Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

It's an interesting point, though. Plenty of people have come here admitting they cheated only because they realized they were poly and didn't know how to tell their spouse and were afraid of bringing it up. In some of those instances, they've been met here with a very gentle attitude and great understanding for how difficult it is to realize you're poly and be afraid to tell your spouse.

Have you considered discussing with DK's stepfather whether he might be poly? Maybe he was hoping to open that line of communication with you? Maybe this would be a chance for DK's mom and stepfather to really grow in their communication and honesty with each other.

How would DK's mother feel about opening up?
 
She would not be open to it at all. Neither would he. They dislike the idea so much, they held an “intervention” for DarkKnight and I a few years ago. My father-in-law does not want to have sex with women any more, just with guys, and as far as I know, he’s not into polyamory. He just wants sex from his partners. That’s fine as a stand alone choice, all other things not being an issue.

Mother-in-law does not want to continue being married to someone who has lied to her throughout the relationship. We are talking about multiple infidelities with strangers - not just a single affair - over multiple years. For me personally, that also would be an intolerable place to grow from. If he is actually interested in polyamory, my mother-in-law will not be someone who is willing to move forward from those betrayals, and risks to her health. I don’t blame her.

I also have zero interest in being a poster child for them, or anyone, honestly.

In no universe am I wanting to counsel and guide someone who has expressed anti-gay statements to us in the past, who has called strangers “faggots,” etc. He’s very much a MAGA hat wearing bigot.
 
My oldest daughter’s last cat that was still here in my house being fostered was adopted this morning by a friend. I am so very glad. My daughter hasn’t spoken to me in over a week so that is worrisome. I am afraid she is off using heroin.
 
Glad you have managed to home the cats.

I can't imagine how horrific this is for you with your older daughter. We talk about vulnerability with romantic partners but children have our hearts in such a fierce way.

It's obvious you're doing your best to be a safe person for your older daughter to turn to when she is making better decisions. She knows she can trust you to care about her wellbeing, to truly care. She won't get that comfort from drugs or many other people. That's invaluable, and she knows it, even if she has chosen to harm herself right now. So try to be gentle on yourself, you're doing all the right things.
 
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My mom wants me to come to NY next week, for my niece and nephew’s birthday party. I’m not sure if I can really afford it, with DarkKnight not working again, but I really want to see my daughter. Also, my extended family is crazy, but I still want to see them.
 
I decided against going to NY - the cash just isn’t there. I ended up buying my niece and nephew their birthday gifts on Amazon, so those should be delivered today.

I took the day off from life yesterday and spent the entire time in bed. I am so overweight and my acid reflux is pretty much nonstop. The constant coughing is exhausting. I curled up in DarkKnight’s bedroom and spent the entire day rereading the Hunger Games trilogy. There are better things to read, but PunkRock and I bought the first two movies the other day while on a date, (we went to WonderBook whee there was a crazy good sale) and that made me want to read the stories again. Anyway, it was nice to be lazy all day.

Did I post about PunkRock? He got poison ivy again this year, digging in the flower beds in short sleeves. Only, he got it all over his junk. The first night he told me he thought he might have caught a yeast infection from me - but I didn’t have one. The next day he told me he had to go to Urgent Care, because his dick was crazy swollen, red and covered in a rash. This was a while ago - I haven’t had sex in at least two weeks with anyone but myself! At this point his penis is back to looking normal - the doctor put him on prednisone and calmine lotion - but I am still scared of catching something crazy. I don’t need itchy genitalia. He still has patches on his arms.

I finally went and got my hair colored in the salon and now it’s super dark. I am used to having orange-y bright hair, so this is taking some getting used to. I am getting a crazy amount of compliments though, so I am adjusting okay. I am still a red head, just it’s dark red.
 
