Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

I finally got to see Endgame today with DarkKnight. No spoilers - but I did enjoy it. I have a lot of problems with some parts, but I won’t complain about them here. Lol

I have a lot going on but it is mostly good things. I got my period yesterday and I have a headache today. I think that is in part due to my period, but also because I didn’t drink any water today because I didn’t want to have to pee during the movie!
 
I had a stranger friend me on Facebook on Monday. This isn’t unusual - because of the Blessing Box, I have a lot of visitors and their families want to connect. However, this was different because this fake-name-sounding dude and I had my oldest daughter as a mutual friend. Sure enough, he messaged me soon after. Last night, he called me.

He said it was tearing him up, but he thought I should know my daughter’s situation. He was surprised to know I already knew. He said he agonized over her every night, and that he is totally in love with her and wants to get her clean. For a while she was living with him, but then he had to move to Florida, and she fell into a black hole. It seems she treats him in a similar fashion - she’ll text and call him when she is sober for those brief shining moments, but when she’s using, he gets the silent treatment. It was kind of a relief to hear that, honestly.

He said she weighed 96 pounds in February.

He said that she has burned through every single one of her friends and has no one left. They all want to help her until they realize how high she is all the time, and then they kick her out.

He said she is definitely homeless and sleeping in her car a big part of the time. She hasn’t paid on it for 3 months but he is hoping her losing it will mean she will then go to rehab.

He said he believes she is trading sex for the drugs, but he doesn’t want to think about that because he loves her so much. She doesn’t love him, but he doesn’t care - he wants to save her.

He said that he is a former addict himself, and he’s transient. He said you couldn’t tell by looking at him, but he sleeps in a tent even now. He said he has thousands in the bank, but he enjoys being able to go where he wants. Right now he is in Florida. He is going back to where my daughter is in 8 weeks and he is going to force her into detox and then rehab and he wants her to go to Maui with him when she is clean for 6 months. He is going to move there in the Fall for a year and he is hoping that my daughter will clean up for this. She is excited about it, but not enough to go get clean yet.

I said I appreciate the information.

I said I hope he is successful.

I said I would keep in touch and that I wouldn’t tell my daughter that he had contacted me.

Sigh. That’s where I am at. The good news is that I have therapy today - regular therapy. I still have one more hypnotherapy session to complete.

I actually got a text from my daughter yesterday, asking me when I was coming to New York. I message her frequently and she ignores them all, but a couple weeks ago I had told her I would be there before Mother’s Day with DarkKnight. Her text just asked me when I would be there and then she left all of my responses on read. I am determined I will find her and see her next week while there, but I am scared about what she will look like and how she will be. I love her so much. So very, very much. My little bug girl.
 
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I had a good therapy appointment yesterday. I have decided to stop my gym membership temporarily and put my fitness goals on hold. Honestly, it’s too much to focus on, with shit with my oldest daughter, DarkKnight still being unemployed, regular Blessing Box stress and then the hypnotherapy stuff going on as well. I decided I will refocus at the beginning of June. I just can’t right now, and my therapist thinks that I am trying to handle too much at the moment. I definitely agree!

I think DarkKnight and I are leaving for New York on Tuesday night. We will come home Friday night. I need to lay out a paper schedule so I make sure we get everything done, although whatever is going on with my daughter will be the priority. I am hoping I can see my bestie while there, and we got my mom a new iPad for Mother’s Day. I will see my siblings and nieces and nephews for sure. So much to cram into a short week!

Then the next week, PunkRock and I are going to the Durham-Raleigh area in North Carolina. It’s our 4th wedding anniversary, and we are going to visit his dad and stepmom. I am excited to be able to escape the stress for a little while - we are going to check out some game stores, a museum or two and go kayaking/canoeing if the weather is decent. PunkRock has been extremely loving toward me lately - just holding me and hugging me. He was crying the other day about my daughter.
 
And then last night my car air conditioner decided to shut off and stop working. Lovely. The internet says that if it’s the compressor, I’m looking at $1000. [Insert sobbing and swears here.] It doesn’t matter - I have to pay it. I can’t be without AC in my vehicle. So that appointment is Monday morning. DarkKnight is taking the car in for me.

Why? Because today we had our house central air running for the first time this season, and the condenser pump (I think that is the name) is leaking. Apparently we have a big puddle in the basement. PunkRock got it cleaned up, made sure the line wasn’t blocked and then, it happened again. That appointment is now also Monday morning. If they have to just replace the pump we are looking at around $200. The good news is that the air is still working, so my house is cold. We have a bucket under the unit in the basement to catch the water now.

