flagging belief in poly

kdt26417 said:
Poly's not for everyone... I hope you find the right solution that works for you.
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Thanks, KDT.

I broke up with Nudge and am still separated from J. So right now, it's time to figure out me. I haven't done that in about 18 years, without a man, so it should be interesting.
 
Sounds like a rough and rocky road. But, sometimes those are the kinds of roads that lead to the summits of the highest mountains. Hang in there; you'll get it figured out.
 
gorgeouskitten said:
I'm not doubting it. I guess I've just realized its not for me. I can't play second fiddle.
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Then is Nudge the man for you? He is poly. So there is a pretty damn good chance that he is going to find someone else he will want to date, at some point. He is not a kid person, and you have three young children.

Murf doesn't have kids of his biological own, but he did want them. They just never happened for him. (Well, it almost did for us, but the pregnancy was tubal and almost killed me. He decided that having me was more important than having a child.) He loves my boys as his own.

I couldn't be deeply involved with a man who didn't like children. My boys are young and there is no way that they are not going to affect how my life is run.

Poly is hard. But I know a lot of poly families that are happy and drama free. My life is boring and tame, with no drama beyond what comes in life, i.e., bills, health issues, etc., nothing poly related.
 
gorgeouskitten said:
I broke up with Nudge and am still separated from J. So right now, it's time to figure out me. I haven't done that in about 18 years, without a man, so it should be interesting.
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Hang in there, gal. It's a tough row to hoe, but I'm with Kevin: in the long run, you'll come out in a better place. Nothing more important than figuring out ourselves. Ironically, it often takes a lot of experimentation, trial and error before we collect enough data to start that process.
 
gorgeouskitten,

First, I am sorry. It sounds like breaking up/being separated is probably the best course of action. But that doesn't make it any less painful.

Second, when my ex-wife and I broke up, I was devastated. My life as I had known it was over, and I had no idea what or who I was without that context. The last few years have been exploring and seeing who I am. I won't lie-- it was often incredibly difficult. A lot of the time, especially that first year, I was just hanging on.

But now, a few years down the road from the breakup, I have grown so much, in ways that being in that relationship at that time would probably not have allowed to happen. (This is not my ex-wife's fault, btw. I was a different person then.) I hope you find the same to be true for you in a few years' time.
 
opalescent said:
I am sorry. It sounds like breaking up/being separated is probably the best course of action. But that doesn't make it any less painful.

When my ex-wife and I broke up, I was devastated. My life as I had known it was over and I had no idea what or who I was without that context. The last few years have been exploring and seeing who I am. It was often incredibly difficult. A lot of the time, especially that first year, I was just hanging on.

But now, a few years down the road from the breakup, I have grown so much, in ways that being in that relationship at that time would probably not have allowed to happen. I hope you find the same to be true for you in a few years time.
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Thank you for this.

More so than me, I think Nudge will go through a lot of that. I need to give him time and space. But I hope to be together.

Thanks, Bookbug. I know you know what you're talkin about!

So yeah, I am focusing on me. No one else can love you if you don't love yourself. I want to know if I can find happiness without romance.
 
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