Hello All, Asking for Input

LilBabyKitty

New member
Hello everyone, I am considering a change in my monogamous relationship with my girlfriend, to that of a polyamorous/cucking scenario. We have been together almost 2 years, and have been monogamous, with some short breakups that included sex or flirting with others. I have identified a jealousy kink in my psyche, and I have trouble feeling passion/intimacy for my girlfriend unless she is flirting with or sexting with another man. She has a potential polyamorous suitor that she texted with during our last breakup about a month ago, and we are both on board with re-establishing contact with him with the intent of her having a relationship with him, and threesomes with both of us. We have agreed not to re-establish contact until we process more.

I had a traumatic divorce 3 years ago, in which my wife fell in love with another man, that was bisexual and also in love with me (I am not bisexual). She was very dishonest with me through the end of the relationship, and used polyamory to get me to hook them up together, and then left me for good as soon as they hooked up. However, after leaving me, she led me on for about a year, telling me she wanted to get back together but wasn't ready yet, and didn't want to stop seeing her new boyfriend. So I spent a year miserable in jealousy, and fantasized about having threesomes with them if she would just let it happen, which she didn't. They broke up after 3 months. When she finally told me she didn't want to reconcile, I immediately started dating again, and started seeing my current girlfriend. I wasn't ready to date yet, so all of our breakups since we've been together have been related to my emotional issues with my ex-wife.

Back to my current situation, I noticed the jealous feelings of seeing my girlfriend getting romantic with another man, and instead of feeling miserable as I did with my ex-wife, I feel exhilarated. My girlfriend is more inclined toward monogamy, and has not been pushing for an extra-marital relationship, especially if it risks our relationship. However, she is sexually open and experienced, and we are both getting NRE giddiness about the possibility of this change.

Part of the excitement for me is that I fully prepared myself at the end of my marriage for polyamory, reading whatever material I could find and looking forward to the range of feelings and even the conflicts. I didn't get to act out my preparation, and now I feel like I get a chance to, and it kind of gets me high.

My girlfriend and I both have high sex drives, and we are both sexually satisfied. The polyamory allows me to feel more intimacy towards her, so that is the main benefit we are both looking to achieve. She is 100% in love with me, and we don't see a huge risk of the other man coming in between us.

The biggest pitfall I see, is that my girlfriend is not open to me having any other partners. While I don't really feel a need to see other women, I am fearful that I will become resentful at the unfairness of the dynamic. Does anyone have any experience with this type of situation that might be helpful?
 
Hi and welcome to the forum.

Since you don't currently have any desire to date others why not just tell her that. Tell her that if that changes the two of you will talk about it. You don't know if you will and you don't know how she will feel about it at a later date. People grow. In the future she may see it differently.

What is more concerning to me is how the two of you are mapping out some sort of relationship with a guy who is not even involved yet. What happens if he doesn't want to participate in a cuckold fantasy? What if he has no interest in threesomes? He should have a say in how his relationship is going to work, if he is even still interested.
 
Hi and welcome to the forum.

Since you don't currently have any desire to date others why not just tell her that. Tell her that if that changes the two of you will talk about it. You don't know if you will and you don't know how she will feel about it at a later date. People grow. In the future she may see it differently.

What is more concerning to me is how the two of you are mapping out some sort of relationship with a guy who is not even involved yet. What happens if he doesn't want to participate in a cuckold fantasy? What if he has no interest in threesomes? He should have a say in how his relationship is going to work, if he is even still interested.

We are both open about our feelings on the matter. She knows that I don't have a desire to see other women, but we are both worried that I will become resentful over her seeing other men.

As for the other guy, she talked to him right before cutting off contact last time, and he was completely open to the cuck and threesome arrangements. When my girlfriend and I reconciled, she politely cut off contact with him, and he was very understanding of the situation. We had decided to focus on the reconciliation without complicating it with a third.
 
I don’t see their comment as “mapping out” . It sounds more as a theoretical thought experiment to explore this new dynamic they are thinking of entering. This third party may have expressed interest in this type of thing or not. But since they haven’t contacted them he’s not yet involved and it sounds more like they are just kinda thinking things through with what they have. Just my two cents. But as long as they are upfront about their intentions when this guy does get involved, I don’t see the harm in having him be part of their mental and verbal explorations. Good luck to you guys and I hope it all works out!
 
We talked to him about it before cutting off communication last time, and he was open to just about anything. When we cut it off with him, we did so very politely and he was very understanding, so we are fairly certain he would still be on board.
 
Greetings LilBabyKitty,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I can't quite tell what outcome you are hoping for, whether you are hoping that your girlfriend will become open to you having other partners, or whether you are hoping to adjust your own emotional state so that you won't have to resent her for not being open to you having other partners. If the latter, then that is something you need to work out with yourself, you do not need to involve her. If the former, then you need to have a long talk with her about that, and see if that might be something she could be open to in the future. If she says, "No, I could never be open to that," then you need to figure out whether you can make peace with her being your only partner (for the rest of your life). It's a question of how poly you are. If you're oh say about 60% poly, then you could probably stand to be in a mono arrangement (she is your only partner). If you're about 90% poly, then having multiple partners might be a must for you. Obviously you need to figure out where you stand on that continuum.

It seems hopeful that your girlfriend might eventually open up to the idea of you having multiple partners, but it's not guaranteed. Perhaps the thing to do is decide how long you can wait for her to come around. A month? a year? ten years? fifty years? somewhere in between?

At first you just have some thinking to do. Then it's time to have a talk with her.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

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We are both open about our feelings on the matter. She knows that I don't have a desire to see other women, but we are both worried that I will become resentful over her seeing other men.

As for the other guy, she talked to him right before cutting off contact last time, and he was completely open to the cuck and threesome arrangements. When my girlfriend and I reconciled, she politely cut off contact with him, and he was very understanding of the situation. We had decided to focus on the reconciliation without complicating it with a third.

It was a concern of mine because you didn't mention any of that. It's good that he knows what he is getting into.

Why do you see yourself resenting it? It's your choice to not date others. It's your kink that is bringing this about. Are you worried reality might not live up to the fantasy? If he's agreeable, maybe frame it as a trial situation. If he's experienced he'll probably prepare for the possibility anyway. It's always a possibility when dating someone new to poly, especially if they are already part of a couple.
 
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