I am just like FUCK!! We can’t afford any of this, but we can’t afford to ignore it. More cash gone. I won’t put it on a credit card - we just paid them all off!
 
$200.60 for the central air fix. The guy let me know it looked okay, but we do know there is a leak so at some point we will be looking at either $800 for a retrofit or $5000 for a new unit. Hopefully that holds off for another year, because I don’t want to finance that at all.

I’m waiting for DarkKnight to come home from the dealer for my car A/C. They’re recharging it to see if there’s a leak or if it’s the compressor or what. That cost $160. That’s the lowest we will pay today. 🙁

My oldest daughter did finally message me today, but I had to send her a message saying I was worried and that I was going to call the police. Apparently that is what I need to say to punch through the drug haze to get her to respond.
 
Thanks for the link! ❤️

Well my car’s AC compressor was the culprit, and I had DarkKnight also have them check out a knocking noise my vehicle has been making lately. Ugh. Bad idea. Total cost is $1,893 - plus tax. FML We scheduled it, because we don’t really have a choice - I need my car. However, it makes me hate my Nissan even more. I am glad I will have it paid off in almost exactly 24 months. Seriously, trying to help out my son when he totaled his car has brought me so much anger at this car company!
 
Annnnnnd I tripped yesterday on the sidewalk and I think I broke my left big toe. It’s huge and swollen and the most painful thing! I was hoping that overnight some of the pain would subside, but if anything it’s throbbing more this morning because I have shoes on.

I am waiting for the dealer to let me know my car is ready, and once DarkKnight has retrieved it, I will be leaving for New York. He isn’t coming with me because he has a promising interview in Rockville tomorrow. Keeping my fingers crossed for that! We decided to put the $1800 repair charge on our best rewards credit card, and then pay it off immediately. That way we will at least be getting cash back - one positive, I guess.

My plan right now is to spend the night at my mom’s, and Thursday night at my NY bestie’s place, so I will only be paying for one night in a hotel, since I am driving home on Friday. The only reason I am even getting one night is because my oldest daughter said she would like to have “bonding” time and I know she needs a place to sleep and shower. I am hoping to get her hooked up with laundry all done too. I can’t give her money but I can do those things. I am hoping that she will get into rehab or detox even - I am not picky - but I am not holding my breath.

I have a meat giveaway scheduled for today, and so far three people have picked up - all right on time. DarkKnight is helping me with that as well. This time we are giving out a can of beans, a box of Mac & cheese, a pack of hot dogs and buns, as well as a pack of hamburger buns and a pound and a half of ground beef. We had 70 people sign up but we are only giving away 20 packages, unfortunately. Still, we will have 20 happy families in town today. Yay!!
 
I don’t even know where to start with this entry. I have to leave in a minute, but I guess I can write until then.

Tuesday drive to NY was uneventful. The weather was nice but it was boring. I picked up my mom at 7 pm and I had dinner at Wegmans in Canandaigua. I got her set up on her new iPad for Mother’s Day, and I stayed at her place overnight. In the morning I took her to where we had scattered my dad’s ashes in the lake, had lunch, and then bid her goodbye. At one point she argued with me about how Trump was picked specifically by an angel, chosen by god to lead our country to greatness. Ugh.
 
Bluebird said:
At one point she argued with me about how Trump was picked specifically by an angel, chosen by god to lead our country to greatness. Ugh.
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Blech. I don't know how I would react if someone I was close to openly admitted to being a Trump fan. Dude was just being an anarcho-asshole-antagonist (a phrase I just invented) - but he never claimed that Trump would be GOOD for the country, just that the fireworks would be significant.
 
Yeah, it’s a struggle, that’s for sure. She was loud and adamant about it. She told me his name in the Bible - I can’t remember it, which is crazy because she said it like 100 times - and said that he is “God’s trumpet.” She is very serious and it’s just insane to me.

Anyway, my oldest daughter had called me on Tuesday and said she was working on Wednesday but she would be out at 2, 3 or 4 pm. At 2 pm I checked into the hotel and waited. At 4 pm, I had in the schedule to go see my sister and her family, and my daughter said she was running late and to go without her. Ok.

My nephew is graduating from community college next weekend, so I brought him a card with $50 in it. His boyfriend was there as well, and it was awesome to see them both.

My sister shared how awful it is living with my brother, and how he doesn’t ever pay anything to live with her, doesn’t work, etc. Apparently he hasn’t gone through sentencing or anything yet on his felony charges, but it looks like he is going to get 3 years probation and 5 years probation on the other, concurrently. Only, he’s already violated because he was drunk on the officer’s first visit.

