First Date

[Tinkerbell87]

I know jealousy is talked about on here a lot but jealousy really isn't the problem I don't think. I'm happy that my husband (C) is talking to a nice girl. The problem is this is all new and I can't hide my facial expressions. C always tells me that I am an open book because my face says it all. Of course I'm going to have a different look on my face because this is all new. C told me that his girlfriend, S, wanted to pick him up so they could go do something. I told him to go have fun but he said my face said otherwise. I finally convinced him that it was okay. She will be here shortly to get him. This is the ultimate test on whether I can truly handle this and I hope I can. I have issues with needing lots of attention and sharing his attention is different. Plus I know he has to leave at 7:30 to go to work for who knows how many days. I agreed though because she works long hours too and they have been struggling to find a good time for them to hook up. I've read up on how to occupy my time plus I will be home with two kids so shouldn't have a dull moment.

 

[Magdlyn]

((hugs))

Sure you're going to be a little insecure. Maybe your h can give you extra attention, in the way you like it, after he's recovered from his date. He may not be ready to fully engage right after his date as he will be thinking about his new gf. So give him time, maybe in 24 or 36 hours he will be able to focus on you.

Read the 5 Love Languages so you know what kind of attention makes you feel most appreciated.

 

[Tinkerbell87]

Thanks. I actually did really good while he was gone. Guess it helps I'm use to him being gone a lot with work. I was actually kinda disappointed that he was only gone a little over an hour. I had to make sure things went okay. She didn't have a lot of time yesterday but just wanted to see him. I think it's sweet. And I will read that. Might help me a lot.

 

[Tinwen]

The problem is this is all new and I can't hide my facial expressions.

I don't quite get why you would want to hide (and what the feeling to hide is btw.). Maybe... talk about tolerance to experiencing some inconvenience?
You are not always cheerful when you find out he's gonna be elsewhere, you are not always secure when it comes to talking about the other... but you want to go down this path, so you are willing to put up with mild discomfort while you're getting used to the new way of life.
It sounds like he's trying to double- and tripplecheck if you're ok, which is kind of nice. But maybe he could trust you more to speak up for yourself? The deal I'm describing goes something like this: "I can manage small discomfort myself, so you don't have to check all the time. But I will surely tell you if something presses my buttons or keeps bothering me over and over. Please listen if I do. Ok? "

 

[kdt26417]

Hi Tinkerbell87,

Perhaps the thing to say to C is that you don't always have a perfect reaction to everything, and that you would appreciate it if he let you work some things out on your own. You won't always have a perfect reaction to him going out with someone; you would like your own space and time to work through that. He should be willing to go along with that. If he's not, then that's another thing you have to worry about (and I hope that's not the case).

If there's anything we can do to help on this forum, let us know.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

 

[Tinkerbell87]

Thanks everyone. He is being good and making sure I'm okay with it but no matter how many times I say I am he almost doesn't believe me. Makes no sense because I am not one to keep my emotions bottled up, I am a very open and blunt person. I explained to him it is different and is going to take time to adjust too. New emotions and circumstances take time to adapt to. He reluctantly said okay but idk. They are supposed to be going out again in a few weeks and we'll see how he reacts before he leaves and when he gets home. This time when he got home he was really closed off and seemed like he was hiding something. I don't understand that but guess only time will tell.