Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

Glad you were able to get a good car. Those are hard to come by.
 
I spent my Friday night tonight at a 6 pm eye doctor appointment. All 5 of us went together. It was great - I really felt like we were a family. My youngest daughter still needs no eye glasses of any type. So very lucky! My son's prescription got worse, so he got new frames and lenses. My own eyes actually improved - my astigmatism is a bit better, as is my right eye prescription. So, I got myself new lenses and a new pair of frames as well. Though, to be fair, I love my current frames and I was unhappy about getting a new pair! However, I found some chunkier frames that made me smile. So it's all good.

DarkKnight's prescription didn't really change, but he wanted to go back to wearing contacts, so we put in an order for those. He's pretty jazzed. PunkRock is getting his first pair of bifocals. How I love my old man! Seeing him with glasses on was a HUGE turn-on. He looked hot.

I will post some pictures next week when everything is delivered.

After the appointment, DarkKnight and PunkRock went out to dinner with me at the Mexican joint around the corner. Yum! (I had picked up Burger King for my kids prior to our appointment.)
 
Last night, my daughter was at play practice and my son was out helping a friend. My husband prepared and cooked dinner, set the table and had everything ready for our evening meal. Afterward, I cleared and cleaned the table, scrubbed down the kitchen island and packed up the leftovers while PunkRock emptied and refilled the dishwasher.

This made me so happy - it made me visualize our lives together once the kids have moved out. I am really feeling positive about my life and my loves. <3
 
Awesome, bluebird! I'd love to have this type of live-in relationship (only as a leg in the V with Blue as the hinge.) And, I really like that your kids live with you!
 
Ugh. I really need to get back on my diet - I feel so fat and bloated this morning. I feel lazy today, but I am going to have to get moving. My son has a dentist appointment and I need to get to the bank. This evening my daughter has play practice, and my hubby has choral practice, and PunkRock will be getting his Skype thing going - he and a bunch of friends paint their miniatures while talking online. I have a couple of options - my friends want to go to Monkey LaLas to play trivia, but I'm not really sure if I am feeling it. I might stay home and clean. I kinda have that urge right now, but combined with my "be lazy" feeling, that's a dangerous proposition. More than likely I'd just watch Hoarders or read articles and look at photos on Pinterest of how to get organized. Then again, it is Spring. I could start washing all the curtains and scrub the window sills. Yeah, trivia sounds good.

That said, I had book club with my lady friends last night. Tomorrow night PunkRock and I are planning to go to a new game store in town for a board game night. I am hosting board game club for the Tweens and teens this Friday, so I need to play at least one more round of King of New York or King of Tokyo, since it has been awhile and those are the games I am featuring. I think I have 11 kids signed up, so I will need to get them started quickly. Anyway, board games! Yay! Lately I feel really sad in that I have all these great games but no time to focus on them. We still haven't been able to carve out time to play Arkham Horror again. Love that game!

Oh! Just found out that the Board Game Auction in Glen Burnie is on April 26. I will need to travel over there soon to list my own stuff to put up for sale. PunkRock says he has some stuff to add as well. Hopefully we make some cash. Well, it gets loaded on a gift card anyway! It won't be difficult to spend it, in any case - I have a wish list full of games! So I guess maybe that will happen Saturday? Sunday is Easter, so we will see. This week feels like it will go fast.

Gah! I have to get my lesson plan sorted for this Thursdsy - my last Mythology class. I think I will focus on the Mayan culture. Next up for me is a Fortune Telling/Divination class. I am really psyched about that. I am also co-teaching a Strategic Board Games class. That will be standard though - I have already talked to the instructor - we are going to do King of New York/King of Tokyo one week, Ticket to Ride/TTR Europe the next, and then prolly Forbidden Island/Forbidden Desert the next.

PunkRock told me yesterday that April is almost here - and then it is one month until May. "Do you know what happens in May?!" He is so fucking sweet sometimes. I am very excited about our wedding and it's nice to know that he is too.
 