After visiting for a few hours, we decided to all go back to my hotel and go swimming. My sister wanted to put her beer in a cup and bring it with her, and I was absolutely against that idea. So, she decided to stay home. She is absolutely an alcoholic. I drove her 14 year old daughter and 7 year old son to the pool, and my nephew and his boyfriend drove over together. We had a great time!

My nephew has been accepted at Nazareth college in the Fall, and his scholarships cover everything but $6000 a semester. He is doing awesome! I am really happy for him. He only has to do 2 years at that price, so if he has to do loans, they won’t be too terrible. My niece got invited to a softball camp in the Fall but it costs $1100, so she doesn’t think she will be able to go. She is a Freshman in high school right now, but plays part time on the Varsity team. She has a guaranteed slot on the Varsity roster in the Fall, and already has colleges scouting her! I am hoping that we will be able to help her out a little bit. She is going to do some car washes over the summer to try and make it happen.
 
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I will never get this all posted! Geez.

Ok, around 7 pm my oldest daughter finally messages me and says she is on her way. I tell her her cousins are at the hotel and we are swimming. At 9 pm, she texts and says she is grabbing food and did I need anything? Y’all, she doesn’t show up until 1 am. I am beyond emotional at that point - I feel angry, disappointed, frightened, disrespected and just overall exhausted. She is hidden in several layers of pot smoke and heavy clothing. She is tiny and frail and her face is caked with makeup, yet I can still see where she is trying to hide scabs. Her hands are covered in withdrawal side effects. She is flighty, her voice full of agitation, her speech is short and clipped and manic. She is picking at her scalp, scratching her hair and pacing back and forth constantly. Definitely high on something other than pot, though she says right away she hasn’t shot up in a few weeks. She says nothing about pills or snorting coke, so I figure it must be one or the other. I ask how much she weighs and she tells me she has gained some weight, maybe 103 pounds now? I think that is being generous, but I can’t say it’s inaccurate because she has so many clothes on.

Her hair is still gorgeous, long and thick. She disappears to take a shower and she is in there for an hour and a half. She smells much better. She has dressed in several layers again for bed, hiding her arms from my view, but she knows I am looking at the scabs all over her hands. “I would rather pick there than on my face. I don’t want to make my face worse.”

She tells me she is smoking pot to decrease her agitation from not shooting up, and cigarettes are also a part of this cure. She excuses herself to go down outside and smoke, and I go to sleep.

In the morning I awaken to find her snoring softly in the bed next to mine, buried in a cocoon of blankets. We skip the free breakfast because we both want more sleep - we barely make the 11 am checkout time. We decide to eat at Denny’s. She eats a huge meal and her plate is licked clean. Literally. She’s always been thin and eating a little bit here and there, so to see her devour a Philly Cheesesteak Omelet with potatoes and a full glass of juice is an eye-opener.

We talk for two hours. She cries a lot. She says she doesn’t want to be in New York anymore, but she won’t come with me back to Maryland. She won’t go to rehab, she shuts down whenever I mention it, but I bring it up several times anyway. I offer to fill her car with gas, and she accepts that. I offer to pay for a storage unit for her household stuff, but she declines. “If I get a storage space, that makes all this real.” She is sleeping in her car, her stuff scattered throughout 4 different places she has stayed in the last 5 months. “I want to get an apartment soon, by the time I get everything moved into storage, I will be moving it all out to my own place.”

She has sporadic cleaning jobs, and claims her boss at her part time remodeling gig holds her money so she doesn’t buy drugs. She’s learning how to drywall and paint and yesterday she was learning tilework. “If I hadn’t gotten that job, I would move down with you, but now I want to try to make it work here for a while.” I am terrified this may be what kills her - she needs rehab so very badly.

I fill her car up and hug her goodbye. She allows a selfie at the pumps. I tell her she HAS to text me so I know she is okay. We both know that when she is high, she won’t keep that promise though.

She does send me a photo of both of her cats, later the next day. They’re both living with a roommate who kicked her out a few months back, after seeing needles in her bag. This ex-roommate reached out to me on Tuesday, actually. She is concerned my daughter might die. I am more than concerned, I am terrified. I spend the next hour alone at Starbucks, crying into my grande skinny chai latte and trying to make sure no one sees me doing it.
 
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After I got my shit together, I went and visited with my brother’s baby mama and their two kids. That was really great - they’re such cute kiddos! I spent about an hour there (they’re almost 2 and almost 4) and then drove over to Auburn, where I had dinner with my bestie. I stayed overnight in her hotel room, as she was working there for her job this week. That really improved my spirits, to be honest.

On the drive home, however, my sister texted me to tell me that it’s my fault if my daughter dies and I accomplished absolutely nothing by coming to NY. That I should have forced her into rehab.

