relationship. He is 12 years younger than me and fills my life with adventures, new exciting learning opportunities and challenges. Something I never anticipated when I first started “dating” him was the jealousy that I would experience at the thought of him being with anyone else. For the first year of our relationship he was “monogamous” with me and seemed happy about it. But on New Years last year I encouraged him to “sleep with a few people” in the coming year, because I wanted him to have fun, and in a way I wanted to face the thing I had been dreading….how I would feel after. He waited 5 months before doing the deed with someone else and if I’m honest it hurt like hell. My chest was tight, my heart physically hurt, and I felt betrayed. I used logic, and coached him on how to help me work through it and we came out better on the other side after very little time. Then 2 weeks later he did it again…and I was like…hey….wtf….It still gets to me, as I sit here weeping over some meaningless sex thousands of miles away. I can logic it away, but the reality is that this will always be a part of poly for my boyfriend and I, and here is why:
I do not feel jealousy at all when my husband ventures out. He had a 2 year relationship with a lovely poly woman who met our children, would come to dinner, and often slept over in our bed with both of us (non-sexually). They would show affection in front of me and it wouldn’t phase me. The reason for this I figure is because I trust my husband implicitly. He says he is mine and I am his and we have agreed to live this life out together, the end for us, is death (dun,dun,dun…). So when he goes out, even if he falls in love with someone else, I know that love will not mar his love for me.
Whereas when my boyfriend ventures out, he may very well never return. There is no certainty. He loves me deeply; I know this to be true. But he is 25, and not polyamorous. He is okay being open, because what man doesn’t want to the freedom to sleep with whomever they want, with a good woman waiting for them at home with dinner and acceptance lol.
So, here I sit, crying, like a big poly baby because my boyfriend got to have sex with 2 women at once. While my poly side wants to high five him and bro out with details, my insecure little heart wants to lock him up with a tag on him that say “mine”.
This is Polyamory at its most difficult.
Many view polyamory as some weirdo orgy. Something that lies between a swinger key party and polygamy. But it is so many different scenarios to so many. My scenario is that I have a husband whom I have been married to for almost 20 years, we have 2 beautiful clever children and are both full-time nursing students. We are best friends who have built a relationship built on mutual respect and open communication.
I also, am lucky enough to have a boyfriend, in addition to my husband. When I met first him the intention was sort of a “friends with benefits” arrangement, but we quickly connected and grew an incredible relationship. He is 12 years younger than me and fills my life with adventures, new exciting learning opportunities and challenges. Something I never anticipated when I first started “dating” him was the jealousy that I would experience at the thought of him being with anyone else. For the first year of our relationship he was “monogamous” with me and seemed happy about it. But on New Years last year I encouraged him to “sleep with a few people” in the coming year, because I wanted him to have fun, and in a way I wanted to face the thing I had been dreading….how I would feel after. He waited 5 months before doing the deed with someone else and if I’m honest it hurt like hell. My chest was tight, my heart physically hurt, and I felt betrayed. I used logic, and coached him on how to help me work through it and we came out better on the other side after very little time. Then 2 weeks later he did it again…and I was like…hey….wtf….It still gets to me, as I sit here weeping over some meaningless sex thousands of miles away. I can logic it away, but the reality is that this will always be a part of poly for my boyfriend and I, and here is why:
I do not feel jealousy at all when my husband ventures out. He had a 2 year relationship with a lovely poly woman who met our children, would come to dinner, and often slept over in our bed with both of us (non-sexually). They would show affection in front of me and it wouldn’t phase me. The reason for this I figure is because I trust my husband implicitly. He says he is mine and I am his and we have agreed to live this life out together, the end for us, is death (dun,dun,dun…). So when he goes out, even if he falls in love with someone else, I know that love will not mar his love for me.
Whereas when my boyfriend ventures out, he may very well never return. There is no certainty. He loves me deeply; I know this to be true. But he is 25, and not polyamorous. He is okay being open, because what man doesn’t want to the freedom to sleep with whomever they want, with a good woman waiting for them at home with dinner and acceptance lol.
So, here I sit, crying, like a big poly baby because my boyfriend got to have sex with 2 women at once. While my poly side wants to high five him and bro out with details, my insecure little heart wants to lock him up with a tag on him that say “mine”.
