Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

[Bluebird]

All I’ve had to eat today is my statin pill, 2 fiber gummies (8 carbs) and a Fairlife chocolate protein shake (8 carbs). My blood glucose level is complete bullshit. It’s just because my liver is like, oh, I see you’re active. Let me give you some sugar baby! Ugh.

What’s the activity? Trying on clothes and packing for my trips. (An overnight DC getaway with my two daughters to see &Juliet, followed by a weekend escape with MisterMoonbeam to NY to see my sister and her kids.) Who knew that picking out shirts and skirts meant this much stress on my system? Fuckin A.

I’m still currently unmedicated for my diabetes. Hopefully that changes next Friday. I have back-to-back appointments with the oncologist and my endocrinologist then, to look at the big picture. Right now, I’m stuck looking at this small screen and being irritated at my body.



New Year’s was mostly uneventful and calm for us here at Blackbird Manor. I wore pajamas for two days straight, so that was nice. DarkKnight, MisterMoonbeam and I played My Father’s Work on the Eve and on the 1st. The initial try at it ended after six and a half hours! The second time was more like 4. MisterMoonbeam won both games! He’s always been good at resource management games. TheEngineer gifted this to me for Christmas, and it’s a kickstarter copy, which is amazing. I was really surprised he was able to find it, to be honest!



I was highly motivated for no reason at all to clean on New Year’s. I did laundry, filled bird feeders, emptied and scrubbed the fridge and then cleaned out the garbage disposal, making the sink shine. Fucking bananas. I am not a homemaker!

I feel like I haven’t updated here in a long while. I did get my new mirror installed in the glam room - thanks to TheEngineer! He happened to be here when Amazon delivered it to my doorstep, and he didn’t mind helping. The mirror was still dusty when I took this photo, and actually, I do t think I ever did clean it. Oops.



Here’s a couple of pics of me from late last year - lol, this past weekend.

 

[Bluebird]

I’m currently writing this on the Metro on the way to Shady Grove.

I had a really great time with my daughters at the Kennedy Center last night! We ended up missing the first 11 minutes of the show - I thought it started at 8 pm, and it was actually 7:30 pm. We fucked around in two gift shops, bought some swag at a kiosk, got pictures taken…not knowing the show had started. Gah!

Thankfully, we only missed Romeo dying.

I have no idea how I managed to fuck that up. Like, literally everything - email, phone, tickets, said 7:30 pm. It was in my head that it was 8 though.

The music of &Juliet was poppy and fresh. BugGirl said that she felt like she had just been to a boy band concert!

LittleMichigan, me, BugGirl



I bought the pink YAS hat at the kiosk, and my daughters both split a pack of pins. None of us really wanted a shirt.

Our seats were perfect! Orchestra center, row O! This was at the end when we were leaving.



When I get home I will have to pack the car with presents, and luggage for the weekend, before heading out with MisterMoonbeam to New York. I messaged with my nephew last night and he was decluttering. I told him I had a stack of boxes and bins to go to donation myself and he asked me to bring them so he could see what I have. So if we have the space, those are getting pushed into the car too!

 

[Bluebird]

My trip to NY was not as planned. Of course we left when the worst snowstorm was headed toward us!

Friday night we didn’t make it to NY. We stopped in Mansfield, PA and stayed at a hotel. When it got dark, snow was dumping out of the sky and whipping around - I couldn’t see the road at all, as snow was sticking. We reached Mansfield and decided to stop for the evening, in spite of the expense. It was crazy because as bad as the conditions were leading to the city, everything was pretty clear when we pulled into the hotel. Apparently it stayed good after that as well.

We left after our free breakfast (there wasn’t much I could eat tho) and made it to Rochester just in time for us to pick up my old foster kiddo (he’s in his 30s now!) for lunch. Back when he was an angry teenager, we were his respite home and almost adoptive family - his grandfather didn’t want him being adopted, so we respected that. Unfortunately, he only has two family members left alive now so I feel it’s important to keep a connection with him, and he seems to really want that.

It was freezing out but warm in the bistro he chose for us to eat at. He brought a board game that he ended up winning - Ticket to Ride Rails & Sails. I hadn’t seen him in a few years, but board games are what we originally bonded over (that and pogo dot com) so it is always great to have that as an activity to do together. It was great to be able to meet up, for sure.

After dropping him off at his apartment, we then drove to see my sister and her family to exchange gifts. We ended up only staying for 2 hours, as we then went to visit my niece Natalie, who hadn’t been able to get off of work. Then, we headed back home! More snow was forecast and the back roads were awful. I was really white-knuckling it for all of the state, and that’s the truth!

I ended up driving most of this trip, as snow makes MisterMoonbeam nervous!

My sister got me this teapot purse from my Amazon wish list - originally I wanted it for a steampunk look but I’m loving it so far just for everyday wear. It’s just too cute! I also got this Taylor Swift tshirt from my nephew, who was the one who won tickets to the end of the Eras tour recently! I was worried about the shirt not fitting because it’s a women’s medium, but it looks okay!



Now that we have been home a couple of days, we started rewatching Squid Game season 1. DarkKnight & I watched it together originally, and MisterMoonbeam has only seen a few clips, so it’s been interesting!

