Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

Gah! I haven’t written in forever. The Blessing Box has been closed all week due to construction on my street. Our brand new sidewalks are looking good, and tonight was the first evening we were able to park in our driveway in what feels like forever. The new plan is to open on Tuesday - we got a letter today that the entire street will be closed on Monday for repaving in parts. I wish I could say it’s been relaxing not being open, but if anything it’s upped the number of messages I have been receiving and I’ve been more stressed than usual!

Our 2 remaining foster cats are returning to their rescue group tomorrow afternoon - I tried the best that I could, but only half the older kitties I had were adopted out. I need to return them because I need the space! My Senior Santa project this year has 43 letters, and some of the gifts are already arriving and I need that room to store them in. Also, I will soon start collecting for our Christmas decoration giveaway, and last year that room was packed FULL.

My weight loss is going well - I weigh myself on Sunday mornings, but I know I am at least at 12 pounds lost. Yay! My Invisalign is also going okay and I am on week 5 with that.

Our matching pajamas for Christmas this year are going to be Harry Potter. I ordered it all this morning and I am super excited. Each of us is going to have a buffalo-plaid bottom that matches our House colors (DarkKnight is Hufflepuff, PunkRock is Slytherin and I’m a Ravenclaw). DarkKnight & PunkRock have matching tshirts that say “Mischief Managed” while mine says “I solemnly swear I am up to no good.” Lol Freaking perfect!

I still am not dating anyone, but I really don’t feel a lack of relationships in my life at the moment. I mean, I REALLY wish I was having more sex but I’ve mostly been managing it through morning masturbation and then staying up super late until I can’t possibly stay awake any longer. I feel depressed about it, but I really do believe this is just the way life is for me.
 
I am so tired this morning, but other than that I am having a good day. Last night I booked a 3 day stay in Ocean City for PunkRock and I - Thursday through Saturday. I am looking forward to it, bunches! We got a suite with a full kitchen, a jacuzzi tub and a balcony overlooking the ocean. It’s supposed to be rainy and in the 60-70s, but I am so down for cuddling with my sweetie and looking out at the water! Since we are both on our low carb diet, we’re planning meals to make in our room - Thursday night will be steaks and a Gorgonzola spinach salad. Yum! I also suggested another charcuterie picnic, for Friday on the beach. Double yum!

I want a getaway with DarkKnight but he doesn’t get time off until mid November, so we are waiting til then to plan something. My only other trip this year will be to NY around Christmas.

Today I have a 1 pm appointment to interview another willing Hub City Human participant. Gotta keep cranking out those posts.
 
PunkRock and I had an amazing getaway! Very low key and relaxing. I wanted to stay! We were on the 11th floor and we kept the balcony door open all night, just to hear the waves. It was seriously a good time - I recommend the off season, for sure - the beach was almost completely deserted and things were just peaceful.

At the same time, I was super happy to come home and snuggle DarkKnight. I missed him a lot. I am excited for him because he got the part of Eeyore in the Winnie the Pooh children’s play he wanted to be in for Christmas, but I am also kind of bummed about it. He has a show every weekend, so we won’t be taking any trips together now. He talked about maybe doing something midweek though, but he doesn’t like taking time off from work, so I am not sure how that will go. I definitely want to go to NY during or right after Christmas, but that’s not really a romantic getaway - it’s a stress trip!

I am on day 2 of my period and this cycle has been a nightmare. It’s extremely heavy. I mean, extremely! My last two have been relatively light and meh, but this one - holy crap. I bled through my tampons yesterday and last night as well. I’m not really crampy at all - but I am crazy nauseous and dehydrated. There’s not enough water in the world! I also didn’t lose any weight at all this past week, but I know that’s because of my period, and not because I ate bad. I stuck to my diet! DarkKnight and PunkRock both have lost 14 pounds each now. I am holding at 12 pounds lost. I hope that next Sunday I show the loss that I missed this week!

Things were very busy at the Blessing Box when I returned from my trip - I had fun getting caught up with stuff. We are still giving away a lot of furniture from a hotel, and scheduling continues to take up a lot of time. I did a breakfast giveaway yesterday, and lots of special request items went home - curtains, a brand new high chair and an umbrella stroller. Someone had donated an infant car seat while I was on my trip, and yesterday morning I received a frantic message from a grandmother whose daughter had her baby a month early, and they desperately needed one. I was so happy to have one in stock! Today I am hoping to work on hanging up coats and hoodies, and I have a bunch of requests for cold weather clothes for toddlers. Gotta get all of those filled and outta here. Apparently the 43 Senior Santa letters I have received weren’t enough, because I got an email from a contact at the Commission on Aging and they apparently have gathered “a stack” more for me. Except our deadline was like, 2 weeks ago. Of course I am not going to turn them down so I will pick them up tomorrow. Sigh.

