Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

UGH! My dad recently passed and I was the one that had to go through everything to find all the life insurance policies and help my mom get everything transferred into her name. It's a major PITA. She's still playing musical chairs with my dad's pension and SS payments 3 months later. Turns out the life insurance policy had dropped in 1/2 due to his age and neither realized it...

IMHO Accidental death is a waste of money UNLESS you do a great deal of airline or rail traveling. Basically, it only pays in case of a plane crash or such. Car crash only counts, if you weren't driving AND don't own the car.

A will is a good idea, a living trust is better if they own their home (avoids probate - IF things gets re-registered into the trust). Unfortunately all debt usually reverts to the surviving spouse or whoever inherits the assets, like the family home, cars, etc.

My sympathies about having to deal with all this stuff.
 
Thankfully, they're poor and don't own their home. They live in a retirement building where they rent their own apartment. They live in NY, which isn't a community property state, so from what I've read, my mom won't get my dad's debts to worry over. Seriously, they own next to nothing. No car.

My dad is still in the hospital - they are worried about his heart now. Apparently he needs a stress test. The physical therapist recommended a visiting nurse service, so when he is discharged, there will be one to visit him at home the next day. We are hoping he is allowed home tomorrow. I am going home Thursday.

Ha! My bestie in NY invited me to a love and sex addiction meeting tomorrow night. She was set to go but got nervous to go alone, so I am going to go with her. It actually sounds like fun and I am interested to see what it is like.
 
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Ok, so my dad is back at home and now has upcoming appointments with his primary doctor, his Pulmonologist and a cardiologist. Apparently his heart has a 25% "ejection fraction." Which is apparently bad. I made all of the appointments for him, and arranged transportation as well.

This afternoon I made copies of the living wills & health care proxies for my mother and father. My sister says she wants nothing to do with anything. I also helped them write their wills, but I have to wait until I return home to print them, then mail them and hope they get them signed, witnessed, notarized and sent back to me.
 
It's a labor of love, amirite?

When I hear the words "ejection fraction," I picture a tear somewhere along the path the blood must follow. Surely it's not as serious as that or he'd be having open heart surgery as we speak. But I can imagine it's pretty darn bad whatever it is.
 
Ejection fraction is how much of the blood within the heart gets squeezed out with each pump of the heart. It basically tells you how strong the pumping is. Normal is something like 50 to 65%.

Hope your dad feels better, BB.
 
I went to the sex addiction meeting last night. It is apparently set up like a 12-step program, and last night was sort of an open forum thing, where participants were encouraged to talk about why they thought they needed help. It was interesting, and uncomfortable and I am not sure it would be beneficial to me on a regular basis. The host of the meeting said that you need about 6 meetings to be sure. I have no idea if they hold them in my area.

I took a pamphlet that had 40 questions for self-diagnosis, and I scored 23 "yes" answers. It didn't give any guidance as to whether this is a good number or a bad number. I mean, it's more than half, but it isn't an overwhelming amount. Some of my responses were "sometimes, I guess" and a couple of the questions irritated me. Some of them I felt were attributable to other areas of my life.

Some examples of questions that had yes answers:

"Have you lost count of the number of sexual partners you've had?"
This is irritating because I believe that the number of partners doesn't really matter. My sex drive has always been high - even when I was numbering less than 4 lifetime partners. Now that I'm hovering somewhere near 20 (I really don't know, or care) the drive isn't any less. I'm not being reckless or making poor choices. So, that's a yes answer but I don't think it is helpful in making a decision as to whether I have an issue or not.

"Do you believe that someone can fix you?"
I answered yes to this but it has sort of 'I don't really know' about it. I started with the poly thing because I was hoping a second partner could fix the frequency of sex for me and I still hope that I can learn to be ok with sex once every other day. But having PunkRock in my life hasn't fixed my drive - if it is something that needs to be fixed. It hasn't calmed it down any.