I’ve also been doing some house projects - I got DarkKnight to hang up the new light fixture in the entryway, though apparently the knob on our front side door has come off. So hopefully that will get repaired this weekend! I also need to replace the rugs and floor tape on all of the round rugs in this space- after washing them recently, they’ve become tripping hazards as they’re not being held down firmly anymore.



I also finally got my craft room table moved away from the wall in the basement and finished scrubbing the two sections still needing paint. TheEngineer is coming over this morning, and he’s taking me to get the primer I need from Home Depot. I’m hoping to get the trim and the first base coat of primer up today!

These doors lead to the gym:



This wall is going to be used to hold all of my fake flower supplies:




The trim and the doors are going to be white, and I’m going to continue the sage green color around the larger surfaces, as seen on the right. Then I need to buy some 2x4s or peg board to nail up as a structural support to my storage solution - I’m using trash cans as holders! Then this space will be complete, finally!

Here’s some photos I snagged from Pinterest so you can understand what I wanna do:




I feel once I get this done, I can finally start creating - FOR REAL - for my business. I also need to then focus on the adjoining space which is our storage room, which is an absolute disaster. I need to empty it out and then move the shelving down that is currently in the garage. It’s going to hold all of my inventory, as I make it!

My goal is to have all this done by the end of January.

I did manage to do a little bit of creating yesterday in spite of the mess - I put together this kilt pin with some beads & charms to make a brooch for MisterMoonbeam’s outfit later this month. It’s for A Midwinter Night’s Dream masquerade, and we’ve decided to match each other with a blue & black color scheme, and silver celestial accents. I actually am not happy with this - I ordered another set of pins that have permanent rings on the bottom, so when those arrive I will be swapping the pieces around. The design will be the same though.



I am also trying to get my shit together so I can apply for the substitute teaching jobs in my county. They require a transcript with the application, so today I sent a request to the college I graduated from with two degrees, back in 1998! I’m not sure if they want a copy of my high school diploma or that transcript as well. Jesus I graduated from high school 30 years ago! Lol Here I am, photos taken 30 years apart!

 

[Bluebird]

I got up and drove over to the lab this morning for bloodwork. I thought it was for my two appointments on Friday - the check up on my internal stitches and my endocrinologist. Nope. This test was for next week’s visit with my thyroid surgeon. It was actually kind of a hassle because once again, their office did not submit to my lab and I had to call and ask them to fax over the request.

Well, the result came back and it wasn’t okay. I see an increase in my medication, in the very near future…my TSH is a 7.4. Ugh. This may mean I stay off of Mounjaro longer - which I don’t want to have happen! My diabetes has been unmedicated for a month now. I’ve gained 3 pounds, which I expected (holiday eating + no thyroid + hysterectomy + no diabetes meds) and my blood glucose level isn’t dropping down so easily after any sort of meal now.

I’m frustrated. I was really hoping that the current level of Levothyroxine (125) was going to work out for me. I guess not though. I just really wish all of this medical nonsense was done and I could have normal functioning in everything.

I’m sad now. I am currently waiting for my therapy appointment this afternoon, and I’m glad it was already scheduled. I was hoping I could end therapy this year, since I originally started it to help navigate my relationships and emotions because I legit thought I was gonna die. Now I guess I need to continue for a bit more. I wanted to focus on talking about my mom and maybe opening up that connection again. I felt really torn over the holidays.



After my blood draw today, I was in my craft room for a little over an hour, working on a headpiece for the Midwinter Night’s Dream masquerade this month. I am feeling okay with what I accomplished, but this is definitely made for me to wear, and not to sell.

I did go to Home Depot after, and got the gallon of primer I needed for the craft room wall, and some other odds and ends. I think I might wait to start painting til Friday, but we will see. I will be home all day tomorrow.

After I finish therapy here, I am going to meet up with a friend to look at some coats she is selling. I really need a nice long wool trench but so far I haven’t found one I liked. She texted me this morning that she has a bunch of - she’s been clearing someone’s estate all last year.

BugGirl’s birthday was yesterday, and today we are going to get a pedicure together and then meet up with DarkKnight & MisterMoonbeam for dinner.

 

[Bluebird]

So much to update!

Yesterday morning I had two back-to-back health care appointments.

My first visit was at the Reproductive Oncology office - I don’t have to go here anymore (duh, I don’t have cancer). This was the final follow up to my hysterectomy, and the surgeon I spoke to was really great. My surgeon retired right after my operation in May, so I saw him 2 weeks after the procedure and then never again. I’ve been frustrated, and I’ve been having issues all along with the internal stitches not dissolving.

Well, all of the stitches are now gone! I started crying in relief when he told me I was all clear. He sent in a 3-month prescription for my Estradiol and said there was no reason in his mind why I shouldn’t be on this medication until age 60, to stop menopause symptoms. My regular gynocologist should take over monitoring and prescribing this going forward.

My second appointment was with my endocrinologist.

1. My thyroid meds are being increased from 125 mcg to 137 mcg. I am definitely not getting enough benefit from the “standard” dose. She iterated that it may take a while to get the dose right, but we will get there! I’m to be on this level for two months, at which point I will get another blood test and reassess. I scheduled a follow-up appointment in March, and I’ve already picked up the new dose of medicine.