Lots of gaming going on here lately! PunkRock and I attended a board game night at a new store in our town on Wednesday night. We played two new-to-us games - SmallWorld and something I think was called Legendary? It was a card based game referencing the Alien movie franchise. We met new people and I loved both games a lot.

Today I am hosting the teen/tween board game club from my home and I have 11 kids arriving at 1 pm. We're playing King of New York and King of Tokyo. I will be scheduling a second club date this month later, but I haven't really looked at my calendar to see when that will be!

Tomorrow PunkRock and I are traveling to Glen Burnie to go to Games & Stuff to drop off the games we want to sell in their upcoming auction. That evening, DarkKnight and I will be going to a a "Beer & Board Game" night at the new store in town here.

Then, next Thursday starts the last month of co-op, where I am co-teaching a strategic games class.

Busy busy! What's sad is that I still have lots of games that I want to play but I haven't been able to focus on them because of a lack of time! The new game store is starting up a Dungeons & Dragons group (5th edition) and I am totally bummed out because there is no way I can fit it in to my schedule.
 
That's a shame ... no one should have to miss out on a round of D&D ...
 
Ha! I ended up joining the D&D campaign anyway!

I had messaged the guy running the auction and he said they only had room for 7 more lots. PunkRock and I were planning on bringing more than that, and the fact that we'd have to drive an hour and a half to go there and then find out that someone beat us to it - yeah, we decided to skip selling anything this time around. So, we went to lunch together and then over to create our characters. The actual campaign will start next Sunday.

I am really excited to have taken this step and to go full nerd. There were 4 people in our group yesterday, and I think two more joining us next week. So it's a good sized group. Everyone is starting out at level 1, and I am a human Druid named Leea Sunshine. I had a moment where I thought about my dad, and so I made my character's first name based on him (Lee). Then I just came up with the most obnoxious hippy-dippy nature-based name I could think of for the surname. PunkRock is a half-Orc warlock, who is currently unnamed.

We didn't have the book while at the meeting, but I bought it later that night so we are flushing out the backstory here at home. We rolled all of the stats and such with the DungeonMaster earlier.

DarkKnight is kinda bummed because he would like to attend too, but he has the play he is performing in taking up the entire swath of Sundays in April, so, nope. The two of us went out for dinner last night and then over to the "Beer and Board Games" event at the same store and had a super fun evening laughing and playing the game Smash Up with strangers. I had Kitty Cats and Geeks, for those who are familiar with the game, and it was an absolute blast. I actually played the card that broke the last base, and because of the way the points were, I could have chose to have this other chick win while royally screwing DarkKnight, and I would have come in 2nd, but instead I chose to come in 5th and instead play a card that would cause DarkKnight to win! He said - "Remember who you are sleeping with tonight!"

I laughed really hard, because I announced, "It's PunkRock!" The people who had met me before with PunkRock laughed really loud too. It was nice to have people who know about our poly appreciate the joke. Of course this was said with much love and happiness, and DarkKnight was laughing too. It was all good though, because I did let him win with my last card play.

Today is Easter! The first Easter that I've not colored eggs, or hidden eggs, or made up baskets. My kids are all grown up, with my youngest being 17. I feel old., and a little sad. DarkKnight requested peeps and peanut butter eggs, so there is plenty of junk here though! We are hosting dinner at 2 pm for DarkKnight's older sister and one of her daughters - the one with special needs. We invited PunkRock's brother, LordTenderHeart, but he may still have to work, so he is iffy.
 
Sounds like fun times to me. :)
 
I'm suddenly thinking again about moving. I mean, it was never off the table - the plan is in place that we will be moving after my youngest graduates - but I haven't really focused on the thought for a while. Too much else going on, I guess. This morning on Facebook, I saw a chart listing middle class incomes that are necessary to be considered middle class, per state. Maryland is the highest!

http://twocents.lifehacker.com/the-salary-required-to-be-middle-class-in-every-state-1695393156/+andyoooo

The two states we were focusing on earlier - New Mexico and Tennessee - are in the bottom ten. So I still feel good about that thought! According to the list, we are above median income in Maryland, but still below the "Upper Bound" number. I really do think we will fare so much better financially if we relocate.
 