"Do you feel desperation or uneasiness when you are away from your lover or sexual partner?" This was a resounding yes and I circled the 'X' as well. I am all out of sorts if I am away from my loves for more than a couple of days. I have a great need to be held and hugged. I don't think this has something to do with sex addiction though. I think I've written in my journal before about trying to work out this issue, and I feel like it was traced to the fact that my ex husband was never supportive or affectionate when I needed him desperately to be so. When I was dating M and he failed to follow through on his promises - that also made me wonky. So me being separated from my partners in the past has resulted in broken promises, lies and sadness for me. So part of it, at least, isn't an addiction sign - it's a response to past experiences. However, I do think that it is more intense than it should be.
 
It's all so odd, Bluebird, as I don't think of you as a sex addict. The rule of thumb I always go by is, An addiction is something that's so out-of-control in your life that it's screwing your life up. You might have an interest in slowing your libido down some but I don't think of that as an actual addiction. Does that make sense?
 
You might find The Myth of Sex Addiction by David J. Ley of interest. I found it compelling.

I took one of those online tests from some association - forget which one - of therapists and such. Just answering in the positive to any question on kink or bdsm automatically made one a sex addict who needed assistance. This was just bullshit.
 
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Heh, we need more kinky therapists.
 
Yeah, really, I wouldn't have gone if my friend hadn't asked me to accompany her. I don't feel like my sex life is out of control. When I was dating M, he told me he thought I had a problem. I've been talking with both my guys since going to the meeting, and they think it's not really an addiction for me.

I dunno. My libido is really high, and it always has been. I am not ready to say it's an addiction. My life is not out of control, and I have scaled back from sex and survived just fine when I was with partners that couldn't keep up. I wasn't happy, but I wasn't running around being unsafe or cheating or crazy.

I do have urges to go to play parties, have fun, etc. However, the thought of having to start getting tested regularly again, the up and down drama that can ensure from adding others to my life - I am quite sure I want none of that. A friend invited me to a sex club - I guess that would be what you'd call it - in a nearby town, but as fun as that might be, I know that M goes there with his wife. As comfortable as I would feel with that, I don't think he would be okay with me being there. So I have declined invitations from her and others to go check it out. I know M is either staff or involved somehow because my one friend was showing me pictures (non x-rated) of her friend, and M was standing next to the guy. She doesn't know M, but she was interested that I knew him, since he obviously knows her friend. Feh. So yeah, not going there any time soon.

PunkRock and I just had a wonderful lunch and we talked a bit about going to this club or play parties, but we've tabled it for now. I have too many other things going on and I am in love and prepping for my wedding. I don't need anything else at the moment, just for kicks.
 
I agree, the number of past partners is irrelevant.

Bluebird said:
So me being separated from my partners in the past has resulted in broken promises, lies and sadness for me.
Click to expand...

While this is problematic, I wouldn't call it "addiction", but a symptom of bigger relationship issues.

I think I've written in my journal before about trying to work out this issue, and I feel like it was traced to the fact that my ex husband was never supportive or affectionate when I needed him desperately to be so.
Click to expand...

As I've discovered recently within my own relationship, having partner(s) who are supportive and willing to discuss what's going on and work WITH you to accommodate your needs instead of punishing you for them makes a world of difference.

In my marriage, I'm the one with a lower than normal libido which was made worse due to my hysterectomy and/or the ablation a month prior (things are raw & uncomfortable even 2 years later).
 
Just uploaded a couple of more photos, so I thought I'd share.

I bought all of the flowers for my bouquet, at 50% off, from Hobby Lobby. I am really excited about making my bouquet, but I haven't had time yet. A friend let me borrow pins and ribbon to cut it down and tie it off, but I think I may go with a teal ribbon, so I'll have to buy that yet.

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Here is a pic of all of the jewelry I've made so far. I'm having fun playing with different types of beads, and different materials. I ordered some more abalone beads and I've purchased some dark purple stones to make some more bracelets. I want to make a long lariat-style necklace too.