2. I am to restart Mounjaro at the beginning dose of 2.5. Without any meds, my blood glucose has been averaging out at the 165 level which is not good, but it’s not horrific. My A1C is not alarming but it’s not going to improve without medication. Mounjaro works for me, so hopefully this round of injections will get me back on track with managing my diabetes. I’m to do new bloodwork in two months, and then reassess. October was my last official A1C and I was at 5.4. My Dexcom sensor is estimating that I’m probably around 7 now. The drug store says my prescription should be ready on Monday.

3. They think I’ve only gained a pound since I was last seen. Yay!!

4. My statin got represcribed because my cholesterol and such are fucking phenomenal. It’s doing what it should. Solid green numbers, baby!

5. I’m to get a mammogram again in the Spring, but she agreed that my gynocologist will be the one monitoring and prescribing my Estrodiol. The endocrinologist says she’s always deferred to them on post-menopausal stuff.

6. My blood pressure was 117/79.

Overall this was all good news that I can manage. I cried in absolute relief and went home for hugs from MisterMoonbeam. I was emotional for the rest of the day but handled it myself, for the most part.

Last night - and this morning - MisterMoonbeam dicked me down GOOD. I was a little fearful the first time, as I was worried that things would hurt. I had a couple of twinges of panic, but I was able to get into it because it didn’t hurt. I had a couple of orgasms so I know I am not broken anymore! It was really strange though, in that this was one time that I felt my voice changes from the thyroidectomy were VERY noticeable. My sounds don’t sound like me!

Anyway, it was nice to get pounded from behind again. I will say he was not going full power but it did feel good! This morning I was woken up with something poking me, so I happily scooched up and pushed backwards and was instantly rewarded! Another couple of orgasms and OMG was I wet AF.

I’m hoping for round three later this morning! I have missed this man so fucking much!

 

[Bluebird]

As far as updates on the financial/work front:

I still plan on trying to substitute teach two days a week. I ordered and received an email copy of my college transcript, and then realized they also required a copy of my high school diploma to apply. Of course, this was not where I thought it was! It only took me like 10 minutes to locate it though - it was in the basement storage room, along with my two associate degree diplomas! I now need my work history - which I *think* my resume is saved on my laptop somewhere! I haven’t used it in…15 years? It will definitely need to be updated when I do find it! My goal is to have all of this handled and submitted by the end of next week.

Next Saturday is the first garb-worthy event this year - A Midwinter Night’s Dream Masquerade. I started making a zip-tie headpiece and I continue to have issues with these sorts. I don’t like the finished look at all! I’m planning on working on it a bit more today, perhaps starting over! I also need to make my boot charms, so maybe I will work on those first. I did spend time yesterday recrafting a pin for MisterMoonbeam, and I made a second, just because.




I like the new pins a lot, though they are smaller than the kilt pins I was using previously.

I actually got on a roll and decided to make a pin for the Green Man dance in February, and ended up with four!



I REALLY liked those, and posted everything on Facebook. I sold the top left and bottom right almost instantly, and learned that my prices were too low. I was in the middle of trading a cropped corset with a friend in Virginia, and she mentioned wanting a bee-themed pin, which was already something I planned to do. So I then made these:



She wanted to one on the left, so that hit the mail yesterday evening as well.



I did not have packing materials, as I had not planned on selling anything yet! I made a trip to Hibby Lobby and Staples, and made too much for bubble mailers and tissue paper. I wrote two little thank you cards and gave them each a 20% off coupon for their next orders!

I am so unprepared for starting this business! I need to buy shipping supplies, but I also need to pick my colors and hire someone to make me a logo. I need my socials set up, and I need to put together the actual Photo Booth we own, and buy a ring light. I need a website and ahhhhhh.



I also realized yesterday that MisterMoonbeam has zero Green Man Garb. I need to do some purchasing immediately for that.

I think today I wanna put on a winter look and take some pics outside in the snow, since it exists. Priority though is taking inventory for MisterMoonbeam and Mythicon.

Also, I need to strip the tree of ornaments. It’s still up. I got DarkKnight and MisterMoonbeam to promise to give me a half hour each today of their time, to spot me while I am up on our 12-foot ladder. I want Christmas gone!

 

[Bluebird]

Christmas has been corralled and sent to the garage in bins until next year! I’m really glad to have my sunroom back. So is Albus!



I haven’t progressed as much as I wanted with getting ready for Mythicon. I did do inventory for what we plan to wear on the Saturday - green & black, repping Blackbird Manor. I need to make the headpiece and boot charms. Prolly an accent piece for MisterMoonbeam - I did buy a big crow skull to make a necklace for him.



I ordered a handmade backpack that matches my corset & his vest.


I did make part of the boot charms I wanted for the event this coming weekend. Harry helped!



I paused on the headpiece, and I’m now waiting for an Amazon order containing more filigree pieces. I’m hoping so can devote time on Wednesday for this.

 

[Bluebird]

I ran some errands yesterday morning - I saw a friend & dropped off some board games to her that I was going to donate, and then I went to the post office to mail two different packages. Those were trades of garb. I had lunch at home and then spent some time completing the boot charms for my outfit this weekend. These are going to coordinate great with the other jewelry I made for this event!



I have more filigree pieces arriving today, so I plan to create the headpiece tomorrow.