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DarkKnight had a very promising interview today - they did a phone interview yesterday and then asked him for an in-person one this morning. He called me afterward and it went really well. I am waiting for him to get home to hear the details! He has another interview tomorrow that is just as great, That one contacted him last week for the phone interview. Apparently they required a skills test online prior to the phone interview, and DarkKnight was aggravated because the test didn’t give a score at the end and he wanted to know how he did. The person who did the phone interview said he got an 800 out of 800 and the CEO said that his application deserved to be at the top of the pile! It’s in a very close town and the pay is perfect so I am keeping my fingers crossed! The one today had a good salary but it was located between DC and Baltimore so it’s a bit of a commute. Oh, and DarkKnight has a phone interview scheduled with yet a different company on Thursday.

I really hope he gets hired someplace this week! I am really starting to get anxious about our finances. We will be okay for August, but September we will need to budget in a stricter manner.

I think next week I am starting a strict diet again to try and shed some pounds. I really am unhappy with where I am right now. Out of nowhere I started getting a lot of messages on OKC - OKC started sending me emails about guys writing messages. I logged in and was aghast to find that all of my photos were from last summer. It made me feel like a catfish because I look nothing like that now. I did a few left swipes and read a few of the messages but no one really stands out at all. I am not in the right headspace to date anyone anyway. I need to work on me and focus on my family. It would be great if someone was railing me on the regular, but I have no desire for meaningless sex at the moment. Both DarkKnight and PunkRock need emotional attention and sexing up strangers isn’t going to sit well with either of them. Or me. Sigh. I would love to feel some NRE right now, but that would just serve as an escape from all of the other issues. So that’s not okay.
 
I know, right?! I guess he didn’t wash his hands well enough before using the restroom? It’s all clear now and we have been able to get our freak on with no side effects, thank goodness. Lol Damn though, PunkRock just turns me on still, like you wouldn’t believe! It was definitely difficult having to hold off because of poison ivy!

Today DarkKnight had a second interview with the company between DC & Baltimore. It was mostly just shooting the breeze with the higher ups, and he thinks it went well. So now it’s just a matter of waiting for an offer. His interview with the company located closer went really well, but people there are going on vacation/are out of the office. If he gets an offer from the other place sooner, he’s going to have to tell the other business they will miss out! His interview yesterday in Germantown was a meh, he felt. They told him out of the 10 phone interviews, they only met with 3 people - DarkKnight being the last one. He said he got the impression they had made a decision already, but he didn’t think he showed badly. Just might not be what they wanted.

I am so very anxious I can barely eat. Hopefully one of these works out.

The Blessing Box has me incredibly overwhelmed today - it’s Fresh Food Friday and with so many people stopping, it is hard to keep up. We got a large donation from a national food distributor yesterday, so my overflow space is a wreck. I started another raffle game so that is progressing, and at 2 pm today we will be picking up the shed that was crowd-funded for us on Facebook. PunkRock will be building the base today, and then assembling it tomorrow.

I am hoping to start our next Zombicide campaign tonight, as DarkKnight has the evening off from the theater. I think the next one in line is Prison Break. I did buy a new board game last night, Lanterns. I haven’t had a chance to look at it yet though. I need to get moving because I need to get stuff put away so we can actually use the game room table!

Oh, and later today is sign ups for our next meal giveaway. So I am going to have a couple of hours of nonstop messages in a while!

We have 3 kittens left in our foster room, and one is going home at 1 pm. The other two I am trying to have them rehomed to the shelter foster office. If that happens, they’ll be allowed to free roam where two people are working. They do this for kittens who are skittish, which Nacho & Mozzarella are. It’s a closed room so they will have to interact with the people there, and it usually only takes a couple of days for cats to sort out their fear since there isn’t any other option! I hope they get picked for that. I don’t have the time available to sit in our foster room and give them the attention needed right now.
 
He just got a call for a second interview with the closer location for Monday! So exciting!
 
