Our triad started with someone who had been a friend for years. She was originally dating only Bud. I was friendly with her but not a part of their relationship. Then they invited me in. It's been a lot of work and has had issues we've had to work through. At this point it seems to be going in the direction of Sweet Lady and I being closer than Bud and Sweet Lady are but it's still a work in progress and who knows what the future holds. I will tell you that had I known how hard it would be to navigate the dynamics of a triad instead of a V, I'm not sure I would have agreed to it. But all 3 of us care deeply about one another and have committed to making this work for as long as possible. Right click on my name to find my posts. You'll see it's not always a walk in the park. Everyone here is just being very honest. The triad you guys want is HARD WORK!!!!
Heavily considering a triad
- Thread starter bt43
- Start date
Well if he can't handle input from a bunch of strangers with some objectivity, I'm not sure it bodes well for the triad - they are going to need calmly and objectively handle a lot of things much more difficult than us!
Its not that I couldnt handle the input, it was that the only thing I actually asked for was some positive advice and information, and nobody was willing to give it. I had just already seen so much of the negative information that I just didn't need any more. It was just automatically assumed that since I talked about what my wife talked about, we're unicorn hunters, which is NOT the case. We are looking into doing a full relationship as 3 couples and the group as a whole. Of course I'm going to bring up what my wife and I talked about because this is a BIG decision to make. This is a decision that the 3 of us definitely are not taking lightly. I finally came back around to see if anyone decided to be helpful, and there were some good responses. Thank you to those who finally provided some good information.
Perhaps, you should start a new thread specifically asking for positives and strategies to help it work? Your original post was not overly clear that it was positives your were looking for.
While many people have had or witnessed bad experiences with triads - hence the reaction you received - poly people are geniuses at how to make relationships work. Because poly is generally more work initially - although the joys can be many - these people understand much of the underlying psychology and emotional pitfalls that mono couples seldom consider.
So do not let the negative reaction dissuade you from asking pertinent and specific questions. I think you will find you gain a wealth of information by being specific.
While many people have had or witnessed bad experiences with triads - hence the reaction you received - poly people are geniuses at how to make relationships work. Because poly is generally more work initially - although the joys can be many - these people understand much of the underlying psychology and emotional pitfalls that mono couples seldom consider.
So do not let the negative reaction dissuade you from asking pertinent and specific questions. I think you will find you gain a wealth of information by being specific.
Inyourendo
New member
If you came looking for butt pats an online forum isn't the way to go, esp not this one. Like I said you want to find positive info on triads or actual successful long term triads just search the forums.
Emm
Stealth Mod
If you object to being treated as a Unicorn Hunter you'll need to differentiate yourself from the standard Unicorn Hunter mold. You may feel the term doesn't apply, but you can't expect anyone else to psychically pick that up if what you post could have been copied straight out of the Unicorn Hunters 101 manual.
Have you read a blog post called "So, somebody called you a Unicorn Hunter?" by David Noble? I breaks down quite nicely why you got the reaction you did, plus it has a good list of common pitfalls you would do well to avoid as you ease yourself into a new type of relationship.
Have you read a blog post called "So, somebody called you a Unicorn Hunter?" by David Noble? I breaks down quite nicely why you got the reaction you did, plus it has a good list of common pitfalls you would do well to avoid as you ease yourself into a new type of relationship.
On any online forum where anyone can read what you post, once you've made your post, you don't really have any control over what others say.
If you are looking for a specific response, it helps to be as specific as possible in your initial post.
But also, on forums like this, sometimes many tangents spin off from the original post. It's discussion. It happens.
If you and your wife have someone already in mind to bring into your relationship, rather than starting from "Hey, let's find someone", it's going to be a different dynamic. You're wondering how to build a relationship with the person who's already in your lives, rather than how to find someone to build a relationship with.
People have had negative experiences. Even if you want to hear only the positives, you're still likely to hear the negatives. It happens.
If you are looking for a specific response, it helps to be as specific as possible in your initial post.
But also, on forums like this, sometimes many tangents spin off from the original post. It's discussion. It happens.
If you and your wife have someone already in mind to bring into your relationship, rather than starting from "Hey, let's find someone", it's going to be a different dynamic. You're wondering how to build a relationship with the person who's already in your lives, rather than how to find someone to build a relationship with.
People have had negative experiences. Even if you want to hear only the positives, you're still likely to hear the negatives. It happens.
IndieSolo
Active member
Hi BT, and welcome. Please don't be deterred by the responses you've received thus far. You are welcome here, and I hope you keep coming back to ask specific questions, address problems, or pose scenarios for feedback. Take what you can use, and leave the rest - but keep in mind that just because the majority of responders might say, "Be careful, a triad rarely works" does not mean it is necessarily a negative message. It is a precaution, and meant to be helpful, so just remember that.
It was not clear in your initial post that you have a particular woman in mind when you wrote: ". . . we have begun to heavily discuss and consider bringing in another bisexual woman . . ." Please note the slippery slope and "Couple Plus One" kind of attitude that using a phrase like "bringing in" connotes! It is no small wonder people reacted the way they did. You don't add or bring in another person to your established relationship, like adding a scarf to enhance an outfit; each of you begins a new relationship with that person. It is an important distinction. I will just direct you to this thread and hopefully you will find it helpful:
Added to, Joining In
It was not clear in your initial post that you have a particular woman in mind when you wrote: ". . . we have begun to heavily discuss and consider bringing in another bisexual woman . . ." Please note the slippery slope and "Couple Plus One" kind of attitude that using a phrase like "bringing in" connotes! It is no small wonder people reacted the way they did. You don't add or bring in another person to your established relationship, like adding a scarf to enhance an outfit; each of you begins a new relationship with that person. It is an important distinction. I will just direct you to this thread and hopefully you will find it helpful:
Added to, Joining In