Nothing going on with dating or other dudes. Apparently I am very popular on OKCupid because I seem to get a million notifications about messages every day but I am so not motivated to even open the app.
 
I am up early and taking DarkKnight to work this morning. I need the car because one of our seniors needs a ride later today to a chemo appointment. I also will be picking up those Santa letters in the afternoon. I have such stress about those! I don’t know if we’re talking 5 more letters or 15, or 50. I have some donors lined up who could possibly snag a few, so I am hoping I don’t have to advertise much. I did get funding for a few of the larger gifts requested earlier - a new recliner, having a porch rebuilt, and a hospital bed mattress - with a few crowdfunding posts.

I haven’t yet managed to tackle clothing and coats. That’s not okay, because it is cold outside! People need this stuff. I did get about 7 coats hung and I washed 2 that were donated yesterday. People donated hangers so I actually can hang them when I have time. That’s actually going to be my morning - after I drop off DarkKnight, I’m coming straight home and hanging the coats I sorted into bins a couple of weeks ago.

I need to hit the bank today to transfer funds and pay my son’s rent.

My oldest daughter has been silent again, so I sent her a text today. I am worried about it being so cold and her being homeless in New York.
 
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So excited to see the His Dark Materials premier last night! This was my absolute favorite book series growing up, and I am really hoping it’s amazing. DarkKnight has read it too, so he was giddy like me! :) PunkRock watched it with us but he hasn’t read the story. Need to fix that! I’m seriously bouncy to see how the show progresses.
 
I have a rather large lump inside of my left arm and it’s been causing me some pain lately. At first I thought it was just a flare from one of my autoimmune disorders, but my forearm is a rather strange place. I went to the doctor yesterday and they think it may be a lipoma, but a tricky one since it is probably sitting on a nerve. Normally they’re benign and don’t cause pain, but this one clearly is hurting me. I have an ultrasound scheduled for next Friday and surgery will be schedule for shortly after that. I’m hoping it will be a quick and easy outpatient procedure, but it depends on the involvement with the nerve. All I know is that I am sick of my arm and hand aching!

I have so many projects going on - I am seriously struggling to keep up. The most immediate is our Thanksgiving Dinner giveaway. I have 28 turkey dinners to send out of here - we had 90 sign up! - and as soon as ingredients arrive, I message someone and tel them to come pick up. The majority are all being delivered on one day - November 24 - so I am going to have zero space available in our extra freezer!

Our furniture giveaway has been going on for over a month now and we are finally getting it to a close. A local hotel remodeled and I had 100 sofa beds, tables, desks, etc to rehome. In the midst of it, another local organization approached me and expressed interest in partnering up. They have loads of furniture in their storage units and they want me to supply names and addresses of where to take it to. No problem! I will start that up after Thanksgiving.

My own Thanksgiving is finally set - we are going to have my oldest son, plus my youngest daughter and her boyfriend over on that Wednesday for the big turkey dinner. Thanksgiving Thursday we are going to follow our annual tradition of pajamas and board games all day, and order in Chinese. We have talked about starting to play Betrayal Legacy then, so I am excited about that.

My oldest daughter will not be attending and I had a very rough last few therapy visits coming to grips with this. This will be the only thanksgiving she’s like, ever missed. She started messaging me suddenly last week and it all felt so fake and so forced and so wrong. She tried to get me to buy her a phone card, and I refused. I feel so torn up about it but it was honestly like I was talking to someone who wasn’t at all connected to me in any way. It makes me feel quite ill inside. I don’t know my daughter at all. My sister called me last night to...I don’t know, be a bitch? She said she doesn’t understand because if that were her daughter she would make her go to rehab and not let her OD. I hung up shortly after that. Ugh ugh ugh. In some way it’s like she wants to cause an even bigger rift between my daughter and I but I don’t think that’s truly possible.

Anyway - I have 70 people signed up for our Senior Santa program, and gifts are coming in steadily now. I opened up a short Teen Christmas endeavor and have about 25 teenagers signed up. That one is a lot less involved, as the donors there will wrap the presents and parents are picking up directly. For Senior Santa, we are wrapping everything and DarkKnight will reprise his role as Santa and deliver some of the gifts.

We are also doing a Christmas decoration giveaway on December 8, just like last year, where people can come and go and grab ornaments, wreaths and we’ll be raffling off some donated trees. My foster kitten room is where all of that is being stored!

DarkKnight and I have decided to go to NY and see everyone the day after Christmas. Not sure of what the schedule will be like but ai almost don’t wanna go. The thought makes me feel tired. I need to check on my mom though.
 