Here are the outfit pieces - my corset is a wench style, but it’s folded up in the pic:




I am so not skilled with metal stuff! I’m learning as I go along - YouTube has been very helpful. I need to find a local class to teach me the basics. To make these boot charms I taught myself how to use crimp beads and attach a lobster clasp to a ring with those.

Yesterday I also learned how to make a slide adjustment on a cord. It was hard, but the pendant fits MisterMoonbeam and it works! This is for the black & green crow outfits for Mythicon. I made it very plain for now. Initially I had beads on either side, but neither of us liked it much. His vest is patterned and his shirt is black, so the skull does stand out on its own. If I have time, I may add some embellishments, but for now I think it’s okay.



In the evening DarkKnight had practice - Heathers is starting soon! - and MisterMoonbeam decided to join a pagan choral group in the next town over. Since TheEngineer lives there, I went along and got dropped off to have a date! TheEngineer and I had dinner at Red Robin, and then we spent about 40 minutes at Barnes & Noble, looking at books and not finding a single one about starting a business! He surprised me by buying an expansion to Happy Little Dinosaurs - but when I got back home, it was one I had already bought, though it was still in the shrink! I felt bad, but he does still have the receipt so at least we will be able to exchange it next week.

He’s planning on coming over on Thursday to be at my house during the day. I’m a little nervous because we haven’t had sex in over a year but now we can! We talked about it a little bit, and he is down to clown. lol I feel a little off about it since we’ve been platonic this entire time, but I am sure it will be fine.

It’s almost 11 am now and I need to feed the cats. I think after that, I’m going to put together some of our outfits for Mythicon to see what else I need to do. First I am going to empty a box in the storage area - I need to make that a location for my inventory, and that isn’t going to happen if I don’t peck away at it.

Here’s a photo of me yesterday. I start Mounjaro again tonight. My blood glucose is just sitting at either 165 all the time or over 200 after eating. It’s not good.

 

[Bluebird]

I copied this from my Facebook.

(Pic of MisterMoonbeam & Poppy this morning)


Calliope (Poppy)

May 8, 2018 - January 17, 2025

I’m crying as I write this. I’m sorry I can’t be as eloquent as she deserves.

I named her after a board game company because she was clever, and quick. Our callie-cat, callie-girl; pronounced Cuh-Lye-O-Pee. In history, Calliope is a muse; an inspiration. The Greek nickname has always been Poppy though, so that’s what we called her. Our popasaurus, popcorn, poppyseed, pop star.

I’m having trouble believing she won’t come click-click-clacking down the hall in a minute on her big fat feet. I keep pausing to listen; it’s impossible that it forever will be only echoes in my mind. Her paws were too big for her body with all those extra toes, but they were perfect for kneading blankets and slapping the other cats around.



Poppy was not mindful or demure. She was smart and sassy. She was completely blind but ruled the other cats as their not-so-quiet queen. If they dared intrude on any space she was currently claiming, she’d yowl and grrrrrr and they would immediately retreat in fear and confusion.

Sometimes she would chase them.

Not always to start a fight - though Poppy would never back down from one. She would play with the other cats, and would race them back and forth down our long hallways, not pausing to ask for directions, ever. She had the entire house mapped in her head, in spite of never having seen it.

Oh, and she was a hunter! She delighted in having tortured multiple moths and other bugs. She caught a mouse! Many a water fountain was splashed empty by her shenanigans. Anything that moved - including my corset ties - was at risk. She *intensely* hated her housemate Lenny, and as sworn enemies, she would run him high up in a cat tree and then wait for hours for him to finally come down, just so she could smack him and make him admit that she was the boss.

DarkKnight frequently would buy her little stuffed cat toys, and she’d without fail move the unicorns into the litter box. She’d straight-up bury them completely. There were plenty of other toys to play with, but the stuffed unicorns would all eventually end up smothered and covered. She was a princess, but apparently she didn’t want the trappings of magic lying around on the floor.

She had lots of spirit, but she was also our baby girl. She used to snuggle up to MisterMoonbeam and create a comma of sweat along his back as they both slept. She’d lay on his chest and purr promises of contentment and calm, but then doze off and drool into his mouth. Even as he would rise up shouting, we all knew he’d let her climb up there if she promised to not do it again. And of course she would do it again.

At the end, her abdomen was full of cancer. Her spleen was enlarged and full of growths. The walls of her intestines were thickened, and there was a large mass present outside of it. The lymph nodes were fully involved. Both kidneys were working somehow, but had decreased blood flow. Their architecture was strange and forever altered.

It was too much, and she was too small. She had stopped eating, and in the last few days she would hide under MisterMoonbeam’s bed, sleeping in a nest of his cast-off socks. We could coax her out with promises of treats, but it became obvious that something was really really wrong.

She suffered so much at the beginning of her short life, abandoned out of a car by a cruel someone who I will never describe as a human. She was found and brought to the local shelter, and we were told the water ran red when they washed her to remove the fleas and mites that covered her as a kitten. She had multiple infections in between the surgeries that permanently took her eyes from her, but Poppy always found time to scamper and play. She came back stronger, even as each of her nine lives was counted down.

Our Poppy was brave even at the end, her small heart beating on, refusing to falter long after she received the drugs that should have stopped her pain.