Because that works, apparently.

Then later on the drive, my mom called me. My sister apparently told my a lot of untruths about my daughter - that her hair has all fallen out, etc. My mom called me to let me know that my brother called her and she was so upset. So I had to set the record straight. Then I was upset, because fuck everyone, seriously. I don’t need this kind of bullshit.

My mom actually JUST called me to say Happy Mother’s Day, but her next words were “Wow! Your sister says you are a horrible mother and responsible for your daughter’s death. You know that right? Can you believe she would say something like that? What do you think about that?” Just ugh. “Oh, and she says if it was her daughter, she would never go back to a different state and just abandon her child like that. Why wouldn’t you force her to go to rehab? Just make her go.”

I am seriously in tears right now because who the fuck says something like that? I can’t force a 28 year old into rehab! I can barely get her to talk to me! I am hurting so bad - my heart is in a zillion pieces, and this is my family. I just can’t. Fuck them and fuck this situation. My sister hasn’t laid eyes on my daughter in at least two years, and she definitely doesn’t even have her phone number. Actually, I don’t think any of them have her number.

I wish this was the worst of what is going on, but there is even more to write about and I don’t know if I can handle all of this anymore.

Good news is that all 3 of my children did message me for Mother’s Day.
 
I seriously am just done with trying to have a regular sleep schedule anymore. I am able to keep my shit together during the day because I spend an hour each morning making a to do list, but at night all bets are off.

When I was with my bestie Thursday night, I called both DarkKnight and PunkRock to say good night. PunkRock was not himself; he was clearly down and depressed and he told me he had not been out of bed that day because he was having difficulty with the idea of my oldest daughter being an addict. Anyway, all evening long his Facebook posts were growing erratic and I was really concerned. Like, he was posting disturbing song lyrics and just really worrisome, depressive stuff.

I came home to find him still in bed and smelling like jet fuel. He was drunk as shit and just crying and crying. Rather than being comforted about my terrible trip and my family completely shitting on me, I had to just hold him and hope for the best, while being devastated that he can’t be the man I need right now.

He’s been stressed out about his job, the other issues in our life at the moment and now my daughter’s addiction is just bringing up everything about his own rehabs and struggles over the years to stay sober and he has reached a breaking point. I honesty went to the bathroom and just vomited my guts out when he told me he had been drinking. Though he didn’t have to say a word because I could smell it oozing out of his pores when I first hit the stairs.

You know the analogy about having spoons to deal with stressors - well I am out of spoons. More than that, the entire drawer has been dumped into the sink, fallen down through the garbage disposal, gotten jammed up and bent and the whole thing is causing an electrical fire and the power is now out and the water has been shut off as a precaution and yeah, I am never getting those spoons back.

PunkRock ended up calling out of work on Saturday, which is worrisome because he’s on his probationary period there. However, he had drunk SO much, that he was still hungover then. The one good thing was that it was an optional overtime day, so it was okay.

I absolutely get what he is going through right now. I am terrified of it, but I do understand. I don’t know how to help him, in the face of everything else going on, but I am trying to support him by just being present. And listening. We spent most of the day on Friday together crying, wrapped around each other. I feel so incredibly helpless with this. He doesn’t have health insurance right now - probationary period - so he can’t afford therapy, and he’s working 12+ hour days, so going to an AA meeting isn’t going to happen. Maybe when we get back from North Carolina this week he can start going. I don’t know.

Yeah - our 4 year wedding anniversary is next Sunday, and we have a trip planned to the Raleigh-Durham area to see his dad & stepmom. PunkRock’s stepmom is blind and she just broke her arm. His dad is like 72 I think? and is not doing well, health wise - his stepmom says he weighs like 120 pounds and sleeps all day. They just moved to NC last year and had a house built, so this is our first time going down to see them since his dad retired. We are planning to start driving down Tuesday night coming up, after PunkRock gets out of work. Then we will stop halfway in a hotel, and continue our drive the next day. Hit the art museum on Wednesday afternoon maybe, and have dinner with his aunt. We plan to see the NC Museum of Natural History on Thursday and visit with his parents that evening. Friday is spent at a park, renting a canoe or set of kayaks and doing some paddling before starting our trip back. Saturday will be a leisurely drive, stopping at yard sales, vintage shops and flea markets.

At least, that’s the current plan. We already have the hotels paid for and some stuff reserved. I fucking need a break, for real, though with PunkRock’s parents’ health issues, we may end up scrapping some parts and helping them with their new house during our time there, instead.

