Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

A2Poly

New member
I love how your posts are just 'normal stuff' with all the drama around, it helps so much to know that it can just be normal too And I seconf the rec for The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks. What a fascinating story.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Thanks. My life is pretty normal!

Tonight I've had a date night with DarkKnight. We curled up on the couch with the new kitty warming my legs, to watch Star Trek Voyager. I'd never seen it, or Enterprise, for that matter. We watched 3 episodes and I rather enjoyed it. The last series I watched with great regularity was The Next Generation. I did see several episodes of Deep Space 9, but nothing consecutive, and most near the beginning of the first season. So, yay! There are 168 episodes of Voyager available on Netflix, so I think this might take a while. :)

PunkRock and I had more wedding talk this afternoon. He told me he wants to get plans nailed down before he announces things to his family. He says he is fine getting married this May, or next, or the next. He doesn't care, because we aren't breaking up. :) His concern is that we have the cash to do things "right" - whatever we decide that means. We have been discussing going to Florida, but he thinks maybe taking half what we budget for the honeymoon and spend it on our matching tattoos instead. I kinda like that idea, so we clearly have more talking to do. I am going to spend December with Pinterest and the Offbeat Bride and then make more concrete decisions in January. PunkRock says he is not the least bit worried about his family's reactions to his telling them that he's marrying me. I have to say he is very positive about that. He says they will be happy if he's happy. Okay then! He's been correct so far - neither of us have heard (or overheard) any scuttlebutt about our being in a poly relationship.

I feel very squee about being with PunkRock for always.

So far, so good with my diet. 3 days of staying under my calorie limit. I wanted to cry today though, because I was craving donuts so bad. :/
 

Candiedlove

New member
His concern is that we have the cash to do things "right" - whatever we decide that means/

I completely relate to that. I don't want to hold a wedding ceremony with my partner (not legal, just ceremonial) until we have the money to do whatever we (read, I) want. Why rush it?
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Yeah, I am content to wait. :) I had a church wedding with my ex-husband and DarkKnight and I eloped. Oh! I will tell about that! :)

We met in July and were living together after 2 weeks. He proposed in January, though we knew by November that we were going to get married. He had arranged to go on stage during the set of a super popular local band, where he sang to me acapella in front of a completely packed venue. The song he sang was "Proof" by Twin A. Anyway, at first we planned an outdoor wedding back in his hometown, in Pennsylvania, as we were living in Houston, Texas at the time. As the costs mounted up in the budget, we both decided we didn't care about all the trappings, and instead we told his best friend we were going to run away. He said as a wedding gift, he would pay for plane tickets anywhere in the US, as long as he could be there.

We didn't have any real discussion - it was going to be Boston once we had decided to elope. That's the city where we met and that we considered "ours," if that makes sense.So we told everyone we were going to get married there in March, and so we did. DarkKnight's parents and one sister showed up, as did several friends. That was actually really sweet. We reserved space at Joe Tecce's, a North End Italian restaurant, but it wasn't a big room - we just called and said we wanted a space out of the way for x number of people. We didn't have to pay for a room rental or anything. We had a mutual friend perform the ceremony. We both wore traditional stuff - DarkKnight already owned a tux and I bought a wedding dress off the rack for a couple hundred dollars.

We didn't have a reception, but we did all eat dinner at the restaurant after the ceremony. Everyone paid for our meal. Our biggest expense was 7 days at the hotel, and then sightseeing all week in Boston.

I am really wanting an outdoor wedding this time. I have always wanted one! It's important to PunkRock that we involve water - whether that be an ocean, a lake or a stream. I just want it to be a beautiful day. :) I think we are going to hire an officiant of some sort, and a photographer/videographer. So those will both cost. I picture PunkRock wearing suit pants with a matching gray vest, and a long sleeve dress shirt in a bright jewel tone - maybe teal blue or purple. I want a bouquet of flowers, but that doesn't have to be expensive - wildflowers would work - and a long summery sort of dress, not necessarily a white gown. I wouldn't rule that out though.