She was loving, sweet, and our best girl. We told her that all the time, though we didn’t need to say a word. She knew already. Though Poppy would never see it, her spirit shone fiercely.

And so the light of the world has become less than it was.

Goodbye, good girl. I will never, ever forget you.



DarkKnight & Poppy


Me & my Poppy


MisterMoonbeam & his Poppy girl - he fully was her person, she loved him so much!

 

[powerpuffgrl1969]

My heart is broken for you. She sure was loved,

 

[Bluebird]

Out tonight with MisterMoonbeam tonight at the MidWinter Night’s Dream Masquerade Ball. We had an eventful day with DarkKnight discussing finances and plans which I will post about another time. It’s been an emotional day too, on and off. I miss my Poppy girl.

But on with the event! I’m taking a break near a propped open door to get a breeze after dancing my ass off.







I didn’t end up adding lights to my crown but I’m happy with how everything turned out. So much fun!

 

[Bluebird]

I am not young and definitely not able to stay out partying until past midnight anymore. I spent the entire day resting, taking headache medicine and drinking water, trying to reclaim my equilibrium. I feel much better now, but I am still fairly tired and feel like I will sleep well tonight!

DarkKnight moved our orange kitty Lenny into my master suite today. He’s been sequestered in DarkKnight’s bedroom for months, as he and Poppy were enemies and whenever we would try to transition him to communal living, there would be a scuffle and Lenny would start peeing in corners. I was worried about the initial move, but he did well today and so far there’s been no spraying. I’m hoping that continues!



The plan is to introduce the other cats into this space with him over the next couple of months and see if they can coexist. The other 3 cats - ColePorter, Harry and Albus - do okay free-roaming. Albus gets along with Lenny without too much contention, but I’m afraid the others may start posturing for dominance.

We will find out soon! In the past they’ve all been fine together, but in the almost two years at Blackbird Manor, someone has always been out of sorts.

We had a lot of snow today and I hired a neighbor girl to shovel the driveway and clean off the cars. Thankfully DarkKnight had a $20 bill in his wallet! Due to the weather, we had soup for dinner at home. I was okay with this as my appetite has been waning since restarting the Mounjaro last week. My sugars have been hovering around 130, with swings down to 115 and up to 200. Mostly it has been stable and I’ve been so very happy to have that happening again. I am back up to a 91% in-range score (my goal is 70% of the time to be in compliance, per the endocrinologist & dietician.) I had dropped to 74% while not on medication.

 

[Bluebird]

We had a small State of the Union meeting this weekend because we needed to have a conversation about taxes and debt and me getting a job and the business plan I have. It was a productive session.

My word of the year is FOCUS and part of that means on our finances! I think I am going to try and talk to both guys on a bi-weekly basis about long term planning and money. We already have individual pow-wows every payday to look at their bills and budget when the money hits the bank account, so we are generally clued in to stuff. However, all of those discussions are short-term - I tell them to pay this, this and this, and they will tell me the total balance on things at that moment. I want to tie those talks into longer-range planning.

So what can I share? Where to begin? We have a ton of credit cards and debt that I’ve been moving around to take advantage of 0% interest offers. We’ve been able to clear some of them completely but others the balances are not good. I am sitting down right now to kinda sus out what the plan will be for this year. Total, our credit card debt is more than some people owe on a mortgage! We’ve haven’t had trouble making more than the minimum payments, but those payments are obscene, honestly.

Right now our plan is to use our tax refunds to knock down some things, and to use a loan from MisterMoonbeam’s 401(k) to lower monthly payments on others. Right now MisterMoonbeam has two loans on his 401(k). He can’t have more than that, so we paid off one this weekend ($3,594) which would allow him to take a new loan in ten days. Paying off this first loan will put about $175 back into the budget each month.

Depending on how much of a new loan we take out, at least two credit cards will be cleared completely, freeing up $100 and $500 monthly payments. One of these is a zero percent card that I haven’t been able to make headway on, so it will also free up a TON of fucking stress I have. Two other credit cards, I’d like to throw a larger payment toward since they are approaching their limits. This should save us total around $900 a month. Of course, the new loan will have costs associated with it, so that would bring the savings down to just $500 a month, but that is worth it and not nothing to shake a stick at!

I also wanna set aside a chunk in a savings account or a short term CD, as I still have no word on that social security issue my son has going on that I’m entangled in. Having money easily available in case we have to pay on that unexpectedly would ease my mind. The last I heard from them was that they had received my appeal and were looking into it. That was back in May! I haven’t reached out as I didn’t want to poke the bear, but once we have this cash available, I will follow up and ask what is taking so long to make a decision?!

All of this stuff with the 401(k) loan just makes sense.

Taxes for MisterMoonbeam are great this year. Marrying me and mortgage interest helped him A LOT. He’s getting enough from the state of Maryland to clear off one of DarkKnight’s 0% credit cards completely - a Discover card that we put the crazy high electric bills on last year - and the most recent one on as well. The 0% promotion ends in August, so we will be wiping it before the delayed stuff hits. We’re currently paying $200 a month on that, so that’s good news for sure. Honestly, that $200 is going to go into a separate savings account, moving forward, because it looks like $1000 bills in December and January are what we should expect each year. If I can be diligent about saving it, it’ll just be available when needed next winter and it won’t be something I need to slap on a credit card because it’s a surprise.

