Giving your partner the time needed for the new relationship.

[XTremeMeow]

Has anyone been in this situation? When you encourage your partner to finally confess his/her feelings towards the person they have been crushing on for the last few months? And then enourage her to spend more time with the new partner than with yourself, because you want their relationship to florish? So, your partner starts spending hours every day with the new partner, then days, then weeks. Then your partner asked if she/he can go away for a few days on holiday, just the two of them. And all you can feel is just excitement for them? And when they have sex in your living room, you just admire the new couple without bothering them? Preparing some snacks and drinks, giving them more energy for the next round?

Sometimes your partner, while you two are enjoying a nice cup of coffee, would tell you all about her new partner, how amazing their relationship is, and so on?

Well, sometimes this can be tricky because you need to remind your partner that you two still have a relationship. And you can remind this by spending time, chatting, maybe making out before your partner meets with his/her partner. Before going on a holiday you two have incredible sex, showing your partner to never forget what they are missing, and so on.

I personally enjoy when my partner comes home exhausted, but really happy because of the amazing day she had with her new partner. The smile on her face, the red in her cheeks tells me everything I know. And this turns me on.

What about you guys? Have you ever been in such situation?

 

[LaminarFlow]

The word you're looking for is "compersion."

Yes, I'm happy for all my partners whatever they want to do with their loved ones. But personally I don't want or need to be up in all their business 24/7. But that's because I love my solitude and I have multiple dyads to tend to.

 

[XTremeMeow]

The word you're looking for is "compersion."

Yes, I'm happy for all my partners whatever they want to do with their loved ones. But personally I don't want or need to be up in all their business 24/7. But that's because I love my solitude and I have multiple dyads to tend to.

Thank you so much for your reply. Yes, i feel the same way. When it comes to a poly relationship, each one of us should be concentrating on their own time, not bothering the other one.

 

[kdt26417]

Hi XTreme,

Jealousy isn't a problem for me, I've had some in the past, but it's been many years since then. I'm pretty good at spending time by myself, so if Snowbunny (my partner) wants to spend time with Brother-Husband (my metamour), I am happy to have her do that and she has my blessing.

Regards,
Kevin T.

 

[nks]

I was in an FMF relationship with A and B. When we broke up due to distance, I kept dating one of the girls (A) long distance for a short while mono, then to her request in an open relationship. And sometimes we talked all three of us as friends. A knew the other, B, and me were in love and was permissive about that. I also talked with B, who was very open about her desires and her quest to find a bf/husband. She was clear about her complex emotions with me and A, but she treated it as some youthful diversion and wanted a "normal" marriage.

I loved the compersion and I gave her a lot of advice. I felt happy when she met someone on a date. She sent me pictures of her dresses and told me about her sex life in detail. I loved to discuss these things openly. She also reassured me that I am very important to her.

A, however, was secretive and even though she did talk about other relationships (her meeting her ex, lesbian attractions and others - I did feel happy for her), we had a more rough relationship despite dating each other. I felt neglected and had to feel that she is just moving away. I was happy that she found love, but her treatment of me was not too considerate.

With B, it was much more natural, and she treated me well, despite the distance and the quest for new emotions. Once B found a bf, I was very happy for her. Their relationship was supposed to be mono. She wanted it, but she kept talking to me about him after she found out he was cheating. I knew they would be better off with an open relationship, because the guy clearly had a long-term sexual partner (he wanted a dominant woman in bed and B was more of a submissive type), but she wanted mono. They got married and me and B transitioned to be only friends. I also got into a mono relationship, so we cooled things down. (I also broke up with A before all this, who found a mono husband too).

So, yes, I loved the compersion, but the key is that the relationship lasts. I don't want to be neglected or moved away from. I would like to keep my partner's attention. It was very difficult with A. And, once we lost the deep connection with B, I also suffered, but I knew she cared about me. She just prioritized her marriage for the sake of being "normal". We still talked, but no longer about issues of the heart, or sexual desires. We had our mono relationships to fall back on, but at first, it was difficult for me. Transitioning to mono is not easy. And compersion is something I really miss... and the security to know that now matter how much she dates, loves, or has sex, she still cares about me (like B).