I have a rather large lump inside of my left arm and it’s been causing me some pain lately. At first I thought it was just a flare from one of my autoimmune disorders, but my forearm is a rather strange place. I went to the doctor yesterday and they think it may be a lipoma, but a tricky one since it is probably sitting on a nerve. Normally they’re benign and don’t cause pain, but this one clearly is hurting me. I have an ultrasound scheduled for next Friday and surgery will be schedule for shortly after that. I’m hoping it will be a quick and easy outpatient procedure, but it depends on the involvement with the nerve. All I know is that I am sick of my arm and hand aching!

I have so many projects going on - I am seriously struggling to keep up. The most immediate is our Thanksgiving Dinner giveaway. I have 28 turkey dinners to send out of here - we had 90 sign up! - and as soon as ingredients arrive, I message someone and tel them to come pick up. The majority are all being delivered on one day - November 25 -
 
Gah! Double post. Too late to delete it. Sigh.

My surgery has been scheduled for the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Lovely. Should be in and out. Of course, this is without an accurate ultrasound yet, but if all things go as planned, that’s what I’m scheduled for.
 
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I went to the surgeon yesterday but after seeing my ultrasound and the lump in person, he rescheduled me this coming Monday for surgery. He told me that he wasn’t comfortable operating out of his office on it, and that I would need to be sedated. Lovely! He also said he didn’t think it was cancerous but they were still going to do a biopsy to be sure. I went for fasting bloodwork this morning.

Today is our Thanksgiving and not much has been accomplished. The Blessing Box is closed until Sunday, so I just cleared some extra stuff off of the porch so it doesn’t look a mess. PunkRock is heading out today to get new hooks to hang our oversized Christmas lights up outside. He needs a haircut too - he came home from work early on Monday, sick, and called out on Tuesday. He has mandatory overtime Friday and Saturday. He looks better now, so that’s good.

My oldest daughter has been texting me non stop and keeps trying to call me. Monday she was saying she was coming down with a friend for Thanksgiving but then apparently they ghosted her and she lost her ride. Apparently now she is going to my sister’s house, and my mom will be as well. Oh boy! Lol We will see how that goes. Things were in a tizzy here because she wanted to stay here until after Christmas with her boyfriend, but now she is saying that when DarkKnight and I go up to New York at the end of December, she and her boyfriend want to move to Maryland and start over. She says she has been clean for 3 weeks. She certainly sounds healthier. I am still cautious about the whole situation because with her, a lot can change in a month. We will see. I don’t know this new boyfriend at all so I am not sure how that will work.

I was teary a lot yesterday.

My tree is up (thanks to PunkRock) but I haven’t had time to decorate it yet. That will hopefully be later this afternoon. I am going to deep clean my living room this afternoon, including washing the front curtains. We aren’t having our big turkey meal until after 6 pm tonight, since my youngest and her boyfriend both work. So I got my front porch cleaning done, my bloodwork and a call to my mom all knocked out already this morning! This afternoon I will be cleaning the living room, setting the table and decorating the tree. No worries if I don’t get to the tree, but I would like to do it if I can. If my son comes over that would be something fun to do together. DarkKnight is handling the meal. I went shopping for most of it yesterday.
 
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I am super sick right now. Ugh. I feel like I have had a good year with no illness in it until now, but at the moment I am wrecked. Sore throat, stuffy AND runny nose, watery eyes. I didn’t sleep last night at all and only managed 2 hours this morning. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
 
I’m still sick but the illness is on its way out, thank goodness. I just finished up with a VERY busy day with the Blessing Box. Today was our Christmas giveaway. We raffled off 26 trees (for free) and a fuckton of ornaments, wreaths, stockings and other decorations. There was never a time that I was not putting stuff outside. It was absolutely nonstop crazypants. DarkKnight helped today by handling the tree raffle and telling me when I need to pull new winners - we were drawing every half hour. It was an absolute blast and there were SO MANY happy faces. I was super pumped and excited to be able to share Christmas with my community. To hear from people that they weren’t able to afford new things and then they are at my house taking home new lights and sparkly things for their house - whoo hoo! This is so amazing - I am super happy that I can help so many!

Of course, now my feet are in the worse pain ever and my body is achy and I’m like, WHY did I do this when I am still sick?! Lol

DarkKnight and PunkRock left just now to get Chinese for their dinner - I’m way too tired to go out. They’re going to bring me back a burger from somewhere.

Tomorrow is my first wrapping party for our Senior Santa program. I’m supposed to have gifts here for 73 seniors, but I haven’t had time to mark everything in yet, so I guess we will see how it goes. I think we may have a couple of stragglers but overall we look good at a glance.

Oh! The other thing I did that was cool was yesterday, I dressed up in crazy Christmas tights and an ugly sweater and went with PunkRock to stand outside Target for like 10 minutes. We handed out 10 $25 gift cards and Christmas cookies to random people. I’m doing one fun Random Act of Christmas each week and that was the first week of Christmas. :) What was cool was that so far 3 of the recipients found us on Facebook and said thank you and let us know what they did with it - one mom bought her baby an extra gift and another family used it to buy pet products and donated it all to the Humane Society, which I thought was amazing!
 