I really want to be able to wipe out credit card payments and use the payments to then snowball other debt, but that electric bill is definitely something we need to plan for next winter!

As far as federal taxes go, I don’t have anything earmarked for those yet. MisterMoonbeam is still paying off back taxes from when his late wife was still alive, and he wasn’t filing at all and then just ignoring the issue for years. I helped him set up a payment plan, and he’s been shelling out $150/month in automatic withdrawals since we started dating. All of the back taxes are actually done with now except for one of the years, and he only owes $1800 on that!

Previously, the government would yank his entire return even though he was making payments. We are assuming the same thing will happen this year, however, since he only now only owes $1800, he should have a hefty amount over top of that available to be refunded! I’m not sure how long that will take, but we will see! My figuring says it’s about $9000 additional we will see as a one-time refund.

Afterward, we should be saving a $150/payment a month since he won’t owe anymore, so that’s a start. I need to look at our other cards and figure out which are the best to put the remaining refund toward. We also are making a master list of projects we want to/need to complete around the house - like a new floor for DarkKnight’s bedroom, a new deck, etc. One we’ve all pretty much agreed on is to get a water softening system installed. We had an estimate done for us last year so I need to locate that email. I think it was $3000?

No decisions have been made on that front yet - we may wait another year and instead just dump all of the refund toward credit card debt. If I can get our balances down enough, and snowball the payments I’ve eliminated, I won’t need to do any substitute teaching while working on my crafting business at the same time. We’ll see.

 

[Bluebird]

MisterMoonbeam and I have been trying on one outfit every evening so I can figure out our Mythicon looks.

Friday walk-around: He’s an emperor moth and he’s all set except I thought he might need a second fluffy boa for his midsection, so I ordered an additional one. It should be here in 2 days. I’m a cicada and I have everything I need. I am actually going to make some adjustments to the boot charms I made previously though - I’ve learned that the hoops on the back are too large and if I’m really active, they actually flip up and go inside of the boot! So I’m going to make smaller rings. I also bought some clip-in green hair color that I am going to wear on the Friday and Friday night.

Friday night (Green Man Dance): I bought a brown top hat for MisterMoonbeam, so I am going to adorn that with ivy and flowers and leaves when it arrives. I also need to make my own headpiece and jewelry. Everything I need to do for this outfit is creative - we have all the garb pieces, thank goodness.



Saturday walk-around: We will both be wearing our matching green & black medallion garb pieces, and our accessories will be blackbird/crow stuff. Again, we are all set on all of the garb clothing and I just need to sort out jewelry and headpieces. I’m hoping to buy a hat for MisterMoonbeam tomorrow night as Damsel in this Dress is releasing some mad hatter hats that would match perfectly - if she has a green one!

We haven’t finished figuring out these yet:
Saturday night (Frost Faerie dance): I *think* I’m completely set but MisterMoonbeam has nothing. Gah!
Sunday walk around: Teal & hot pink - I have ideas and pieces. MisterMoonbeam has a vest and a shirt. I needed to figure this out so I can order items if needed for him!


I spent a couple hours yesterday putting up the second coat of primer in my craft room. I just want this project finished! I’m hoping it takes a single application of the sage green paint, which was the case for the rest of the space. Once the green is up and the touch ups are done, I will be able to get the base mounted to the wall so I can get my flowers all out of bins! I’m hoping I can get the painting done Thursday morning before I see TheEngineer. I’m going to keep the doors white, along with the trim. It shouldn’t take terribly long to roll the space above the doors and the one wall with green.



Today I am heading out to brave the cold with a lunch date with a friend at noon. She does websites and logo design so I wanna talk to her about my business. I have therapy at 2 pm, and then I’m meeting my seamstress friend to pick up two corsets right after that. I could theoretically paint tonight but I got my second shot of Mounjaro yesterday evening so I don’t wanna commit to anything else. Last week I got really nauseous at the end of the second day.

That said, my glucose numbers have been phenomenal! I didn’t get into the 110s until I was on the 5.0 level dose and I have been under 100 consistently the last few days and that is at a 2.5 dose! Squeeee Normal is 70-100.

 

[Bluebird]

I did finish painting the craft room yesterday, and I’m hoping to touch up the white trim today, once I’m awake for real. I’m writing this at 3 am! My Dexcom alarm woke me up for signal loss, even though I wasn’t laying on it or far away from my phone. Ugh. No thanks for that! Anyway, the green part is done and shouldn’t need any touching up that I could see after, so I guess Saturday I am going to be mounting a couple of 2x4s on the long wall, horizontally. I need to get measurements as to how far apart. This is so I can screw small trash cans into them, and then use those as containers to hold my fake flowers.



I’m too tired to write anything more, but hopefully I can get back to sleep. Here’s a photo drop of what I wore the last 2 days.

 

[Bluebird]

I’ve been down so much lately - low moods have me not feeling like myself at all. I am terrified of what is happening in my country and I am at a loss at how to respond to things. Last night I was supposed to go to a 90s-themed karaoke event with DarkKnight - and MisterMoonbeam was gonna go too - but when I realized that my usually extroverted self was actually dreading interaction, I decided to stay home. This is new for me.

