Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

[Magdlyn]

I didn't mean to downplay your possible pain. I just meant, you won't be on "bed rest," per se. The only time I hear about bed rest is for moms having early labor, especially with twins or multiples.

But on second thought, you were referring to your cars, so maybe, specifically, you were thinking about not being able to drive. Yeah, after my abdominal surgeries, I wasn't allowed to drive for 4 weeks, or lift anything over the weight of a gallon of milk, etc.

Yes, you will be in pain. Ugh. I am sorry. Take those pain meds.

 

[Bluebird]

I didn't mean to downplay your possible pain. I just meant, you won't be on "bed rest," per se. The only time I hear about bed rest is for moms having early labor, especially with twins or multiples.

But on second thought, you were referring to your cars, so maybe, specifically, you were thinking about not being able to drive. Yeah, after my abdominal surgeries, I wasn't allowed to drive for 4 weeks, or lift anything over the weight of a gallon of milk, etc.

Yes, you will be in pain. Ugh. I am sorry. Take those pain meds.

Actually, I was told I would be on bed rest. Like flat. Sitting up would be massively painful and not possible for a while. The surgeon straight up told me that part! I will have staples all the way across my lower abdomen. He says it’s not the typical 5-6 inch scar. It’s larger, and it will sever a lot of muscle, I guess. I do think I will be tasked with walking some each day though.

I didn’t feel like you were downplaying anything. Honestly, I am hoping it’s much much less than what I have been told to expect!

 

[SEASONEDpolyAgain]

Something in my gut says you shouldn't tell authorities that you're divorcing and marrying someone else for what they'll see as financial gain (because healthcare is a privilege in the US). I think it might be fraudulent.

Also, if cancer is a real concern of the gynae, I'd want that addressed ASAP.

 

[Bluebird]

Something in my gut says you shouldn't tell authorities that you're divorcing and marrying someone else for what they'll see as financial gain (because healthcare is a privilege in the US). I think it might be fraudulent.

Also, if cancer is a real concern of the gynae, I'd want that addressed ASAP.

Loads of people get married for health benefits and/or financial gain. In my mind, my divorce is the fraud. I would marry MisterMoonbeam for love in an instant if it were legal. I’m not mentioning a damn thing though. I don’t want any complications. I’m legally divorcing and then legally marrying.

It is a real concern. The surgeon said several times it was serious. He told me to move the wedding date up from May because he felt a June surgery was too far away. When I told him I could possibly move it up several weeks he told me I should. So I am.

 

[Brazen]

Hi Bluebird. I am so sorry you are going through this. My heart goes out to you. I love reading your blog and I'm sorry to post on it. I am not sure this will help at all but my 60plus old aunt has recently had abdo surgery (in Europe but not UK) for gyne cancer. She was tested throughly before any surgery to determine whether it was cancerous. Then chemo. Then surgery, removing everything (all of her gyne organs). Then chemo again.

I agree with Seasoned. It might be worth investigating further tests if cancer is a concern. I really am not trying to scare. This is anecdotal and is unlikely to have any relationship to your issues but if its possible to test it may put your mind at rest xx

Also re bed rest as far as I know she had a week ish but walking in hospital then told to move as much as was comfortable to help the blood to circulate and heal her wounds. She was driving...wasn't supposed to but hey... after 4 weeks.

Again I am so sorry for all you are having to bear. I can not imagine having to legal change status to have healthcare. Our NHS has many issues but I don't have to be legally connected to someone to get care

Look after yourself xxx

 

[Bluebird]

Hi Bluebird. I am so sorry you are going through this. My heart goes out to you. I love reading your blog and I'm sorry to post on it. I am not sure this will help at all but my 60plus old aunt has recently had abdo surgery (in Europe but not UK) for gyne cancer. She was tested throughly before any surgery to determine whether it was cancerous. Then chemo. Then surgery, removing everything (all of her gyne organs). Then chemo again.

I agree with Seasoned. It might be worth investigating further tests if cancer is a concern. I really am not trying to scare. This is anecdotal and is unlikely to have any relationship to your issues but if its possible to test it may put your mind at rest xx

Also re bed rest as far as I know she had a week ish but walking in hospital then told to move as much as was comfortable to help the blood to circulate and heal her wounds. She was driving...wasn't supposed to but hey... after 4 weeks.

