Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

[Bluebird]

I’m home alone today and focusing on my word of the year - REST. I’ve been talking today with YoungNorse. I took him out of my signature line here a while ago because I just wasn’t feeling the timing on things - we had one date and that’s it before my world fell apart. He’s my Facebook friend and he’s been liking or loving all of my status updates there and just staying in the background for a while now. So when he reached out to me today to chat, I welcomed the discussion.

I’m still totally into him but the timing is just off. I don’t have time to cultivate a new relationship any further at the moment. I’ve actually been thinking of quitting things with TheEngineer because I feel like I’m doing the bare minimum there to keep us going. I think TheEngineer and I are going to have dinner tomorrow and I might bring up the topic of putting a pin in our relationship for now.

Anyway, YoungNorse totally understood and volunteered to take my wedding photos if I needed a photographer.

 

[Bluebird]

Ugh. I didn’t fall asleep until 4 am, and then I woke up at 8 am in massive aching pain. At 9 am, I called the oncologist because it’s been a week and they never reached out. The lady who answered the phone said most people call them. It’s okay though, she made me an appointment for Feb 5. I was surprised it was so quick, but apparently “we make these cases a priority.” I don’t know what sort of case I have but that wasn’t comforting!

I sent a group message and MisterMoonbeam responded that he got the day off. I really appreciate that, as I am terrified, but I don’t know if this is the best date for him to come with, since it’s an initial appointment. He said he put in as an option. I appreciate that a lot, honestly. I’m really scared. I’m mostly worried about the drive home, more than the appointment.

I have a therapy appointment this afternoon and then a Wicca class tonight. I didn’t make a dinner date with TheEngineer, but honestly I don’t know if I will make the drive to Frederick. I kinda feel like doing a zoom call in tonight - I’m so hurty I don’t know if sitting on a folding chair for a few hours is a good idea.

 

[Bluebird]

SnoBall tonight with MisterMoonbeam. We had our regular weekly dance lesson first, then a 45 minute break, then the social ball. We danced the Rumba, the Hustle, some Salsa and some Foxy. It was fun! I love dancing with him - he looks at me so joyfully, like no other time. It’s just this glow!

 

[Bluebird]

I had a date night with DarkKnight tonight. We had a drink at a bar owned by my friend, where we surprisingly knew the bartender - DarkKnight has done some theater programs with her before! There, I bought a plant, and then we went to another bar in a town near us - we were invited there to by a mutual friend, for dinner and karaoke. DarkKnight sang two songs - Garth Brooks “Friends in Low Places” and “Kryptonite” by 3 Doors Down. I didn’t sing anything but I did drink two diet cokes. lol When we got home we watched Empire Records, as I was channeling that movie in my outfit today.







After our activities, we decided to fill out DarkKnight’s part of the divorce paperwork, as it had been received in the mail earlier this evening. I gave the packet to MisterMoonbeam, and he filled out the service sheet, and then directly handed it to DarkKnight. They were both shirtless and in their underwear (both getting comfy for bed) so it was a ridiculous image for a ridiculous event.

DarkKnight then filled out his official “answer” as he read through the paperwork. Basically it was a set of checkboxes, marking that he agrees with every statement in the paperwork that I filled out. Like, paragraph 1 says we were married on this date, at this location. Paragraph 2 says we lived in Maryland since this date. The following ones all list that we have no minor children, I don’t want child support or alimony, I’m not changing my name, and we don’t have any shared property needing to be split by the court. It’s crazy how simple it is.

It’s all done now, and he’s going to deliver everything to the courthouse first thing Monday morning when they open at 8 am. The summons says he doesn’t have to appear in court, only I do, once they set a date. We are both hoping that is truly the case! He’s going to ask, when he turns it in.

It’s supposed to be 30-90 days once he submits everything. I really hope it goes fast. This is the first stressor that we need to get past. It will put my surgery and subsequent doctor visits on hold until it’s complete.

I’m actually calling on Monday to postpone my endoscopy. Yeah, I have all this diabetes nonsense as well as the hysterectomy and possible cancer stuff there, but I STILL have to have the lump in my throat looked at because that might be cancer. Fucking ugh.

So tonight was fun followed by bullshit. We’re going to be okay though. Fuck these insurance companies though, for real.