I’m currently trying to unpack those feelings. I think a lot of my reluctance had to do with how tired I was (I got 3 hours of sleep the night prior) as that always influences my emotions. But it’s not like staying home helped anything - I didn’t do anything except doomscrolling and feeling shitty.

What’s crazy is that I spent quite a bit of time picking out my outfit and making myself an acceptable amount of grunge to fit the theme!



I spent the whole day with a smoky/glittery eye. I really just felt drained at the thought of talking with other people - I’m an insane extrovert so having this sort of feeling was foreign to me and I didn’t (and still don’t) know what to think about it.

One thing that was neat about yesterday is that I was visited by some deer while doing my makeup look!



She stood there and watched me for about 15 minutes!

In other news, MisterMoonbeam’s federal tax return was accepted. Hopefully that process moves quickly. I’m still not 100% that we will receive the refund. I’m trying not to get my hopes up. He says that the government would send paperwork saying they were gonna take it for my son’s social security payment BEFORE doing something like that, or at least provide me with a document saying I owe it. As far as I know my appeal is still in process, so he’s probably right. It’s added anxiety that I don’t need though.

We found out yesterday that the amount we want to withdrawal from MisterMoonbeam’s 401(k) is not allowed; we can only take half of what we needed. Apparently they limit the total. We thought it had a % cap, but his employer also has an actual dollar amount limit. So that was disheartening. I am going to need to revamp everything we had planned. However, I hadn’t yet included the tax refund figures, so if we do get that as planned, we will only be $10,000 or so off of my original budget. That should work okay but I need to write down some numbers! The 401(k) loan we paid back in full has cleared and has been processed - the 10 day waiting period to take another started yesterday.

I talked to both my daughters yesterday - my youngest came over after work and we loaded her up with her birthday presents! She’s been sick and so has her partner, so we missed seeing her at the beginning of the week. It’s so hard to believe she is 27 now! That’s the age I was when I met DarkKnight. Her and her boyfriend were planning to move in March onto property in West Virginia owned by his parents, but it’s not going to be ready in time for their current lease resigning. They’re going to go month to month and hopefully the remodel that is being done will be completed by the summer. She seems very upbeat about it though. I hope it works out!

My oldest daughter had a long text conversation with me about her new job starting soon and her car. She was planning on buying a new vehicle but I hope I convinced her to save some extra money first. I’ve been helping her improve her credit and she’s seen a boost in her scores, so that’s been a positive! Her relationship is still having issues though and she’s making plans to exit it. She wants to get together to get some in-person advice on everything so we are going to schedule that soon.

I’m seeing my son on Sunday to do his taxes and discuss his social security overpayment situation again. We also have D&D scheduled afterward, so hopefully it’s a good day!

Today I am supposed to go spend some time with TheEngineer and his youngest son at a cultural fair. I went to his house and spent the evening hanging out with them on Thursday night - I met his youngest stepdaughter and oldest stepson. His teenage stepdaughter didn’t wanna meet me. His stepson wasn’t really thrilled either but he was in the kitchen, so we said hey. TheEngineer said that neither of the two oldest are entirely comfortable with polyamory as a choice for their parents, which is perfectly okay with me. I didn’t feel like I needed to meet them or interact at all.

Honestly, I do think it was good to actually see them and meet them after over a year of dating their dad, but I am not one to want to expand on that. They don’t want anything to do with their mom’s other partners either, so I certainly don’t feel slighted. And even if they did want to interact with others and not me - it’s okay for them to choose their saturation level! They are teens and have their own lives!

Now, TheEngineer’s youngest son is a 2 year old and I got him to adore me by singing “C is for Cookie” when he got picked up from daycare. He didn’t remember me from when he visited my house before, but that was okay too. I didn’t expect that he would.

 

[Bluebird]

My reactions to this round of Mounjaro have been great! My blood sugar is still generally above 100, but under 110. I’ve been 98% in range for the last 3+ days and I’ve been making good food choices. I haven’t weighed myself but I don’t think I’ve gone down or gained anything. That said, constipation has plagued me. I needed an enema yesterday and it definitely didn’t handle 100% of the issue. I am going to get another this morning, though in the past I’d plan 3 days between those things! I need to start taking Miralax again.

Tonight DarkKnight, MisterMoonbeam and I had plans to go to a drum circle but due to the cold it’s being moved indoors and it’s just going to be chanting. I feel like my soul could use the boost, but I’m not sure what the guys will want to do. To be honest, I could use the time to repaint the trim in the craft room. I feel motivated to finish that!

 

[Bluebird]

My flower wall is up!

Two pre-primed trim boards: $7.48 each
12 Sterilite 1.5 gallon trash cans: $0.98 each

Almost all of my floral stems are out of bins and totes and random bags now. I can’t even begin to share how excited I am! I needed this storage so I can launch my business with a decent supply of materials. Now I can see what I own already.

My next headpiece is a teal & pink crown for Mythicon, so those flowers are in a separate bin and not on the wall.

The floors still have paint along the edges from BugGirl being messy with the first coat of primer. I took over from there, and some of the white trim needs another coat. Still, this has boosted my mood so much!