Again I am so sorry for all you are having to bear. I can not imagine having to legal change status to have healthcare. Our NHS has many issues but I don't have to be legally connected to someone to get care

Look after yourself xxx

I’m surprised the oncologist in my case didn’t want more testing, but I guess the general consensus is that it doesn’t matter if it’s cancerous or not at this point. They’re taking it all. I have blood tests that are inconclusive, as they show slight elevations but a clear upward trend. The radiologist said they were just fibroids but then my gyno disagreed and the oncologist said it’s inconclusive and impossible to tell, but he thinks it is.

They won’t do chemo first in any case with my auto-immune and auto-inflammatory issues. The course of action would be as planned - surgery, healing and then chemo if warranted.

I feel okay with everything. I alternate being calm and feeling okay with everything - what will be, will be - to freaking out that I’m going to die and leave these guys unprepared and alone. I’m not even scared of dying, just dying in pain. Again, I’m not wanting to die at all but I have always had a sort of feeling that it’s just another stage of life.

 

[MeeraReed]

I have a friend who survived Stage 4 colon cancer and is now totally well and cancer-free.

She did have to have major abdominal surgery to remove the mass...and I believe was on strict bed rest with no ability to sit up without help due to the incision...and then she had chemo for 6 months...so it was a lot of recovery time. Which sucked. But the end result was excellent.

And now she is fine, cancer-free, and has sold her book series to publisher. (Sci-fi book series, not about her cancer).

 

[Bluebird]

I have a friend who survived Stage 4 colon cancer and is now totally well and cancer-free.

She did have to have major abdominal surgery to remove the mass...and I believe was on strict bed rest with no ability to sit up without help due to the incision...and then she had chemo for 6 months...so it was a lot of recovery time. Which sucked. But the end result was excellent.

And now she is fine, cancer-free, and has sold her book series to publisher. (Sci-fi book series, not about her cancer).

Thanks for sharing that story. It’s definitely helpful to hear positive outcomes.

 

[Bluebird]

It’s gorgeous out today and I want to go hiking. Unfortunately, just showering and dressing made me exhausted. I don’t like this.

 

[commissar1969]

I don't log in to the site very often anymore but usually when I do I spend a little time catching up on your blog.
Wanted to mention you're coming up on the 10th anniversary of the start of it, and I've been lurking since the beginning reading a lot of it - especially where the relationship journies you're on are talked about. From my perspective, the little things are just as important as big life events, and what makes your blog special to me is that you take the time to talk about those little things happening and small moments which come up. It does help paint a vivid picture of life in the Bluebird world!

It's not always good news, but even when it isn't you've shown yourself to be candid, decent, vulnerable and resilient. For all of it, I'm confident more people than myself are grateful you've kept at it. Thank you!

I'm new to the site and am trying to find Bluebird's log but can't find the link. Do I need to request an invite or something? Sorry for the newbie questions. Thanks in advance! -

 

[Bluebird]

I'm new to the site and am trying to find Bluebird's log but can't find the link. Do I need to request an invite or something? Sorry for the newbie questions. Thanks in advance! -

This is it. You’re posting on it. lol This is my journal - some people use the terms journal and blog interchangeably.

I don’t think I could manage an official blog. I feel like that requires a certain level of authority on topics. I can speak as to what works for me - and what hasn’t. I don’t consider myself an expert on anything at all but me.

Feel free to ask whatever you’d like though, newbie or not.

 

[Bluebird]

So I regained some energy in the afternoon and I spent two hours sorting through junk in the garage. I wish I had taken a photo of the after, but here’s the before:



I might have shared this pic a short while ago. It was my latest attempt (before today) at collecting some stuff to donate. That stuff in the driveway is long gone, but I wanted to share the pic to show the basic status of the garage overall. It’s crazypants, no matter how much I pull out of there!

Today I emptied out the entire middle section of random bins and when I finished, MisterMoonbeam loaded the van for a trip to the dump tomorrow. I also had a huge amount to donate - about the same amount pictured here - which he crammed into the car when DarkKnight got home from work. It’s already dropped off at Goodwill. Whoo hoo!

I have like 4-5 boxes and bins of stamps and ink that are now filling the middle section, all belonging to MisterMoonbeam’s late wife. I have someone interested in buying it all, but we know there’s more in the garage buried, so I will continue to pile it up for now!