I'd check the medians for the immediate area you're interested in too, though - for instance, in the state I'm in, our household is at something like 75th percentile for income in the state but 55th percentile for our urban area. (Yes, it would be logical to move, but I can't stand the idea of living somewhere rural and I love my city.)
 
Absolutely. :) I mean, we live in Maryland, but not in Mongomery county or close to DC - and those numbers would obviously skew the rest of the state. We are an hour and a half outside of DC. Still, it isn't cheap.

We would also save more if I didn't eat out once or twice a day. Sigh.
 
Believe me, I understand THAT problem - I live in Durham NC, which is a foodie mecca AND a liberal bastion vs the rest of the state... ;-)
 
I love Maryland, grew up here, and have difficulty imagining living elsewhere but, yeah, it is not a cheap place to live. Of course, the other places I can kinda imagine living (the Pacific Northwest, parts of New England) are also not cheap places to live too. But I feel you on the costs (and eating out often too!).
 
Once my kids are independent and out of the house, the goal is to downsize. I love my house and think we are paying a fair rental price for it, for the area ($1625/month + water/sewer/utilities). However, since we want to buy an RV and travel, we have to get that down to about $900/month. I think that should be do-able, if we move to a cheaper area.
 
Did I mention how much I liked New Mexico? :) Albuquerque especially. (Santa Fe's cool too.)
 
My dress is here! Well, at the store, anyway. I got an email today that it arrived. I'm going to pick it up this weekend, and the plan is to buy my shoes then too. I feel like this weekend is going to be fairly focused on checking off boxes on the wedding to-do list.

I am feel really strange lately. One, I am sooooo in love lately. Just like moony, head over heals NRE for PunkRock. I think about him, daydream about him, linger over how happy I am because of it. It's kinda distracting! And then, DarkKnight - oh boy! Lately all I wanna do is jump his bones and get my freak on with him! Course, that brings us to 2) both my guys have me so hesitant about initiating sex.

It's really difficult to not burst into tears because I am so positive and happy in love but then to be holding back asking for sex because I am afraid of being turned down. I am used to it with DarkKnight, since he is usually a once a week sort of guy anyway, but last night he was extremely disinterested in even helping me masturbate. He was half asleep and just barely pawed at my chest while I was having fun time with Mr. Buzzy. And you all know how unhappy having to masturbate makes me - but to have my guy not even want to wake up and make an effort to help...it sucks. I talked to him about it a bit today at lunch, but he was just like, I was tired. Sigh.

And PunkRock - lately he is back to having difficulty having an orgasm again. I know it has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with his medication, his age, etcetera. but knowing and actually accepting that fact are two totally different things. It makes me feel stressed out, and I am afraid to initiate sex because I feel like him not being about to achieve that will stress him out. It's a terrible way to feel, because I love him so much and want desperately to rub all over him, everywhere. I feel like a terrible partner and girlfriend.

I really struggle with trying to dampen down my libido, because it isn't decreasing at all. I'm down to like every other day now, and then I am worried during it that my guys aren't really interested.

Ugh. And I am off my diet too, so I feel unattractive, and worry that they think I look gross.
 
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Well I don't think there's anything wrong with you ... or with PunkRock, or with DarkKnight. The three of you simply have differing levels of libido. That's very normal, humans have all kinds of libido levels. Some are even asexual, right? but we don't hold that against them. Nor do I think someone's a bad person if they want sex like, ten times a day. It's just part of the unique body chemistry that contributes to each of us being a unique individual.