After the trip, PunkRock will have 3 backto-back 12 hour days at work and THEN have 4 days off again, and we can look at AA or maybe piggybacking on some of my therapy sessions. I don’t know. I can’t really think, to be honest. I just know that my husband is breaking under this stress and I am barely keeping it together for the both of us.

I literally spent large parts of today weeping. Like a damn fool. It didn’t help and made me feel worse. PunkRock went to work and knocked a good day out of the park. He plans to do it again tomorrow. Then one more sleep, another full day at the warehouse and then we hit the road.

This is too long and I am STILL NOT DONE. You may have noticed a lack of DarkKnight here. Stay tuned to part #168 of this neverending week of wow.
 
I also have no idea where to start with DarkKnight. He has now been out of work for two months, and he is an anxious mess. Though our bills are paid and we have enough to be covered til the beginning of July, he is starting to be panicky.

Good news is that he had an interview in Rockville on Wednesday (which is why he didn’t go to NY with me as planned originally). PunkRock drove him, since I had taken my car, and apparently it went really well. He got a message on Thursday from the headhunter there and they said to expect an offer early next week, and they wanted to know if he had any other offers/expected offers on the table. The answer to that is yes!

On Friday he had a second in-person interview at the firm in Chambersburg - which is the one that my ex, SmoothJazz, got him hooked on with. Basically it was a - here is everything about the job specifically that we want you to do, are you interested? - meeting. They promise to have an offer letter to him on Monday. Which I guess, looking at the time I am writing this, is today. He is excited about the work, there is some travel, lots of project planning and training for his team and managing a large part of the business in combining software somehow. I don’t know - but he’s upbeat about the opportunity. Only, they don’t offer health insurance. It’s a small startup, but it’s been around for a short bit and been stable, apparently.

But the no health insurance thing is scary. I went on the Maryland Marketplace today and did some quick looking and it seemed like we would be able to purchase an okay plan with a significant subsidy offered to make it VERY affordable for he and I. Only, I am not really clear on how subsidies work exactly - do we have to pay that back at tax time? - and the numbers were estimates, since we don’t have an offer to see how much they will be potentially paying him. We do know they are going to be offering less than he was making at his old job, so what the health care costs come in at could potentially be a dealbreaker.

We have no idea what the Rockville firm may be offering. That position is less desirable, off the top, because of the distance involved. It’s about an hour away, so it’s doable, but it’s just on the edge of what DarkKnight is comfortable with, with his nighttime tics. There are a lot of what ifs, and honestly, I think DarkKnight is more anxious now than he has been with no offers.

I feel like a complete shit wife because with PunkRock spiraling fast, I had to give DarkKnight the bare minimum attention. We’ve all been eating garbage takeout food non-stop and as a result we all feel like crap. Today I did get out and do some grocery shopping, so DarkKnight made dinner. I know that doesn’t sound helpful, but it’s something that centers him and makes him feel responsible and loving - his Love Language is Acts of Service. When we eat out or order in, he gets kinda on edge a bit. The rest of the day today though, I kinda hid in the basement all afternoon. I just needed to do something that wasn’t for others. I bought a puzzle book at the store and just focused on something that had no importance whatsoever.

My youngest daughter came over at dinner and brought me chocolate covered strawberries that were legit as big as my fist. Those were from her and my son. They were yummy, and we all shared them. PunkRock was in the basement after dinner, but DarkKnight, my daughter and I watched Game of Thrones. Or tried to, anyway. Our internet has been working sporadically for a couple of weeks now and it’s so fucking frustrating! It’s outages all over town and we have to keep resetting the router and modem. It’s a pain in the ass.

But yeah, DarkKnight needs some serious face time with me and it’s like everything is involving other people or we have to deal with something specific together and we haven’t been able to just like, hold each other. He and my oldest daughter were like peas and carrots when she was a teenager and he is just as devastated as I am about her addiction. We need to grab each other and never let go but that hasn’t happened yet. Fuck fuck fuckitty fuck. No spoons.

It was his birthday Wednesday and I missed it, being in New York! I had bought him a DNA Ancestry Kit and he already has had the results back, but I still feel shitty about it. He and PunkRock went out for Thai or Vietnamese food, I think. Drunk PunkRock told me the food was delicious and that he and DarkKnight bonded SO MUCH while I was gone. I haven’t had time to sit and talk to DarkKnight about it. I know he is horrified and scared about all this going on and I need to give him 100% of my attention tomorrow.

