Getting a grip while riding the waves

T

ThisIsWater2

New member
Hello!

I've been married to the most amazing man in a monogamous relationship for 12 years and have 2 beautiful children. I had never heard the term polyamory until about a year ago when a friend shared with me that she and her husband were polyamorous. Long story short, her husband and I began to explore a poly relationship, with the consent and communication of both our spouses, and that's where we've been for about a year now. My lovers wife and my husband (while not in a sexual relationship) are good friends and both are supportive. She has been in couple of other poly relationships that have been complicated and haven't really ended well. #LearningTheHardWay

My secondary (for lack of a better term) that I share an emotional loving connection as well as a physical relationship with, shared with me that he recently had a purely sexual encounter which is causing some current conflict for me because I'm not sure where I fall with my feelings on the polyamorous vs. polyfuckery continuum. We recognized that we failed to adequately communicate on this in advance so I'm not angry about it but at the same time, I'm realizing that his poly may not be my poly and while I believe that's okay in general I'm not sure it's within my personal boundaries and beliefs -which is a little scary and sad.

So, I decided to join this group to connect with like minded folks that I can ask questions from openly and seek advice. Looking to explore this brave new world and learn all that I can.
 
Welcome! I'm sure Kevin will be along shortly to greet you properly ...

Poly requires very good communication. It's very difficult to cover all possible scenarios in advance, though (if you can even anticipate what may arise), so there will be some surprises and issues, as you've discovered. Now that you know of it, you can discuss it with him and tell him your thoughts and feelings. You can figure out together how - and if - you can handle this and similar situations in the future, if at all. Maybe you can reach some general principles of behavior and communication to avoid future concerns. You may have different views and expectations, and will either find a compromise, agree to disagree, or go your own ways because of it.

In our relationship, we look for potential poly partners, but it is often difficult to find compatible people for anything lasting. We also enjoy casual sex, so are not opposed to pursuing that as well, either via open relationship or swinging. Our views on that may not coincide with yours or your situation, and we will probably adapt or change our views depending on who we meet and what works for them and us.
 
Greetings ThisIsWater2,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

We're here to help ... Let us know what your questions are. I hope you won't have to break up with your secondary, but, sometimes these things do happen. You'll have to see if your relationship preferences are compatible enough to stay together.

Glad you could join us in any case.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
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