We've talked about a Florida beach wedding, but I think I'd rather be in a meadow or forest. Warm setting, for sure.

I started a Pinterest board. :)

We don't really have a budget so I can't plan with any sort of dedication yet. I'll figure out wants and must haves between now and January and then hopefully he and I can agree on exactly what we'd like this to look like by then. At that time we will set a budget and if it is do-able by this May, then that will be the date. If it costs more, then we'll wait a year and pay as we go as we wait.

Holy crap, this is so exciting! I love this man so much!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
DarkKnight worked an overnight shift and PunkRock had to be at work by 6 am, so that left me to drive my son to his job this morning. I dropped him off and then did grocery shopping for Thanksgiving. When I got back home, I cleaned out the fridge, had my daughter start the dishwasher, and then the two of us went to see Mockingjay at the VIP theater.

Honestly, of the 3, this is my least favorite book but it was my favorite movie. Sweetness!

Upon returning home, I grabbed subs for lunch and then moved around the bookcases in my living room to make room for my Christmas tree. When my son got home from work, he and my daughter brought down all of the holiday storage totes, and now they are stacked in along behind my couch. I am so excited about this holiday - I love Christmas!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Ugh. Today sucks. I had to wake up early to take my son to work, and apparently I gained 3 pounds overnight. I feel fat and unattractive. PunkRock didn't snuggle me at all last night because he was rolled over and snoring, and that was after we had sex in the dark. My depressed self said that's because he couldn't stand to look at my doughy, icky gross body.

Anyway, I was sad this morning, so I went to Panera Bread alone after dropping off my son and ate a soufflé. Of course that won't help my weight loss goal, but meh. Then I bought light bulbs at Home Depot, before heading over to Hobby Lobby on the other side of town. That is closed on Sundays, so now I am seated at the mall, on a bench, just waitin for stores to open up at 11 am. I decided to use the time to feel sorry for myself.
 

nycindie

Active member
. . . now I am seated at the mall, on a bench, just waitin for stores to open up at 11 am. I decided to use the time to feel sorry for myself.

Oh well, everyone can use a pity party for themselves now and then. And shopping malls are great for that. Just don't let it go on for too long.

I have an idea: go back a few posts in your blog and re-read the ones where you were happily counting your blessings and crowing about how much love you have in your life! That love that both your men have for you is still there, even with 3 extra pounds!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Well, the day got worse before ending on a positive note. The first store I went to had pricing errors and I didn't buy what I set out searching for at first. There were a lot of aggravations! Then, I started feeling even more depressed and I sat in my van, in the parking lot and cried for seemingly no reason at all. I went back home, where I cried more, but then PunkRock was holding me and talking me through my sadness. Apparently, I was stuck on processing grief from last year, and it was making minor issues seem that much worse.

When I put up my Christmas tree last year, M was at my house. I was really upbeat and happy to share all of my memories with him - every ornament on my tree has a story. He sat on the couch while I decorated. Later, he told me he felt like an interloper and that was probably an activity I shouldn't share with anyone but family. I remember that being a very keen stab to my heart. He had said he wanted polyfidelity, which MEANS family. I remember being hurt and confused by his words - if we were polyfi, then we were building toward an interconnected future, right? My family was his...Christmas is just so important to me and of course it would be shared. That really upset me.

Ugh.

My tree is in the corner of my living room, naked. PunkRock promises he will be there when I want to put on the ornaments, and that he will be glad to hear every story. (Which is amazing, because I talk a lot!) More than that, we have bought ornaments this year that will hang on the tree for the first time - our memories will be there, together.

I had no idea I had this grief and anxiety built up inside of me, but wow was it pouring out today!

After my sob fest, PunkRock and I ate lunch and then we watched the movie Elf, which made me feel much better too.

DarkKnight then awoke and took me back out shopping, where he guided me in finding the perfect Christmas gifts for my parents, which also helped relieve some anxiety I had been carting around. He also treated me to dinner at Olive Garden, after texting PunkRock to let him know.