The Blessing Box has actually been doing okay in the middle of this mess, in a large part because of DarkKnight answering the door and doing refills. Both he and PunkRock did some furniture runs and pick ups on Wednesday, actually. I did a meal giveaway the day I left, and today I did a Mother’s Day contest for a $25 Amazon gift card. The page is staying active. I need to pay bills for the house tomorrow, and I am hoping to run out and get a touch up on my roots, and get my eyebrows done. I hope I can find $30 in my bank account to get a pedicure - holy fuck that would be awesome. Maybe I will do that stuff Tuesday though, so i really can spend most of the day focusing on DarkKnight.
 
I wish things would just work out like I planned. Geez. I have like zero time to write again, so I will summarize as quickly as I can! :)

I had an amazing week on vacation with PunkRock. We were both kinda on edge and anxious on the drive down to North Carolina. It was really weird, and we both remarked on it. We left on Tuesday, drove for several hours, and stayed overnight at a hotel in Richmond. Wednesday, we completed the trip to Raleigh and rented out a huge King suite at a hotel for a couple of days. We got it at $99 a night, which was an absolute steal with all the space we had! We visited with his aunt on Wednesday, and toured a local arboretum. We bought and played a board game that night, which was based on the "Choose Your Own Adventure" books, so that was super cool.

On Thursday we went to the state art museum, and then had lunch with one of PunkRock's best friends, who he had owned the game store with, a few years back. Afterward we went downtown and hit up the History museum, and saw an exhibit on WWI, which was really well done. Both of the museums were free, so that was nice. We had dinner with PunkRock's dad and stepmom, and saw their new house that they just had built. We decided that PunkRock is going to fly down soon and help them unpack and move furniture. His stepmom broke her arm and is blind, so not much is being done right now. His dad weighs maybe 120 pounds - he is in his 70s and is just bones. He seemed okay, but we are worried. They were both happy about the idea of PunkRock coming back down. Looks like it would be $200 round trip, tops, and he would stay at their place while down there. I think it is something that needs to happen, so we are going to plan on it sometime in June.

On Friday we drove back up to Richmond, stopping at a ghost town along the way in Virginia, to explore and take photos. We actually stayed at the same hotel that we did on Tuesday! That night we played a game of Takaido, which is something I played ages ago with DarkKnight and loved, so I bought it recently for $25 on Amazon.

Saturday we drove back to our home, stopping in Front Royal - which is where we actually got married 4 years ago! We did a tour of the Skyline Caverns and then headed back into our town. I was so very excited to see DarkKnight!

I would say that this trip was very good for my relationship with PunkRock, and both of our mental health statuses. It was good to just focus on each other, and not all of the stress life has been throwing at us lately. We had amazing sex almost every morning - he initiated most of the time, which made me feel very wanted and desirable, even though I am at my largest weight in my life right now, I think.

The job in Chambersburg that DarkKnight had high hopes for low-balled him, so he counteroffered and they wouldn't budge. He isn't willing to take such an extremely low salary, so he passed. This was depressing again. The Rockville position still hasn't sent him an offer, though the headhunter is saying it will come soon. He did get a phone call from another headhunter, but that position is located in Chantilly, VA, so if it was a good job, we would have to sell our house and move. Which is what we don't want to do. :( So, yeah, DarkKnight is still unemployed and looking. Our budget is good, for now, until July, without dipping into our $10,000 moving fund. I have that set aside in case he gets a job and we have to relocate. Mid June we are going to have to start withdrawing from that to pay the mortgage & utilities. PunkRock can cover our grocery bills and our life insurance. All of our bills are paid for May.

This morning at 3 am I missed two calls from my daughter in New York. I called her when I woke up, and she was very short. She said she wanted to move down here with me "next week" and asked if that would be okay. I said yes, just let me know her plans. She said "I love you" and then hung up.

This is CRAZY. I now have a to-do list started and it is growing by the minute. It's stressful because I can't be 100% on this actually happening, but I have to prepare as if it is. We will have to pay for a moving truck, a storage unit and I think we will at least have to buy my daughter a bed. Thank goodness PunkRock has a work shift that will allow him to have the end of the week off in a row, because he won't have to ask for time off to go up and drive the moving truck back. We will need to get my daughter some sort of health insurance, into detox or rehab and go from there. She has two cats that will have to be confined to our kitten room and DarkKnight's office - which is going to make our cats go absolutely bat shit. Which we are still having issues with both Milton and Lenny peeing, though it is just on the basement landing at this point - and PunkRock is ripping out everything there this week and putting down a new subfloor and tilework, so that should stop it there. But having two new cats could trigger all sorts of nonsense.

I also just bought $150 worth of supplies for fostering kittens. That isn't happening now. My youngest daughter is coming over today to help clear out our sunporch, which is where most of the kitten room items need to be moved to - the cat tree, storage bins, etc. Also, I've been gone for two weeks basically, so my overflow room for the Blessing Box is back to being crazy.

