What I have lost, is my flirtyness. I used to be a big flirt, but ever since I started to date my boyfriend in addition to my husband, those urges have totally dissapeared. I feel very "happily married" to both of them. Like I was waiting for this all along. I didn't use to think there was anything wrong with being flirty, and had great fun with it, but this new calm feels so nice. I think I am basically spending all my energy on them. So I have gained a positive feeling of being settled.
I have also lost a lot of alone time and some time with friends, since managing two relationships and two sets of in laws/SO's families takes a lot of time, energy and money. But I have gained a new social circle through my boyfriend, and I have started to learn a new language and a new culture. Also it gets easier in time to relate to all those people.
I have lost some of my openness. I used to be rather open to everyone how I lived my life, even the less conventional sides of it. Now I find that I need to be very educational about it if I even consider telling people about it. That is why I am reluctant to tell people I don't know very well - basically, I don't want them to misunderstand and think that I am cheating or that my marriage is in danger etc. I am hoping that, as time goes by, we can find ways to comfortably open op to tell people more and more - I think this will be easier if my boyfriend could move to our city for shorter or longer time. It is easier to show a person than to talk about an abstract subject. But this new sense of discreation is not all bad - it is very useful in my job, where we handle delicate matters all the time. And I believe it has been useful to us as a couple/family to not be that open while we were still trying to manouver how to get along in between ourselves. Because I know it will cost and potentionally my family will be upset, so the more solid we are as a family the better. I feel that before we get kids, we have to find way to live comfortably open.
I have also missed the easy prioritation. It used to be that I cherished my husband more than my friends and would set aside extra time, money etc. for him. Now that I have two boys, it is not so clear cut. Especially since I live with one of them most of the time and go to visit the other. There has been little jealousy,but some envy - not unfounded, because when I go see my boyfriend, I study but otherwise structure the days as I please, in a hot climate. Wheras my boyfriend can get envious of my husband because he has the most time with me. I am not sure exactly how to manage that in the future, but I am striving to make my lives with them similar. It is something to discuss when both me and my husband go to visit my boyfriend in October.