I feel like I am on a roll with getting stuff sorted out in this space, finally. However, it’s supposed to rain tomorrow so that momentum will be over. lol It’s my goal to get it decent so we can park a car inside before I have my surgery. I don’t know how realistic that is, but we will see!

I didn’t accomplish much else today. I filled up the birdfeeders and I finally tried on both of the new bathing suits I bought for Mythicon, and they look good! I’m excited. I packed a set of sandals that go with both suits, and a long white coverup. That’s about all I have ready to go for next weekend - since it’s raining tomorrow, I’m going to focus a part of my day on making sure I have outfits for all 5 events (3 days of the con and 2 dances), and matching up MisterMoonbeam’s garb with those as well.

I’m not sure if I shared any pictures of that stuff previously - probably not, since I just tried things on quick while I was trading and pieces arrived. If I did, enjoy them again. Fair warning, I am not wearing makeup in any of these!





There are more pieces to all three of these outfits, and I am very excited to get them all put together.

 

[Bluebird]

I spent two hours this afternoon sorting out the back shed area of our garage. Someone slapped up a partition wall to divide the space at some point in the past, which is honestly helpful. Anyway, this area has been a huge fucking disaster since we moved. Here’s a before and after photo series though, with the before photos on the top and a similar view on the bottom, of what the space looked like afterward.



It was not my intention to do this today. I don’t even know why I went out there, to be honest. But MisterMoonbeam was amiable to taking two entire van loads to the dump for me, while I sorted and organized. I want to buy a heavy duty rolling storage cart that costs $300 on Amazon to better store the fire pit chairs. I don’t like them on the floor. We have 6 folding chairs and 8 camp chairs for guests!

Here’s my birdseed, all in galvanized cans on the left, and my potting stuff on the right. I’m itching to get to repotting all of the plants in my house but that isn’t happening right now. lol


Also a future Bluebird problem - matching tub lids to their respective bins. Not today!


I did this instead of packing for my Mythicon trip. Also, my newest Stitch Fix box has arrived. I’m avoiding this. Why? It’s something I love! I am thinking it’s my body dysmorphia. I’m now at exactly 200 lbs. I’ve lost 21 pounds since September and I’m in a size 14, heading for a 12. I know I look good, but I don’t feel like me. Also, when I press on my abdomen, I can feel some of the fibroids/cancer masses. It’s disconcerting and uh, terrifying. So I am avoiding clothing right now. Maybe I will do it after dinner.

DarkKnight had practice this morning and is taking a nap right now. When he wakes up, he will be headed to his evening performance. So it will be me with MisterMoonbeam again tonight. That actually works, since MisterMoonbeam needs to match his garb with mine.

 

[Bluebird]

I am not in a good headspace today. Last night was not much better. We hosted D&D and I don’t know, I completely collapsed emotionally afterward. Usually I am boosted by people, but last night I did not feel recharged. Am I losing my extroverted self? I felt confused and sad.

I woke up feeling down this morning and I have been in bed for a couple of hours. I have therapy at 11:30. I am going to get dressed and eat and hopefully that will help. I need to do some budgeting and go to the vet to pick up medication for our cat Albus. (It’s a refill for the regular maintenance drug for his life-long breathing condition.) I was thinking of going to Lowe’s and picking up some sand for repotting succulents, but I am not motivated right now for that. I will shower later tonight - I don’t want to be out in the chill with wet hair.

I feel so depressed today.

 

[Bluebird]

Yesterday was definitely a down sort of day. I had therapy and that went okay. She’s out of office all next week so I made an appointment for the following week. The year is just going so fast! She had positive things to say to me and had me talking about and exploring my relationship with MisterMoonbeam.

I ended up taking the car for an oil change, and they wanted me to get a transmission flush. Apparently it needed done at 90,000 miles and we were at 94,000. So I did. That’s crazy though - the mileage. I bought this car with less than 50 miles on it in 2019! There was a cranky old lady waiting for her vehicle and she talked to me the whole time. She made me be positive because she was just being persnickety and complaining about things that weren’t an issue - she saw a clerk leaning against a wall, her paperwork was taking too long, etc. Her entire wait for her oil change was less than 30 minutes at a dealership. What the heck? Lol

Afterward I finally made it over to pick up the medicine for Albus. It needed up being free since I had a credit on the account. So that was nice! Then I finally picked up lunch for myself and MisterMoonbeam. He was in a funk and was very out of sorts as well.