This has to happen though. My daughter is an addict, and if she is reaching out, then we need to grab her and help.
 
My ex husband is keeping up with communications, which is a first. He's been texting me quite a bit about our daughter. He is supposed to be seeing her today - right now in fact - to put a new tire on her car (she's on a donut) so she can drive safety to Maryland next week. He's also supposed to be giving her $10 cash to open a bank account.

I had a lot of back and forth on Monday, texting with my daughter about her move here. It was positive and planning was going well. She had reached out to me, not the other way around, so things were good. I messaged a bit with a friend I had made through the Blessing Box - she works at the community free clinic here. She had me call her and we talked about getting my daughter into rehab, or at least getting her help with 1) getting tested for STIs 2) having her IUD removed (she's had it for 12 years) 3) making sure none of her scabs are infected, her injection points are clean 4) getting her on some medication for anxiety. There are a bunch of hoops to jump through, so they have now already been started. The whole "having a bank account" thing is part of that - in order to be seen you need to be a resident and have proof of that. So if I can get my daughter to have a bank account, when she moves here one of the first things we can do is go in and change the address to mine. She won't have any utilities in her name, but they will accept a bank statement showing the address. (So that's why my ex is giving her $10 - to get that set up.) Getting her a Maryland license was also stressed to me, but that was already on my to do list when she does arrive.

Anyway, my contact says she will be bending some rules, but she will make it happen because of who I am. I was legit tearing up when she said that. I have no shame though - if this saves my daughter's life, I will absolutely call in every favor I can. The Blessing Box is paying me blessings! She also said that their new head person used to be the head over at the animal shelter, so pushing it through shouldn't be difficult because this lady also knows me, because of my kitten foster care stuff. Also, this person is close friends with a guy who runs an addiction recovery center in town. My contact isn't quite sure what they do or how it works, but she is going to talk to her boss about connecting up to get my daughter some assistance with getting in there ASAP as well.

That said, on Tuesday I had zero contact with my daughter. She left me on "read" with everything. I then got an angry text from a guy who has been feeding me information about her - apparently my daughter is back with her ex who got her hooked. Which makes complete sense as to why she suddenly ghosted me yesterday, as she knows I will not be okay with this. Apparently she sold her motorcycle to him and they hooked back up.

As I was writing this, my ex texted to tell me that our daughter did show up on time, and she got her tire fixed. Unfortunately, she showed up with the addict dude in tow, and apparently their plan now is that they BOTH are coming down here. Um, no fucking way am I letting him move into my house. There is zero chance of my daughter getting clean with him around. My daughter still hasn't messaged me, but I figure I will hear from her soon. I am not sure how she is going to spin this. At the least, I desperately need her to get in to the clinic and be seen for health reasons, and into rehab because I need her to not die. FUCK FUCK FUCK

Any advice with what to do in this situation would be welcome. I have no idea how to react to this. I want her here, but I am not sure how to make it work now. This guy had his wife OD a few years ago, and he has cheated on my daughter no less than 3 times in the few months they were together last year. He got her started on drugs and her life is now shit because of it. He has also been incredibly disrespectful to me and my family.
 
Bluebird said:
My ex husband is keeping up with communications, which is a first. He's been texting me quite a bit about our daughter. He is supposed to be seeing her today - right now in fact - to put a new tire on her car (she's on a donut) so she can drive safety to Maryland next week. He's also supposed to be giving her $10 cash to open a bank account.

I had a lot of back and forth on Monday, texting with my daughter about her move here. It was positive and planning was going well. She had reached out to me, not the other way around, so things were good. I messaged a bit with a friend I had made through the Blessing Box - she works at the community free clinic here. She had me call her and we talked about getting my daughter into rehab, or at least getting her help with 1) getting tested for STIs 2) having her IUD removed (she's had it for 12 years) 3) making sure none of her scabs are infected, her injection points are clean 4) getting her on some medication for anxiety. There are a bunch of hoops to jump through, so they have now already been started. The whole "having a bank account" thing is part of that - in order to be seen you need to be a resident and have proof of that. So if I can get my daughter to have a bank account, when she moves here one of the first things we can do is go in and change the address to mine. She won't have any utilities in her name, but they will accept a bank statement showing the address. (So that's why my ex is giving her $10 - to get that set up.) Getting her a Maryland license was also stressed to me, but that was already on my to do list when she does arrive.