 

[Bluebird]

My insomnia has been unreal. Last night I actually did manage to fall asleep at midnight, but I woke up at like 5:20 am to pee. I had a crown and (diet) coke at the first bar so I am crazy warm at the moment with a bit of a headache.

Yesterday - besides the divorce papers - I opened a random package in the mail, discovering that a friend had mailed me a little card telling me to keep my head up. She included a gift - a ceramic square with a blackbird on it, with the lyrics “you were only waiting for this moment to arise.”

OMG I burst into tears. DarkKnight was laying on my bed, and he sat up, asking what was wrong, and when I showed him, he started crying too. After I calmed down, I went and showed MisterMoonbeam, and he also teared up, giving me a huge hug. This caused me to cry some more.

I actually had opened this first, thinking it was some eye primer I had ordered. The next thing I saw were the divorce papers. So yeah. It was definitely an emotional evening before we went out.

Today I’ve got more house cleaning to do, and we have D&D at 5 pm. DarkKnight will be gone most of the day - it’s tech week for Bonnie & Clyde! (I have tickets to see him Friday night.) My son should be here a little bit before D&D, so I will do his taxes then, I think. Oh, I also need to package up and mail two skirts; I am trading those for a vixen corset from someone I met while at the Ohio Yuletide last month.

I finally shut down my OKC account yesterday afternoon. I had been talking to 3 other dudes and I wasn’t interested in more matches right now. I offered the opportunity to go off app to Messenger - only one guy took it, a few days ago. One said he had “reasons” to keep his dating life separate from having his real name attached (uh, what? No thanks!) and the other just never responded.

The one that moved over to Messenger - this was on Wednesday - really ramped up his communication with me and ended up calling me that night while I was driving home from Wicca class. We had a really good conversation and we then sent messages on Thursday and Friday as well, chatting most of the day.

I’m appreciating the back and forth and he seems incredibly respectful of when I tell him I’m unavailable. He’s my age, and has been polyamorous on and off as he’s had relationships over the years. He definitely knows the lingo and can speak intelligently about the subject, and what he is looking for. Right now he is completely single. He lives an hour away, so that has me skeptical. We will see how things progress - we are meeting Sunday morning in Chambersburg, PA for “coffee.” FetLife makes us look very compatible sexually - I guess we will see.

I told him what’s up with my medical stuff, and how I’m not seeing anyone new right now beyond who I was originally in contact with lately. He knows I shut down OKC and that I am going to be focused on my health and all the nonsense with that. He told me he’s not necessarily focused on the sexual side of things and he’s like to focus on a more romantic connection while I go through things. Huh. Okay? I guess we will see.

I have to say that this contact has given me a little jolt of NRE, and it’s been so long since I’ve felt anything remotely like that! He looks like MisterMoonbeam but with a goatee instead of a beard. Sigh.

Funny enough, someone online invited me to a local ENM Facebook group on Wednesday as well, and suddenly there are several women in my DMs. I had to explain to each what was up (vaguely) so that quieted down just as quickly as it increased. I was talking to MisterMoonbeam about that, and he said he thinks I match with women so rarely that he wants me to pursue any connections, even though we both had decided to not start new conversations right now.

I told him if I had time, I might go to a munch or a non-sexual event just to connect and make some more lady friends within the community, at least. There’s a meet up today but IDK if I want to go - my plan right now is to clean this morning!

 

[Bluebird]

So MisterMoonbeam has a dental appointment this morning and he was anxious. Tonight he has his second ever photography class, so I guess today will be up and down for him.

DarkKnight went into work late so he will be staying late. So I won’t see him until super late as he’s got practice tonight for his show this weekend. He did go to the courthouse this morning to file his answer to my divorce papers. He said the clerk told him he did not need to attend the hearing when it gets scheduled, but that his absence means they only take my testimony into consideration. He said he’s more than fine with that, so now we wait. They said 30-90 days until the hearing and I will get a summons in the mail. Gah! I hope it’s not on a date we already have something scheduled on. I just thought of that. Ugh.