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Today I went to a wedding expo at the local mall. It was fun to watch the fashion show, and I scored a 40% off coupon for the place where we plan to purchase PunkRockAwesomesauce's suit in February. I also made an appointment at David's Bridal, but I think I'll prolly end up ordering my dress online.
 
Holy crap.

DarkKnight's mom and her new boyfriend came over unexpectedly tonight. They called ahead and ended up staying for dinner. They were both very polite and welcoming to PunkRock.

Holy crap.
 
Squee! Just filled out the online form and sent the application fee in for my youngest's trip to Nepal. ($35) I also called and made an appointment at the post office for her to get a passport. Their printer is down, so we are about to go to CVS to have her photos taken. The appointment is on next Monday afternoon, but she is so excited, so we are going to get the photos today. I also filled out and printed the passport application. It'll cost us $135 next Monday. I don't know how much the photos will cost, but it looks like anywhere from $15 to $25. So not terrible.

I am so happy for her to have this opportunity.

Actually, she's going to be going to Orlando, Florida in a few weeks. A friend of mine is traveling there and her son is one of Cara's best friends. (He's gay.) They invited her to go with them and after some family budget meetings, we decided to send her along. She's leaving on Feb 15 and will be gone a little over a week. We only had to pay for her entrance fees to Epcot, the Magic Kingdom and Universal Studios. She is super excited about Harry Potter world. We were supposed to go a year or so ago, but it didn't work out. This family is paying for all her food and lodging - it was so nice of them to invite her on their vacation!

So this will be a year of travels for my baby girl. We've already been to New York, now she's headed to Orlando, Florida, in March we're going to Great Wolf Lodge again in Williamsburg, Virginia and in May we are hoping to return to New York to see my oldest daughter graduate from college. Then she'll have Nepal in October! I am so very, very glad she has such a great year planned!
 
CVS charged us $12. I am a AAA member, so I wish I had seen your post!
 
This Sunday marks the one year anniversary of PunkRockAwesomesauce and I, and tonight, it finally happened - he overheard me having sex with DarkKnight.

I think it's pretty amazing that it took this long, to be honest. I am not at all quiet, and I am not one to really work at that. I get caught up. Anyway, he has hearing loss that has been around since he was a child, so that has factored into things, for sure. Tonight though, I got a text asking if I was just making noises.

Oh boy. PunkRock is a pretty sensitive guy when it comes to sharing energy. I am fairly fluid - I can go from hugging and loving on one of my guys to hugging and loving on the other, no problem. Actually transferring sexual energy is a lot more difficult, and I would usually not want to try.

Tonight was a date night for PunkRock and I, and we watched an episode of Breaking Bad and then went upstairs for sexy time. I am on my period (day 2, ugh) so neither of us got naked right off the bat and we just ended up snuggling. Holy crap was he full of happy smiles for me! I find it so stinking cute when he can't stop grinning, and we were both just so full of care and fun and love. Neither of us were pinging a horny vibe off each other - it was just closeness and squee.

After 9 pm, he retired to his room after many kisses, and DarkKnight came to bed. We both did independent iPhone things for about a half hour or so, and then I was just so overwhelmed with a rush of love for him that I turned over and started kissing him. He smelled so good - it was a bit intoxicating. He got into it and then it led to some Mr. Buzzy time for me and quite a bit of good times for him too. :)

So yeah, I was exuberant and PunkRock overheard. Knowing how sensitive he can be to sharing energy like that, I went right over to his room to check his emotional state. He said he was fine, not upset, etc. I didn't really believe him at first but he said he was just questioning if he had actually heard something. I asked him now that he knew that he had, did he feel jealousy or compersion or what? He said he didn't feel any of that, but when I asked him if he was happy that I was happy, he said yes. I needed hugs to be reassured, and that made me feel bad - that I needed the reassuring when I had gone there to check on him!

It was positive overall, because when I left he was grinning and looking so fucking cute again. Two of the cats - Stormy and Gus were snuggling up on him so he is being well cared for tonight even though he isn't with me. :)

I will check in with him again tomorrow after he has had a little more time to process things.
 
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