Bluebird, you amaze me with how much you and your husbands do for your community. You are truly awesome!!!

I also love how your guys do things together both with and without you. Your family is how I imagined poly could be for me when I first started dating poly. I haven't found it yet but I love reading about your family :)
 
Bluebird, you amaze me with how much you and your husbands do for your community. You are truly awesome!!!

I also love how your guys do things together both with and without you. Your family is how I imagined poly could be for me when I first started dating poly. I haven't found it yet but I love reading about your family :)

I hope you feel well soon!
 
PinkPig said:
Bluebird, you amaze me with how much you and your husbands do for your community. You are truly awesome!!!

I also love how your guys do things together both with and without you. Your family is how I imagined poly could be for me when I first started dating poly. I haven't found it yet but I love reading about your family :)

I hope you feel well soon!
Click to expand...

I agree!

I am wondering about an update on the arm surgery in the midst of all this activity.
 
double post
 
My arm surgery was postponed because I was sick. They didn’t want to knock me out while I was ill. They told me to call after the New Year.

I’m glad people are actually reading what I write. My life is pretty normal, I think, in spite of the poly part! I do feel incredibly loved and supported by both my guys, and so love our family. <3
 
Oh wow! I haven’t posted in a while.

The Blessing Box Christmas programs are all complete - I posted about our decoration giveaway, but we also had 75 seniors sponsored and 33 teenagers. Then this past week people were dropping off a few extra children’s gifts here and there, so I asked if anyone needed presents - and then EVERYONE started dropping off gifts and cash. We sponsored 49 children and teens with “extra.” Lol We also did Random Acts of Christmas - PunkRock and I have our $25 Target cards and cookies outside of Target one week, and then the next week we helped pay for car repairs - we covered brake work, a new battery, tires, and an alternator for different folks. The next week we did an on-the-spot drawing for big Hershey kisses, and then this past Sunday DarkKnight dressed up as Santa, and we visited local laundromats to gift bottles of detergent and $10 rolls of quarters to everyone we saw. It was a pretty incredible season!

Both my son and my youngest daughter were here on Christmas Eve, along with my daughter’s boyfriend. We exchanged gifts and had our regular finger food buffet, and candle lighting afterward. This morning was just DarkKnight, PunkRock and I, and it was really wonderful. I felt very loved! We had matching Harry Potter pajamas this year. My son came over in the afternoon, and together we worked on clearing out our foster kitten room to make a bedroom for my other daughter, who is moving in with us this weekend, with her new boyfriend. She’s been clean for a while now, and we are going to try to give her a new start.

Tomorrow at ass o’clock, DarkKnight and I are driving up to New York to pick them up, and to visit extended family.
 
Merry Christmas, Bluebird! I saw Harry Potter PJs in the shops the other day and thought of you :)

Glad to hear your daughter's been clean awhile now. Hope things go well with her moving in for a bit.
 
My oldest daughter is home and so far things are going well. The Christmas tree is down and her room is all set up. We spent a couple hundred dollars on things like socks and underwear for her and her boyfriend, and stuff like pillows and a laundry basket. Random things that you kinda need to set up a space and a life.

DarkKnight and I drove up to Canandaigua on Thursday and saw all of my extended family, and then drove up to Gouverneur to pick up our new roommates, and then Saturday we drove home. It was an exhausting trip, for sure.

When we arrived home, I could tell right away PunkRock had been drinking. He had these watery eyes. He told me he had been depressed and missed me a lot. I had been paranoid about the possibility before leaving but he assured me he had a long list of chores he wanted to accomplish and would not succumb to old habits again. Not true.

Both he and I cried later that night. He sent an email through the patient-doctor app and asked his doctor for a referral to a therapist. He had been going when he had no insurance earlier this year - and he really liked his counselor. However, once he got insurance through his job, he couldn’t continue with that therapist. He didn’t seek out more assistance because he thought he got a handle on things.

I feel really overwhelmed because now I have a husband who has relapsed and I have potentially two more addicts who could fall back while living here as well. After I post this I am calling my own therapist to get an appointment.
 
Oh my fucking god! I am crying my eyes out right now. My therapist LEFT. What am I supposed to do now?! I feel adrift and hurt and so can’t believe I didn’t even get a letter! You would think after 7-8 years with my family I would at least get a fucking letter. The receptionist is like - he left 3 weeks ago and said he contacted all of his patients. Well he fucking didn’t and I am devastated. She is going to call me back. She was like, oh, I will try and find you a good female therapist to transfer you to within the practice. I told her I dgaf if I have a man or a woman - they just need to have experience with addiction, attachment issues, PTSD and polygamy. She said she would check around and see. I am seriously shaking right now. I need support so bad - what am I supposed to do?
 
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