I talked to TheEngineer this morning and he’s going to go with me on Friday to see DarkKnight’s show. I bought tickets a while back, and MisterMoonbeam would rather not go to live productions due to his anxiety for the performers, so he is happy for me to tap someone else as my date for that! I’m also seeing TheEngineer on Wednesday night, for dinner, before my Wiccan class. Ugh, that reminds me that I need to decide if I’m going to an Imbolc celebration on Sunday or not. I also have homework (read a couple of chapters in a book I still need to buy) before Wednesday. Pausing this to go get it on my Kindle!

Ok, done. Lol

So I traded some more garb this weekend so I have a bunch to box up this morning and get it to the post office this afternoon after MisterMoonbeam gets back home. I’m super excited to get new pieces that will fit!

I had a date with the new guy yesterday. It went really well. We met at Panera in Chambersburg and I bought us coffee drinks (chai for me) and sat and talked for 3 hours. Then it was time for lunch, so we went to Fuddruckers and it was closed so we ended up at Longhorn Steakhouse (his suggestion) and he paid for food there. We parted ways after 7:30 pm and omg my body is not okay after sitting that long!

He’s going to come attend game night on Saturday after a date day then. He probably will only be meeting MisterMoonbeam, since DarkKnight has a show and TheEngineer can only see me Friday.

Let’s see…he was really clear about what he is looking for and how he likes his poly to operate. He has a long-term FWB sort of comet partner that lives in a distant state that he sees twice a year or so. Other than that he is dating and single. He says that he has switched between monogamy and polyamory at different times in his adult life, and he’s comfortable with either. This is a flag for me, ngl. He was really clear that he’s never left a poly relationship to be monogamous though. Just that if he’s only seeing one person and they want monogamy, he’s been comfortable doing that while the relationship lasted.

He’s the same age as me and lives alone. His place is an hour away which is *almost* another flag for me, but that’s acceptable - an hour is my preferred max. He’s adopting a cat soon - his one passed away before the holidays and he’s ready to get another.

Ummm what else? We had a solid connection on lots of topics and it was fun getting to know him. He was vulnerable with me about his two divorces and talked about recent failed dating partners. His most recent breakup was with a woman an hour and a half away, that he’d drive to and get a hotel, but she would show up hours late, and didn’t let any of her friends or family know that he existed. He asked me point blank if he’d be visible in my social media and in my life - he knows he doesn’t want to be a secret ever again. I explained about MisterMoonbeam’s secrecy with his parents, but let him know that we are out to everyone, everywhere, otherwise. So he was glad of that.

I want to add that it was interesting talking with him because lots of times he would pause on a thought and I would anticipate what he was going to say, and I was absolutely wrong in my head with what his response actually was. I found that refreshing!

I sent a message to my doctor this morning and they already responded, so I can go get STD testing any time. I might go this afternoon, actually. It’s been a few months since I last had sex with SirGawain, and I think two since I started seeing TheEngineer, so the timing works. I definitely want to keep up to date on myself. MisterMoonbeam didn’t connect with his most recent dating partner, so his tests are still current since last June.

I talked a little bit about testing last night with this new guy, but nothing too specific. He’s already been chatting with me today so I might bring it up this afternoon in more detail.

I had more NRE last night and a LOT more after the date. He is a good kisser. He was shaking a little when he first kissed me, which was endearing, but then when we pulled away, he gave me a grin and then went for it with more enthusiasm and tongue. I would definitely welcome more kisses from him.

 

[Bluebird]

Home alone today and I have the worst abdominal pain. I woke up at 8 am after a nightmare and my cramps are just pervasive and intense. I went out to the sunroom for my regular breakfast (Atkins shake, Kind bar & .25 of a banana) and tried to figure out how to function today. I then got up, dumped some water into a cat fountain that was cycling, and measured a corset I am trying to sell - someone online had questions.

TheEngineer messaged me wanting to hang out today but I told him I’m really not up for much. He said it’s cool, so he’s going to come over later and take me to Home Depot for some bins I need. I really need to get my Christmas tree down but I’ve been stuck since I need a place to put the ornaments once they come off of the tree! So this will be helpful.

I just hope this pain subsides. This isn’t fun.

 

[Bluebird]

Yesterday ended up being nice! TheEngineer came over and he was super sweet to me. I treated him to lunch, and he took me to Home Depot to buy a right angled screwdriver and the bins I needed to finish taking down my Christmas decorations!

