Another thing....
I would guess that if you cannot trust him to honor your reasonable boundaries and to demonstrate basic respect with simple things like:
... you cannot believe and trust that he will be honoring your safer-sex boundaries and protect you from harm that way.
His track record for honoring any of your boundaries and respecting you isn't hot. He doesn't protect you from harm in other ways -- sometimes he's the one doing the harming.
You do not know if he will do his STD labs, ask to see his partner's labs, use protection and practice safer sex, or just tell you he has.
You basically have to vote "no confidence" here, and that's not fun for you to feel about your partner.
It is hard to trust someone who doesn't demonstrate trustworthy behaviors. It's hard to feel respected by someone who doesn't exhibit respectful behavior toward you.
And maybe you are anxious because his behavior is not in your control. He controls his behavior. Limit of the Universe.
All you can control is your own behavior and your willingness to participate in things. You are already exposed to emotional/mental health harm here. Now you have to consider new harm -- sex-practice-related harm to your physical health. All that is dinging your spiritual health. You don't sound in good spirits to me.
I would also guess that you don't love the idea of voicing your concerns because his track record for hostile conversation is high.
I would guess you also don't want to think about breaking up if this cannot be resolved.
When all choices suck, pick the one that sucks least. That resolves the anxiety. You might feel something else, like upset, angry, etc. But it solves the anxious part to take action. Then you aren't in limbo.
And when all choices suck, pick self-respecting behavior. Then even when things are not fun, you can live with yourself and your choices. You do the job in front of you.
Hang in there,
Galagirl
I would guess that if you cannot trust him to honor your reasonable boundaries and to demonstrate basic respect with simple things like:
- not have sex in your shared bed this early in the r'ship, after you ask him to meet that limit;
- not make out with her in front of you while you three have a TV date after you state you are not comfortable;
- not giving you a heads-up and leaving his used condom on the floor;
... you cannot believe and trust that he will be honoring your safer-sex boundaries and protect you from harm that way.
His track record for honoring any of your boundaries and respecting you isn't hot. He doesn't protect you from harm in other ways -- sometimes he's the one doing the harming.
You do not know if he will do his STD labs, ask to see his partner's labs, use protection and practice safer sex, or just tell you he has.
You basically have to vote "no confidence" here, and that's not fun for you to feel about your partner.
It is hard to trust someone who doesn't demonstrate trustworthy behaviors. It's hard to feel respected by someone who doesn't exhibit respectful behavior toward you.
And maybe you are anxious because his behavior is not in your control. He controls his behavior. Limit of the Universe.
All you can control is your own behavior and your willingness to participate in things. You are already exposed to emotional/mental health harm here. Now you have to consider new harm -- sex-practice-related harm to your physical health. All that is dinging your spiritual health. You don't sound in good spirits to me.
I would also guess that you don't love the idea of voicing your concerns because his track record for hostile conversation is high.
I would guess you also don't want to think about breaking up if this cannot be resolved.
When all choices suck, pick the one that sucks least. That resolves the anxiety. You might feel something else, like upset, angry, etc. But it solves the anxious part to take action. Then you aren't in limbo.
And when all choices suck, pick self-respecting behavior. Then even when things are not fun, you can live with yourself and your choices. You do the job in front of you.
Hang in there,
Galagirl