Anyway, my contact says she will be bending some rules, but she will make it happen because of who I am. I was legit tearing up when she said that. I have no shame though - if this saves my daughter's life, I will absolutely call in every favor I can. The Blessing Box is paying me blessings! She also said that their new head person used to be the head over at the animal shelter, so pushing it through shouldn't be difficult because this lady also knows me, because of my kitten foster care stuff. Also, this person is close friends with a guy who runs an addiction recovery center in town. My contact isn't quite sure what they do or how it works, but she is going to talk to her boss about connecting up to get my daughter some assistance with getting in there ASAP as well.

That said, on Tuesday I had zero contact with my daughter. She left me on "read" with everything. I then got an angry text from a guy who has been feeding me information about her - apparently my daughter is back with her ex who got her hooked. Which makes complete sense as to why she suddenly ghosted me yesterday, as she knows I will not be okay with this. Apparently she sold her motorcycle to him and they hooked back up.

As I was writing this, my ex texted to tell me that our daughter did show up on time, and she got her tire fixed. Unfortunately, she showed up with the addict dude in tow, and apparently their plan now is that they BOTH are coming down here. Um, no fucking way am I letting him move into my house. There is zero chance of my daughter getting clean with him around. My daughter still hasn't messaged me, but I figure I will hear from her soon. I am not sure how she is going to spin this. At the least, I desperately need her to get in to the clinic and be seen for health reasons, and into rehab because I need her to not die. FUCK FUCK FUCK

Any advice with what to do in this situation would be welcome. I have no idea how to react to this. I want her here, but I am not sure how to make it work now. This guy had his wife OD a few years ago, and he has cheated on my daughter no less than 3 times in the few months they were together last year. He got her started on drugs and her life is now shit because of it. He has also been incredibly disrespectful to me and my family.
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Let him come.

Sit them both down and explain to them that you're doing this for your daughter, not him, and you actually don't want him here. But it's your way of trying to save your daughter's life. Explain that it's too risky to issue ultimatums and hope that she wants to do the right thing enough to ignore her love for him so instead, you're welcoming him into your home with the expectation that your daughter will not allow him to hurt your family and he will use your kindness as a platform to get his life together while she does the same.

Explain to him that he's only here because she wants him here and the second she wants him gone, even if he's clean and doing well, he's out of your house and family. Until that time, you'll do what you can to help him but your daughter is obviously your priority.

Explain that you will not make your daughter choose but you will support her to a place where she is making good choices. Explain that it is within his power to make himself eligible as one of those good choices when she reaches that place. Explain that you do not think he is that good choice at this point but again, it's too risky to do anything but bring your daughter home to help her try and save her life.

Lay out expectations in terms of rehab, jobs, chores, money (doubt it!), etc. Explain to your daughter that a failure to meet expectations will not result in you kicking out your daughter (and therefore him), but it will mean that hurt and risk to the family is increased substantially by her choices and you believe she has more love for you than to allow that to become your new normal.

Cross your fingers and hope for the fucking best.
 
Ugh, my ex texted me and said that our daughter didn't take the $10, and says her plan now is to move to Jacksonville, FL with this guy. I guess she hasn't hit bottom yet. There isn't anything I can do to help her then, at this point. If she isn't a resident, she can't go to rehab or get medical assistance. We just have to watch her spiral down again. This guy is not going to stick by her - he is more than likely using her for a ride to where he wants to go and then will leave her shortly thereafter.

This sucks so very bad, but at least now I can direct my efforts back to fostering kittens. I can't help my daughter until she is willing to accept that help, even though I am desperately terrified of losing her. I guess I will wait now to hear from her.

Today is going to be busy, but thankfully I actually have a therapy appointment scheduled this afternoon. This morning PunkRock is actually getting signed up at the free clinic - they have a mental health outreach and because he doesn't have insurance, he should qualify for assistance there. He seems motivated to start seeing someone regularly for therapy, and maybe have his meds adjusted. He is going to go get his paperwork processed at 10 am, and then we are meeting for lunch at a new Mediterranean place in town. Then he will come home and work on ripping out and putting in a new floor at the top of the basement stairs - which is where our two cats keep peeing. (When we moved in, we tore up the old floor and put down new luan, but then never extended the kitchen floor tile into the space. So the cats have been peeing onto the bare wood. Well, we now have to rip that out, replace it and then finally put down the tile. We have the tile already, so its mostly a matter of actually doing the work.) After lunch, I will head to therapy and then go grocery shopping.

I am tired already.
 
SEASONEDPolyAgain - thanks for your quick insight. I actually really appreciate it. Something tells me I will need it in the future.

Fuck this situation. I hate this. I love my daughter so much.

There is a part of me that is glad that PunkRock will have some space and time now to focus on his own demons, so when my daughter does finally reach out again, he will be that much more healthier himself.
 
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