Then he fixed my front doorknob and assisted me with feeding the birds and critters outside. And then he went onto my deck and dumped the water off the top of my pergola canopy. I was like, dude - you’re doing too much! We spent the rest of his time with me snuggled up on the loveseat and kissing. He told me that he’s wanting to be there for me during my health crisis, as we did talk about him and I taking a break until things pass. He’s like, nope - I got you! We did talk a little about what that support would look like.

I’m supposed to have dinner with him tonight in Frederick before my Wicca class, but MisterMoonbeam got called into the office, so depending on when he gets home from Dulles, it might be too late for a meet up. However, TheEngineer is going to see a theater show (DarkKnight is in Bonnie & Clyde!) on Friday with me, and we’ll have a sleepover then.

We did discuss the fact that sex is sometimes painful for me now and he made me feel zero pressure in that regard. I offered him my butt and he was very receptive to that idea being possible on Friday night! Sweet!

On the way out yesterday, he talked about how is wife is excited about coming to another game night. We will see!

 

[Bluebird]

Today is going to be full of lots of little nonsense stuff. It’s a catch-all day!

I dropped DarkKnight off at work so I could keep the van. MisterMoonbeam is in Dulles again, so he has the car! I’ve already got my STD testing out of the way this morning, and I have a lunch date set up with a lady friend.

 

[Bluebird]

So today ended up a little up and down for me. I got some STD results back right away (all negative) and then I got some not so good results. Apparently my doc had slipped in a blood panel a while back and I had forgotten about it. Everything was dead center normal except for a few numbers, and y’all - they freaking called me!

That alone was scary. But they were like, yeah so, you have a few things on your panel that you need to talk to the oncologist about on Monday. (Apparently they don’t share the app since he’s based in Baltimore.)

I have some numbers that are elevated, but not terribly so. They said they wouldn’t normally even mention them, they’d usually make a note to keep an eye on them and move along. But because they’re already got concerns on my chart, these are things that I need to share with the specialist.

They really aren’t high at all - like the normal for “neutrophil absolute” is 1.8-6.4 and mine is 6.44. Like what in the hell? lol But, these things are only concerning because they’re slightly jussssst out of range, but also because the app shows my last two previous blood tests - and when looking at those on earlier occasions, my score was a 2. And allll of the tests that hit dead center normal, well, previously they were also normal, but left of what they are now. So I’ve got some shifts going on.

So, as they said, nothing they normally would shake a stick at, but something I should mention to the oncologist, because the ones that are elevated do get that way because of cancer. They told me to not be overly concerned though because stress could affect these, or my diabetes, or my anti-inflammatory stuff and it’s not a cause for any sort of panic because of all of that.

Okay, yeah, great.

So not really what I want to think about though. I’m glad my appointment is on Monday!

 

[Bluebird]

I am no longer seeing this last dude from OKC. I shut down my account last week and we had one really good date on Sunday and then communication just kind of dropped off. I messaged him last night to say, uh, are we done then? and he was like, yeah sorry, not thinking it’s gonna work out with everything. Which is valid. I’m totally okay with it, and I am now on a dating hiatus for the foreseeable future.

I’m looking forward to seeing TheEngineer tomorrow. Our date last night got canceled because MisterMoonbeam didn’t get home til too late with the car. I had some massive cramping and I was exhausted, so I called out of my Wicca class too. It was the right choice, because then the bye from the new guy happened and I was happy to snuggle up in my bed the rest of the evening!

MisterMoonbeam brought home pizza and subs and we started watching a show called The Traitors. We binged that til midnight and got about halfway through. I think it’s stupid, but damn I wanna keep watching it! I wanted him to call off of work so we could watch it today but of course that’s dumb so he’s working now. Lol

It’s February 1 and my tree is still up. Ugh. I told MisterMoonbeam this morning that it’s coming down tonight! It’s almost naked but I need someone to be home to spot me when I remove the flowers and ornaments at the crown. I’m not climbing 12 feet high and then falling with no one to call 911.



I honestly have no idea what to do with this room after the tree is removed. I guess I will move some of the plants back in but I really need to figure out furniture. I’m going to take some pics of the empty space and see if some decorating pages can help! We definitely need to finish hanging up the cat highway on the opposite wall, but DarkKnight and MisterMoonbeam need to work on that together for it, and DarkKnight won’t be home in the evenings for quite a while, since he has two shows right now that he’s working on. Here’s one of his “townsfolk” looks for Bonnie & Clyde.