Now of course you still have a problem to solve. What to do about these disparate drives? You can't just add partners and fix it that way; people aren't interchangeable and only PunkRock and DarkKnight can stand in for PunkRock and DarkKnight. You don't just want more sex, you want more sex *with them.*

Which is not to say you can't have more partners as IMO you can, and the increased amount of sex may help to a certain extent. But I don't know how to solve the root of the problem here. Do you think some sessions with a sex therapist might yield some solutions? I'm thinking that's something to consider.

Maybe there's meds you guys can take to help boost/decrease your drive levels so that they're closer to being in sync? [shrug] I'm totally pulling stuff out of my butt here as I have no idea if such biochemical tech exists. Besides, sometimes these kinds of problems iron themselves out with the passing of time.

Okay, I've ran out of hot air.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Don't feel like a terrible partner just because you wanna get down with them and the timing wasn't right. There is nothing wrong with any of you! Nothing you need meds for! Stop beating yourself up.

I do think you might want to try to get over this hangup you have about masturbation and how it's a disappointing thing to do instead of partner sex. Maybe read Betty Dodson's book, "Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving." I get myself off almost every day, whether I have lovers in my life or not. When it's just me, I can be with anyone I want - in my fantasies, and I have some wild ones - and some really great orgasms. When my husband and I split up and he moved out, the first thing I bought as a treat to myself was a new JimmyJane vibrator. Not that I waited until I didn't have a partner anymore to use one, but my old vibrator was worn out! LOL.

And as someone trying to lose weight myself, I know it can be very challenging to stick with a weight loss plan, but maybe you just need to utilize some tools to help you, like tracking your food, joining an online (free) support group for losing weight, finding a buddy to exercise with, things like that.

No matter what, whether it's your libido or your weight, don't give in to self-criticism - it's pretty obvious that both your men adore you.
 
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Thanks bunches. ((HUGS))

Your last bit made me squee, NYCindie, and I asked both guys if it was true - if they adore me. The response was ABSOLUTELY! This has me tickled, for some reason. It seems so much more intense than the word love. They were both like, duh. :) Whenever they say nice things like that I feel very supported and cared for. And happy.

But yeah, I spoke to both of them separately yesterday. DarkKnight promises attention tonight, but I am very sure he is going to be exhausted, so I am not apt to try and initiate. I know he needs his sleep. This week he's been out rehearsing for his play until 10 or 11 pm, which opens this Saturday. That's late for him. He has tonight off, so he's apt to tumble into bed at 9 pm. Still, he's been super affectionate since. I enjoy the cuddles.

PunkRock got a blowjob last night, but no reciprocation was given. He offered and asked, but I just snuggled him. My fault - this time I was tired! I was crazy horny, but after all the attentions I had showered on him, I wanted sleep more.

When I told PunkRock how I was feeling about my weight, he looked at me like I was truly insane and said, no, not in the least little bit is it an issue for him. It was so instant and intense, I definitely believed him. To be fair, I am prolly only hovering around 10 pounds over what I weighed when we met, but it's enough to depress me. It was good to know he doesn't care.

I use MyFitnessPal to count calories, when I want to. Most of the time lately, I just don't care and want to eat delicious crap instead. I am an emotional eater and I am stressed and want my comfort food more than I want to lose weight at the moment. That's the truth. I don't work out, because I have various health concerns that limit what I can do. There most definitely are options available, but I'm lazy. Plus I have low thyroid and it's difficult to see progress anyway. I just recently started back on my medication for that. The counting calories works, every time though. I just have to get my emotions in check so I can resist donuts and cheese danishes.

I am sure this will continue to be an ongoing issue. I think I'm just too needy when it comes to sex. It sucks, but I will just keep on. Neither of my guys have any complaints, and when I talked to PunkRock, he was like - we just had sex yesterday morning! I think neither of them realize really, how undersexed I feel. And I know it should be better, because I am certainly having more now, than before PunkRock was in the picture. I just don't know how to be okay with that amount. I think the masturbation will help, but I don't want to feel depressed and stressed because of it. That will add to my not losing weight issue. I will check out the book recommendation - thanks!
 
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