Freedom: complete 180

S

sunshinestate

New member
My girlfriend has had a hard time coping with my being polyamorous. She was ok with it at the start of our relationship (1.5 yrs ago), when she was not exactly "primary" with me, but then once I moved in with her (few months ago), she became very much not ok with it. The one night I spent away from her with my other lover, she was downright nasty to me when I came home and we fought all night long. After that, I put my other relationship on hold to allow her time to deal with her feelings, and for us to communicate about everything. It's been a couple months since I did so.

All of a sudden, she's come to a point where she has just told me she wants me to have "total freedom." Just do what I need to do, even to the point of not always telling her where I am or who I'm with. This is a complete 180 so I'm not exactly trusting that this is going to work. I had figured it was going to be more "baby steps" but she says the only way she's going to know if it'll work is if we just do it.

Anyone been through something like this? Thoughts? I'm having a hard time thinking this won't blow up...
 
Hi sunshinestate,

I'd be pretty leery too if I was in your shoes. You were planning on taking baby steps, and that's what I suggest you do. Since you have your girlfriend's okay to do whatever, that shouldn't be a problem. Be wary, though!

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
Why not just come right out & ask her about it? Maybe there's reason to worry, maybe not. But I'd suppose you might get to the bottom of it much easier, and with less anxiety on your part to talk about it.
 
If a partner says they want to handle something a certain way and they feel that is the best way for them to do it, trust that they know best what they can and cannot handle.

I'm more concerned about the lover you put "on hold," which sounds like such an unkind thing to do to someone. How is she doing?
 
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nycindie said:
I'm more concerned about the lover you put "on hold," which sounds like such an unkind thing to do to someone. How is she doing?
Click to expand...

Sorry, didn't include a whole lot of detail there. We both decided the best thing would be to put the sexual/sleepover component of our relationship on hold, but we've still been very close throughout, and my gf knows it. It is not an indefinite hold, and I have every intention of resuming, even if it means losing my girlfriend :(
 
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