OMG my guys are so good looking. I wish DarkKnight was home right now - I would squeeze him!

Today I have two corsets to box up and mail out, and I need to file taxes for DarkKnight. Looking outside, it’s not so bad today, weather-wise ! I’m going to fill the bird feeders and probably pull stuff out of the garage a bit to make room for the Christmas tree…yeah that might be a bit ambitious. Bird feeders for sure, and laundry. Actually, I ordered a bunch of stuff for our empty room and it all arrives today, so I need to get things set up for a new bed, desk and chair in there.

Pictures from yesterday morning, since I haven’t posted any this week.

 

[Bluebird]

Of course after writing this I spent an hour cleaning in MisterMoonbeam’s room. I remembered last night our blind kitty, Poppy, had puked on his comforter. I went to strip the bed and she had puked again this morning. So I stripped the entire bed, and then emptied the litter and scrubbed up more puke that I found. Poor baby girl!

I emptied the garbage in there and then hung up a basket of laundry, started the dirty bedding in the wash, and now I’m back on the couch. I also took a second to pop into DarkKnight’s bedroom and empty that litter there. Our cat Lenny has been sequestered in that space the last few days due to peeing in the sunroom. He’s been upset at another cat, Milton. Things seem to have calmed down now that they’re separated.

Anyway, I ordered a case of Hill’s Science diet wet food, and a bag of dry just for Poppy. I hope that helps her. I’ve been thinking she’s just been suffering from hairballs, but even though this stuff is expensive, it’s worth a try to see if it helps. Since I am sorting out the foster kitty stash of stuff later, I’m going to look for some hairball remedy there. I’m pretty sure we already own some of that. I did also buy some new litter mats for 3 of the 7 boxes in the house.

I opened up a window in my sunroom because it’s supposed to be in the 50s today, and that’s improved my mood. My pain has decreased, but it’s still there kinda. I’m going to relax on the loveseat with Milton for a while, until MisterMoonbeam comes up to feed the cats and order us some lunch.

 

[Bluebird]

I guess I am on a roll today! I refilled all the bird feeders, and as of right now all of MisterMoonbeam’s bedding is washed and dried. I also emptied out and sorted all of the random foster kitty storage stuff in our spare room, and now it’s ready to be swiffered, once I find the cleaning pads! I ordered furniture and it’s mostly all arrived. I can assemble it until the floor is clean though, so I’m going to look for the pads in the basket of clean laundry currently waiting for attention! I really want to get the room as finished as I can today. The desk and chair (for my little bill-paying area I’m creating in there) arrives tomorrow, but the bed frame and mattress and all of the bedding has already been delivered.

 

[Bluebird]

So today has been eventful.

My Christmas tree is finally down and MisterMoonbeam took the items that I had piled up to the dump, and then when he got back, he took another whole van-load to a donation drop point. In the meantime, I got 5 boxes of art into the house and out of the garage, as well as the two Christmas tree boxes which had started off the whole production. Lol

I’ve been doing the wash all day - I needed to clean my blankets and comforter and sheets in preparation for my overnight with TheEngineer. I did my budgeting for the week/start of the month. We have enough so he can buy a new suit for our wedding tomorrow.

Right before lunch I got a call from the oncologist office, for like prescreening questions. When I told her I was switching insurance, she told me to be sure to mention that to the surgery scheduled on Monday, as they need to call to get preauthorization. This was sort of a shock to me, because I had completely forgotten about that part of things. Like, if I get married on Beltane - how long does the pre-auth process take for something like a hysterectomy? Is it a month? Like is that going to push my procedure too far into the future? Fuck.

Then while doing budgeting, I got an actual phone call from TheEngineer. He’s canceling our date and he’s very sort of frantic and upset-sounding. He said his wife is having some mental health issues and she’s going to see a therapist on Monday. He didn't elaborate, but I immediately did jump to it being poly-related.

Which is worrisome. But it makes sense to me - they’re newly open, they’ve already made a rule that we only get one overnight a month, and now that it’s scheduled for tonight, she’s freaking out. Sigh.