We came home with all the presents I had purchased, and PunkRock assisted me with wrapping, and then I ended the evening watching another episode of StarTrek Voyager with DarkKnight.

What I love best about today is that it felt really balanced - both my guys gave me the attention and support I needed when I was feeling like absolute shit. PunkRock reassured me he is truly IN this relationship, a part of my family and his love is not just talk. DarkKnight was my calm and steady center, drawing me out and back on track with what I needed and wanted to accomplish today.

Seriously, my guys are wonderful.

DarkKnight convinced me that it was okay to drop my diet until after Thanksgiving, at least. I have this junk emotionally clogging up my heart and having to be all stressed about my weight makes it worse.

I am just glad I was able to get to the real issue. I never did cry or deal constructively with my breakup feelings last year.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Today is ok, so far. The amount of crap I need to get done is a bit overwhelming, but I am applying myself and hopefully I'll see some progress before the afternoon arrives.

Tomorrow is my last Astronomy class and I am so sad about it! I am starting to get excited about teaching Cosmology in the Spring, but that is probably because I haven't started writing the curriculum yet. The thought of that is a bit daunting, especially with the holidays. I need to begin that next week, but for now, today, I am finishing up writing the answers for the kids' homework, and planning my class for tomorrow afternoon. I haven't graded their quizzes yet, but at a glance they were abysmal. I am not surprised, since last week was a lot of math and physics formulas, and these kiddos are not math majors. I think I am going to have a lot of retakes, which means I also need to write a retake quiz. Quiz stuff is scheduled for tomorrow morning though, so I'm not focusing on that, for the moment.

Anyway, I've been working on Astronomy stuff all morning. In the afternoon, I am going to touch up my hair color, so I am bright and beautiful for Thanksgiving festivities. :) I also am going to paint my toenails, which should help dissipate the remaining anxiety I might have hiding in my soul from yesterday. Then, a shower. :)

I have a lot of phone calls to make regarding medical and dental bills today, but that's later afternoon. Really, I need to pull out my budget and spend a good hour crunching numbers. I don't wanna, but I need to see where we are sitting. I haven't looked at my bank balance in a couple of weeks. I mean, there's money in there, and I'm spending it - I'm in no danger of overdrafts or anything - but I need to get a handle on the rest of the year and my upcoming trip to NY.

Oh! I have stuffs to do today regarding my Christmas charity. We have made our goal and we are working on raising a little bit more to maybe take on a 3rd sponsored family. Today though, I need to send over the Black Friday shopping list to the person handling that. Actually, I think I will do that NOW, as it is something that will fall through the cracks and be forgotten if I don't handle it.

Ok, done. :)

PunkRock is at work, but he gets out today at 2 pm, and plans to go over to the place that does fingerprinting, to see about moving along this process of getting qualified to own a handgun. At this point, it may turn into a birthday present for my daughter at the end of January, rather than the Christmas gift we had planned on. We've just been too busy. No worries though.

I am going to decorate the tree tonight. I told PunkRock and he said okay. :)

Slipping through the sands of time - PunkRock has phone calls to credit card companies to make, but it's a stinky situation so he's avoiding it, but we have to get it done this week. That's another thing I need to budget for.

Gah!

Today is much better for me emotionally though. I am positive and moving forward with my checklist. :)
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Got the tree up tonight, while watching Doomsday Preppers. You can play "I Spy" with the pic, if you'd like. Can you find: an octopus, the Tardis and R2D2?

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My tree is sort of patriotic - I changed the color scheme a short bit when my oldest daughter joined the military. She finished her 6 years though, so I guess I could change things up a bit now. Oh well.

You can see my homemade advent calendar along the mantle. Each little box holds some small candies, and every once in a while there's a "big prize" paper in one - if you find those, you can choose a large candy bar from a stash I buy for that purpose each year. Also, check out PunkRock Awesomesauce's Dali prints, all covered with wrapping paper. :)

Also, here is Gus and Stuart, all snuggly on the loveseat.