DarkKnight & MisterMoonbeam:

 

[bigasstracy]

M was interesting right from the beginning - I noticed he had visited my profile on OKC, but unlike other guys, he didn't message me. So, I looked at his profile and was surprised to see that not only was he nearby, but he was poly as well. I didn't go any farther with him though, as I didn't think his pictures were all that attractive, frankly, and at that point I was really overwhelmed with all of the emails I was receiving.

Anyway, M visited my profile a few more times, and each time I would go and look at his. We had an 88% match, but what I found funny was that I matched 95% with his wife, who also had a profile on OKC. I decided that I would rate him 4 stars so I would remember who he was, in case he ever wrote to me. That did it - he wrote to me soon after.

That one message turned into over 60 within a week's time, and I finally told him that if he wanted to ever have a chance of making it work, we would have to meet soon, since I was planning on seeing a couple of other guys in that time frame. So, we did - we had lunch and then walked a bit over to a frozen yogurt shop nearby.

I didn't feel lightning hit, but he was a great conversationalist and just as interesting as he was over email. I definitely thought he was more attractive in person, too. anyway, I decided I would be willing to see him again if he asked - and he did; that same evening I received an email. We decided to meet at a local park the next day, and that's when I was slammed with my first dose of NRE.

Apparently, he had felt the same, but didn't read anything from me, but I set him straight on that score over email. We set up a 3rd date the next week, and he proposed that we shut off our OKC accounts and see each other exclusively. I was fine with this, as I was sick of sorting through messages from cheating middle-aged men who just wanted to fuck me for fun! (In the end, I deactivated my account, but he just changed his status as not looking - he needed to keep his profile up since it is linked to his wife, who is still open to other relationships.) M gave me a kiss goodbye after our third date, and lightning was definitely surging through both of us at that point!

Since then, we've had several more day-long dates, and he has met my husband, and I have met his wife. We both went to get STD tests last week, and we are now waiting for the all-clear so we can move on to a sexual relationship. I have been even more horny due to the NRE I've been feeling, and I am not normally a patient person!

I should have my results back on Tuesday, and I am very stressed about them. I have been both a blood and platelets donor for several years, so I am confident I don't have AIDS, but seeing as how I have never had tests before, I have a fear I might be harboring something that could be a deal breaker. Truthfully, I have never had any symptoms of anything, but it is stilly scary! M was last tested about 20 years ago, which is when he married his wife, so he is nervous too.

I guess I should explain a bit about M's poly practices - he has only had one other relationship while married to his wife, and that was last year. It lasted 2 months and wasn't sexual. His wife is bi, and has had many relationships over the last 6 years, but none of them unprotected and almost all of them more emotional than physical.

So that is where I am right now - head over heals with NRE and awaiting STD test results.

Good morning bluebird do you have to be heterosexual to be poly.I love the idea of being in a romantic relationship with 2 men.

One thing that has come out of my relationship with M already, is an issue that my husband and I really never paid attention to in our own marriage. I have a difficult time accepting compliments. This seems silly, right? Well, my husband has done an excellent job over the years, either by not saying anything at all, or by phrasing things in such a way so I dont't freak out. M didn't know to do this.

I told him on the second date to please not say things like, "You look nice today," or "I love your hair." He toned himself down a little, but by the fourth date he was becoming sarcastic instead, saying things like, "Oh, your arms are the most hideous things I've ever seen." I had to tell him that his voice was exactly matching my inner monologue and he had to stop immediately. So he did, thank goodness. He had thought I was joking, but I wasn't.

This was amazing to me, to go home and think about. My inner voice is absolutely awful! My husband had been circumventing me from triggering for years, so neither of us had addressed the issue. So, now I am! I had been using a program called SuperBetter to work on anxiety I get when dealing with extended family drama, so I switched my epic win there to address handing compliments.

So far, so good. Seriously though, I was a wreck the first night I attempted to fix things. All I had to do was say, "Thank You" when my husband said, "You're beautiful." Instead, I choked up and cried for a while. I've gotten much better, but it still sucks. I can't figure out why this is so difficult - it only happens with generalized comments directed toward my physical appearance. Complimenting what I am wearing, or something I did - no problem. But you better say, "Your ankles are skinny and trim," and not "Your legs are sexy." If the person is specific, I am ok, but general compliments send me into a tailspin.

My first response when hearing a general compliment is to immediately frown and shut down. My mind processes what has been said as a lie or that I am being made fun of at that moment. Freak, right? Ugh. My husband said it is an amazing thing to watch - how instantaneously I go from happy to upset.

So, I'm working on it. Thanks polyamory - without changing my relationships, I might never had known I had this gigantic issue to work on! I am hoping it doesn't take long - I think I've improved a lot since I've started focusing on it. M has been out of town the last 4 days, so he hasn't been involved with my progress - just my husband and I have been working on things.

I know this type of relationship or whatever it's called it's new to me yet very exciting I still hope you mean a nice male couple and see where things go I love the idea I'm being with two men in a relationship

 

[Bluebird]

Good morning bluebird do you have to be heterosexual to be poly.I love the idea of being in a romantic relationship with 2 men.

I know this type of relationship or whatever it's called it's new to me yet very exciting I still hope you mean a nice male couple and see where things go I love the idea I'm being with two men in a relationship

Hi, you’re quoting a post I made in 2013. Lots has changed in my life since then!

Your sexual orientation can be whatever you’d like. Good luck with figuring out what works for you!