I really just want to stay in bed all day. DarkKnight made me breakfast in bed - bacon and French toast - so that didn’t help things! I did get up and change the kitten room litter and I added water to two pet fountains. Now I am back in bed and trying to motivate myself to shower. My Blessing Box meat giveaway starts at 11, so I really need to get moving!
 
Hi Bluebird, I havent been coming to the board much lately, since I've not been dating and there was nothing to report. But I decided to come back and check in a bit with the regulars.

I understand your priorities right now are your daughter, and DK's employment prospects. But can I just back up and say, that thing with DK's mother's husband is so insanely gross and weird! I totally get what you're saying about the sheer hypocrisy of them trying an intervention with your poly family a few years back, and now, that mofo is trying to get your husband, a family member, to have sex with him!? Your MAGA hat wearing asshole, homophobic racist "father in law." Ugh!!

I understand there are probably millions of closeted gay and bi men in conservative communities. Where they can't risk their reputations as "real men" by being out. The 4000 year patriarchy wounds men as well as women. Yada yada. Still gross and still angering! How out of touch he must be to feel out his own wife's son about his co-husband's likelihood to be interested in what's in his pants! On a scale of 1-10, where murder and child rape is a 10, this is a solid 8. Ew ew ew. Brain bleach.
 
DarkKnight told me yesterday that his mom seemed to be back together with her husband. It squicks me out terribly, but I am over what they do. It isn’t having any effect on me at all, in my day to day.

DarkKnight’s 2nd interview was today with the close-by company, and he said he felt really good about it. So now we have two businesses that he felt great about, and we are waiting for offers. My anxiety was sky high this morning over this, so I figured it couldn’t get any worse and so I called my orthodontist. Their new offer is to finish this round of Invisalign for $1200. Which I guess is their out of pocket lab fee cost. They didn’t say anything about retainers so I am waiting for them to call back. I am over this bullshit as well.

I have no idea what is going on with my oldest daughter again. I don’t know how to channel my emotions in any way at all - there is no way to help her and so I eat. I feel so disgusting at this weight and my health is not good. My acid reflux is impossible lately. I need to do better. I made one change recently - I haven’t had any soda at all for a couple of weeks now. I only ever drink diet soda normally, but even so, I cut it all out. I definitely see improvement with that. It’s about all I can muster, honestly.

The Blessing Box is keeping me busy and it gives me something to focus on instead of wallowing in my anxiety. Last night a Wendy’s in Frederick contacted me at like 6 pm with a donation of a bunch of tables and chairs. They were being demolished this morning and they wanted to offer those so they didn’t go to waste. I had someone go and pick them all up for me, so my entire day today has been rehoming them all. 16 tables and 13 chairs - so many families are excited and happy. It’s difficult to maintain this dark cloud when kids are showing me how they are going to sit and color, and knowing that a new mom now has a proper place to sit and eat dinner, rather than on a couch with a plate in her lap.

I am so very tired though. I need a good cry for no reason.
 
Can't you take Prilosec? It's dangerous to the lining of your throat to go on having it attacked with acid on the daily. I came down with acid reflux with my first pregnancy, and a medical professional told me the lining of my stomach may have been slightly pushed up into my esophagus by the large babies I carried. Anyway, taking Prilosec changed my life. I had already sustained so much damage, I used to need it every day, but I've been down to a twice a week dose for ages now. So my esophagus healed over time.
 
I’m on a daily prescription, but since I gained 40 pounds it isn’t working. I need to go back to the doctor to up my dose, but I don’t wanna because it’s like admitting I am fat. Sigh.
 
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Good news! The close-by company wants DarkKnight to come in tomorrow morning for a “meeting.” We are hoping this means an offer will be forthcoming. We just got a note that our free COBRA health care payments come to an end September 1, at which point it will cost us $1,900 a month for shitty insurance. Please let this be an offer! We are going to go through his closet shortly to see what new clothing he needs for a business casual job.