I could be wrong but I am thinking not. I know he said that she has broken up with her earlier poly partners but she is now seeing someone closer to where they live. Idk. He’s sounded really upset and he apologized profusely.

To be fair I wasn’t terribly upset. I haven’t had time to clean the rest of my bedroom suite yet, and I haven’t even showered. I told him to just be there for her and we can text and talk more later.

Then I popped out to check the mail - and there are two envelopes from the court, one for me and one for DarkKnight. Yep. We now have a divorce date. April 9. Only, it’s a telephone call-in hearing. Since we are in agreement on everything, we can just call it in, and it’s only scheduled for 15 minutes.

Almost 20 years and it only takes up to 15 minutes? That just seems so wrong. This all feels so wrong.

I am VERY happy that we have a date that doesn’t conflict with anything in the schedule though, and I’m glad that we will have one more official anniversary. A last hurrah! We’re still going to celebrate every year the same date though. He’s still my husband - fuck the government.

Also, April 9 works for a divorce when scheduling a Beltane wedding. So there’s that.

 

[ref2018]

I hope Mr. Moonbeam's insurance doesn't reject your hysterectomy (and other medical procedures) due to it being a "pre-existing condition".

 

[Bluebird]

I hope Mr. Moonbeam's insurance doesn't reject your hysterectomy (and other medical procedures) due to it being a "pre-existing condition".

That’s one of the things the Affordable Care Act abolished. Insurers can’t deny coverage or charge more for something like this.

MisterMoonbeam talked to someone in HR already as well, and they assured him that I would be covered. He works for an amazing company - they also let him know he would be eligible for FMLA to take off for my surgery and recovery.

 

[ref2018]

That's good to know.

 

[Bluebird]

That's good to know.

Also, I’m still uncertain about pushing the hysterectomy out that far. The oncologist appointment on Monday will clear that up - if I’m even allowed to wait that long. We’ve definitely all agreed that if it comes to it, we’ll pay the $8000 out of pocket max and do the surgery under DarkKnight’s insurance. Right now that is a concern, but the ongoing diabetes medications that aren’t covered no matter what ($1000/month) are the real catalyst for this nonsense.

Which I guess in the past would have also fallen under a pre-existing condition!

 

[Bluebird]

I bought this tshirt.

 

[Bluebird]

I sorted through two artwork moving boxes this morning. There were a lot of frames with old family photos that belonged to MisterMoonbeam and his late wife. He went through them with me and ended up donating all of them after I pulled out the pictures and put them in a photo box to be sorted later. There were two pieces of Marvel superhero artwork - one that will go into our spare bedroom and the other to be donated. There was also some early 2000s big box store floral artwork pieces that will be gone from here soon. The big thing coming out is a large framed painting that MisterMoonbeam’s late wife bought at an art show of a fairy goddess. Not my esthetic at all. MisterMoonbeam said he did not want it, but suggested offering it to his metamour, who was with them when they bought it. So, I sent a message which was answered very quickly in the affirmative. Yay!

I ordered a new Echo Dot so the spare room will be connected to our home network, so DarkKnight set that up this morning after breakfast. He’s leaving soon for his American Idiot Practice, and then tonight he has his show again. I went to see it last night and Bonnie & Clyde was very good! MisterMoonbeam came with me since TheEngineer canceled last minute.

I received a lot of messages from TheEngineer, again apologizing for canceling. I’m still not upset; I’m just tired. I don’t have the energy to deal with new poly people struggles right now. I like him a lot, but if his wife doesn’t sort her stuff out, I will bail on this relationship. I’m apt to give her a lot of grace normally, but right now I don’t have the spoons. My relationships need to be easy at the moment. I just can’t handle anything else.

I’m going to go get dressed now and then head out to the UPS store. I have a corset and a skirt that I traded to different people, and they’re waiting for the shipping confirmation! After that, MisterMoonbeam and I have a lunch date at 5Guys planned, as it’s right next to where he plans to buy his navy suit for the wedding. He’s going to get that order done today.

Right now MisterMoonbeam is putting together the desk and chair for the spare bedroom. All of the bedding has arrived, including the mattress cover that I forgot to buy at first and then overnighted yesterday so it was on the doorstep this morning!