TheFreeMind
New member
I've been lurking around this board for several months and have found it to be an incredible resource. This forum seems to be a gathering place for so many people with a genuine interest in helping others navigate polyamorous relationships and the challenges inherent in making them work.
My wife and I have been married over ten years, together more than twenty. We opened up our relationship almost two years ago so that she could pursue a relationship with a woman that she had developed feelings for. When she and I married I was well aware of her past relationships with women, but my initial reaction to her request to open our marriage was one of shock. I immediately turned to Herr Doctor Google for advice and stumbled upon several websites. Yes, of course Franklin Veaux's site was one of the first I encountered.
I went through a lot of research and reflection, and my wife and I had many long hours of blunt, often uncomfortable but ultimately productive, conversation. There were two things that helped to make this transition possible, at least for me.
First, the realization that I loved my wife so much that I could not deny her the pursuit of this relationship, even if it meant the eventual dissolution of our own. My thinking was then, and continues to be, that part of being married is supporting your spouse in expressing and fulfilling their total personhood. My wife's bisexuality is an essential part of who she is. I also thought that if I don't "allow" her to do this, then we'd both be living a lie. I would rather open the marriage and either let it survive or not, rather than having it slowly stagnate. In that way, I thought we both may experience some more immediate pain, but in the end we'd be happier and more fulfilled, just not with each other.
Second, the woman she was interested in, who was also interested in her, insisted that they not pursue any kind of more intimate relationship without my knowledge and approval. This was my first introduction to the idea of polyamory, and once I began my research and reflection it started to really resonate with me. GF's insistence on transparency and honesty made it possible for me to get to a point where I was not only comfortable with the idea of my wife pursuing this relationship, but really wanted it for her.
There have been bumps along the metaphorical road, of course, and there continue to be occasional issues that need addressing. However, constant, honest communication has been the major thing that helps to make this all possible.
As for me, I have an amazing girlfriend that started out as a friend that I could talk to about poly and its challenges. She has helped me to grow in incredible ways, makes me feel super-sexy, and always brings a smile to my face.
I'm looking forward to sharing more of my story, and contributing to the discussions when I feel I have something of value to add.
My wife and I have been married over ten years, together more than twenty. We opened up our relationship almost two years ago so that she could pursue a relationship with a woman that she had developed feelings for. When she and I married I was well aware of her past relationships with women, but my initial reaction to her request to open our marriage was one of shock. I immediately turned to Herr Doctor Google for advice and stumbled upon several websites. Yes, of course Franklin Veaux's site was one of the first I encountered.
I went through a lot of research and reflection, and my wife and I had many long hours of blunt, often uncomfortable but ultimately productive, conversation. There were two things that helped to make this transition possible, at least for me.
First, the realization that I loved my wife so much that I could not deny her the pursuit of this relationship, even if it meant the eventual dissolution of our own. My thinking was then, and continues to be, that part of being married is supporting your spouse in expressing and fulfilling their total personhood. My wife's bisexuality is an essential part of who she is. I also thought that if I don't "allow" her to do this, then we'd both be living a lie. I would rather open the marriage and either let it survive or not, rather than having it slowly stagnate. In that way, I thought we both may experience some more immediate pain, but in the end we'd be happier and more fulfilled, just not with each other.
Second, the woman she was interested in, who was also interested in her, insisted that they not pursue any kind of more intimate relationship without my knowledge and approval. This was my first introduction to the idea of polyamory, and once I began my research and reflection it started to really resonate with me. GF's insistence on transparency and honesty made it possible for me to get to a point where I was not only comfortable with the idea of my wife pursuing this relationship, but really wanted it for her.
There have been bumps along the metaphorical road, of course, and there continue to be occasional issues that need addressing. However, constant, honest communication has been the major thing that helps to make this all possible.
As for me, I have an amazing girlfriend that started out as a friend that I could talk to about poly and its challenges. She has helped me to grow in incredible ways, makes me feel super-sexy, and always brings a smile to my face.
I'm looking forward to sharing more of my story, and contributing to the discussions when I feel I have something of value to add.