That said, I had amazing sex with DarkKnight this morning when we first woke up. Holy shit. I was shaking afterward, it was so intense. Today is officially 14 years since I moved in with him, traveling from New York to Texas to live with an Internet stranger. I mean, we had met and hooked up prior to that, but I still didn’t know much about him personally at all. I am glad we both took a chance, because he is still my person. ❤️❤️
 
Bluebird

This could be one of a few things
(1) An offer hopefully. But a lot of companies have HR offer you on the phone if decision already made
(2) A final meeting with additional decision makers if more than one candidate remains.
(3) A final meeting with more than one interviewer. This is called a panel interview and it can be stressful, which it is meant to be.

No matter which, it still looks very promising and i hope it works out to relieve some of your stress
 
Well, he’s done an online test and scored the highest of all candidates. His first interview was with the CFO, who is running the location. Second interview was with the CFO again, and a tech guy representing the entire IT staff (which is currently 100% outsourced to a small company) and someone else internal. He said they were deliberate in not calling tomorrow’s meeting an interview, and they told him to come dressed business casual. I was surprised that they weren’t emailing him at all about offers or interviews, but apparently the last person in the position compromised the entire firm somehow and he was told almost everyone in the company is avoiding emails?! From what has been told to him, he was the only candidate who received a second interview.

I am really hoping this is it! He hasn’t heard back from the company that was further away yet. I think if tomorrow he feels weird about this position, he will call to follow up with the other company as well.

We had a really great day together - starting with mind-blowing sex is always great, but then we went out to buy him a couple of new pairs of khakis and like 4 polo shirts. Oh and 3 undershirts. So he was feeling positive because stuff looked great on him. Then we did some grocery shopping and stopped at Starbucks for some iced drinks and we shared 3 vanilla scones.

Tonight we are going to talk about what he is looking for in terms of benefits and salary again, so if they do want to make an offer, he is clear on what we need.

Other good news - my last two kittens moved into the shelter lobby today, so tomorrow will be a cleaning day for me in the foster room. I have teamed up with a small local rescue who needs some older cats to be rehomed, and they are covering the litter and food 100%. So we will probably pick up those kitties on Thursday? I think we will have at most 4, but probably just 2. They are changing their scope of work - going to just offering low cost spay/neutering and shots, or trap/fix/release, and at the moment they have a large amount of older cats that they have not had time to properly advertise. So I am going to take a couple off of their hands and try to help out.

The dentist office called back and the cost will be $1200, and since it’s a year’s worth of trays, I can pay $100 a month. This includes the retainers at the end. I am satisfied with this. Right now the start date is set at September 25.
 
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He got an offer! It was on the low side, but not an insult, and actually reasonable for our area. He is up for an increase in 90 days - if they can fire the firm they are using for IT support at that point, he will get a small bump of $3000-$5000.
They offered medical insurance starting in 90 days, so he countered with it starting when ours ends on Sept 1. It’s a good plan too - medical AND dental covering us and our youngest daughter (she is under 26) for $75 every two weeks. I think DarkKnight was paying over $200 at the last job, and from what I see it’s a really good plan. We should hear by this afternoon if they are okay with the Sept 1 date.

They have flex time too - so he can go in early and leave early, and he was told that most people eat lunch at their desks so they can get out of work early. The best for me is that it’s literally a 9 minute drive, so if I need to keep the car (DarkKnight and I share one vehicle), I can drop him off and pick him up later.

He is excited about the position, and about being his own boss - he will be the entire IT department at this location. He is really stoked about what level the company is operating at, because he knows he can bring them up to date with security, equipment and documentation. It is going to be his sort of fun.

Yay! He was really happy and I am really happy. However, we now have a LOT of work to do to get our savings back to an acceptable level and restart DarkKnight’s retirement plan. I am REALLY glad we didn’t have to pull any money from PunkRock’s savings to survive. That’s what we were heading toward and that desperate feeling in my stomach can go bye bye now!
 
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