Both the guys had plans for the evening - MisterMoonbeam had photography class and DarkKnight had rehearsal - so I went to bed and watched a movie called Meet Cute. It ended up being a time travel movie, which was very unexpected. Once I finished that and spent some time on the internet, MisterMoonbeam was home and his mood was much improved - I asked him if he had become an extrovert, as going out and being with other people had seemed to energize him! He assured me this was not the case. Lol

I really did have a down day, personally. I thought about death a lot and being afraid of surgery.

Today I woke up to a ton of snow. MisterMoonbeam messaged me from Boonsboro - he was supposed to be driving into Dulles today but nothing was plowed and he was going to turn around and come back home. At the same time, DarkKnight came into my room to tell me he was working from home today. I immediately messaged TheEngineer, as today was supposed to be for us to celebrate Valentine’s Day, and now instead his 4 kids were all home from school. Gah!



I cleared off the feeders and put out some more bird seed - we were soon full up with birds and squirrels wanting breakfast! Then the power went out and it still isn’t on right now!

I then went back to bed after eating some yogurt & fruit. When I woke up I asked DarkKnight to bring me the safe, and I checked to make sure I had all of the paperwork needed to get married. I messaged MisterMoonbeam and he said he would look for his birth certificate in a bit.

He hasn’t found out yet about the dates he will be in Arizona, but we are both a little nervous about it getting shifted to April. If that happens we will need to get a marriage license there - we are both okay with doing that if we have to! So I read some stuff online about that.

 

[Bluebird]

Happy Valentine’s Day! DarkKnight and I went out for high tea yesterday together to celebrate. MisterMoonbeam and I are going to Mythicon this weekend as a getaway gift.

 

[Bluebird]

Today is not a good one for me. I didn’t really want to get out of bed, so I didn’t. I have plans - at some point - to go get a pedicure and to wash the car. After a bit I felt terrible staying in the bedroom all morning, so I got up and took a shower and put on a pair of jeans and a tshirt and an oversized rainbow cardigan. Now I’m on a loveseat in the atrium.

I decided not to go wash the car because it’s supposed to rain today, apparently. The inside of the car really needs vacuumed and wiped down before I leave on the trip tomorrow, but I have no energy. I just checked my weather app and it says rain in the evening so maybe I should go get the car done. Idk.

Welllll MisterMoonbeam just came upstairs and now we are going to go out to lunch before his therapy appointment. He gave me a big hug and I started tearing up. So he started talking about the birds outside, distracting me from my emotions and then I had to laugh because when I pointed it out, he said it wasn’t on purpose.

So I guess the plan is now to leave for lunch a little before noon, and then I will drop him off at therapy at 12:45, and then make a run to Lowe’s for sand or whatever they have for repotting succulents. Then I can pick him up after, drop him at home, and then go get my pedicure and wash the car.

I still don’t have much motivation to put on makeup. I think I might just go bare in spite of going all over town later.

 

[Magdlyn]

Your pictures are always so nice. We've seen so many "wench" cosplay looks lately, it's nice to see you in something normal and contemporary for once!

Fuck the makeup. I can't wait til you get those goddamned fibroids resolved.

I just realized I need more pix of your cats lounging in puddles of sunlight in your atrium!

 

[Bluebird]

Your pictures are always so nice. We've seen so many "wench" cosplay looks lately, it's nice to see you in something normal and contemporary for once!

Fuck the makeup. I can't wait til you get those goddamned fibroids resolved.

I just realized I need more pix of your cats lounging in puddles of sunlight in your atrium!

I actually stopped taking my “picture of the day” as more and more I am just too tired to make an effort. I’m trying but it became more of a shame thing where I felt bad for not taking a photo. I don’t need that sort of negativity from myself! But honestly, I figured it would be better to get out of the habit because I’m about to be all up in pajamas and mumus for a few months!

Here’s Milton, with his tail in the sun.

 

[Bluebird]

Day 1 of Mythicon with MisterMoonbeam





Sea Mobster’s Ball