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kdt26417

Official Greeter
I spotted the octopus first, the Tardis second, and R2D2 third. Which surprised me, I thought R2D2 would be easy.

Love the pic of Gus and Stuart.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Hmmm, an X-wing? I think I'm stumped on that. Hints on where to look?
 

SNeacail

New member
HA! About 30 degrees above R2D2 and toward the fireplace. I think I may have spotted a Tie fighter also, but I could be mistaken. I'm so going to have to hit up ebay for R2.

BEAUTIFUL TREE!!!
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Drat, it's still not clicking. Apparently the Force is strong with that X-wing. :) Maybe if R2 could increase the power? :eek:

I agree, it's a lovely tree.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Ha! I don't have an X-wing or a tie fighter! :)

I'll take some close-up pics later, so it's easier to see all my ornaments. The R2,I purchased while on my honeymoon with DarkKnight. We spent a day at the science museum in Boston, when they had the a Star Wars movie exhibit there. So, R2D2 was our memento.

The Tardis is DarkKnight's ornament for this year - I buy each family member one as a small gift for the holiday. He loves Dr. Who! You can see my youngest daughter's annual ornament from 2009 directly below the Tardis - a red locker that plays a song from High School Musical when you open it up. And, immediately to the left of that locker, is a round bulb, a memento this year from our trip to Luray Caverns.

As far as the octopus, well, I saw it and it reminded me of PunkRockAwesomesauce. Heh

Edited to add - the wrapped prints aren't a present, they normally sit on the fireplace mantle. I think wrapping art during Christmas makes everything look more festive. :) That said, almost all of my shopping is done, and the gifts are wrapped. My extended family Christmas is on Dec 12, so I have less time to be prepared.
 
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Bluebird

Well-known member
Ha! And diagonally up to the right from the Tardis, is a pile of glitter-covered poop. It's not real poop, but it was acquired in Boston at a comedy convention that DarkKnight and I both attended. A mutual friend received it in a gift bag and didn't want it. I don't know how someone could poo poo a beautiful piece of art like that! :) So now it is on our tree, and it always makes people laugh. It's sparkly and hilarious.

This morning I awoke full of love and happiness for PunkRock, and started looking at ceremony ideas for our commitment event. We had talked about the beach a lot, so I was exploring rentals. Then I had the idea of maybe renting a semi-secluded cabin in the woods, on a lake. I think that would be AWESOME. I have the picture in my mind of us renting the place for 3 or 4 days, having a quiet private ceremony between he and I in the early evening, with an officiant present. Maybe someone who could handfast us. Then, as it grew darker out, to speak to the stars about how the elements that were released long ago have found a home in us, and the resonance we feel shows us we are from the same star. (PunkRock tells me this often.) I love the idea of standing by the dark water, with a fire burning nearby, and the sparks going up to the stars spinning overhead. Hiring a photographer to get that shot for me will be money well-spent.

I must also have a hot tub. lol

Prices for cabin rentals aren't so high. I went to snuggle PunkRock in his room, and shared my enthusiasm for this new idea and he said it sounds great. He would like to get time lapse photos of the sky.

Squuuueeeeeee!

I am going to get started researching locations so I can nail down an estimated cost of food and rent prices. Once we have that, I can search for an officiant and a photographer. We don't have a budget yet, but it shouldn't be too bad, I don't think. Clothing will be around $300-$400, rings will be around $200 - just a simple band to match my existing set, and PunkRock's ring shouldn't be terrible. I'm guessing around $800-$1000 for the location. $100 for the officiant? I don't know about that one! $100 for flowers, ribbons, incidentals. The photographer will be around $1200? I don't know about that one either. Maybe 3 hours worth of pics? I need to make a list of shots that I want staged - actually, it may be less or more time, depending on how long it takes to get dark...So, I think $3000 total should do it.

That last was all stream of consciousness. I'll actually have a spreadsheet later. :) Anyway, lots of excitement this morning in my mind and heart.
 
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