Hello from Belleville, IL

JackDarlene

New member
We're a MWC, married 47 years and still in Luv. Retired military, have lived many places and done many things together. We enjoy traveling together and with others, seeing new places, doing new things, learning new things. He; 6'2"/220, very quiet until you get to know him. She; 5'5"/210, very outgoing and sweet. Always happy to make new friends and acquaintances.
 
Greetings JackDarlene,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

You sound like a fun couple, I am glad you have found our site and hope you will read and post often here. Just curious do you identify as poly, and if so what led you to do so and was that quite awhile ago. I've identified as poly for some 12-13 years, but I should add that we have some monogamous members on these boards and that is AOK. Enjoy your stay with us, make yourself at home. Welcome!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Identification

Greetings JackDarlene,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
Just curious do you identify as poly, and if so what led you to do so and was that quite awhile ago. I've identified as poly for some 12-13 years, but I should add that we have some monogamous members on these boards and that is AOK. Enjoy your stay with us, make yourself at home. Welcome!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

...

Welcome aboard!

Kevin:

Thank you for the very nice welcome. :)

We identify as kinda-sorta-Poly. We've been in a very happy Poly Quad for over twenty years, but our female partner passed away on Christmas day so now I guess we're a Poly Triad? We're certainly Not kicking him out of our lives just because she passed. Guess we'll just adjust and go with the flow, wherever life/love takes us all. We're not hunting a new relationship, but recognize too that sometimes things happen if you're open to them. The Poly thing just sort of grew out of a swinging relationship that jelled into so much more than fun sex. I guess we'd have to say that we identify more as very selective swingers than as poly but we accept poly as a valid life choice too.

The world needs all of the love that it can get!!

See you around the 'net. :)
 
Welcome Jack and Darlene. I am so very sorry for your loss!

Just so you know, if you're both going to be posting, it's required you get 2 accounts. Or if you really don't want to, please note each time which person is posting under the JackDarlene screenname. After all, you're 2 people. Thanks so much!
 
His/Hers accounts

Thank you. We know that when it's time, it's time, but it still hurts. We're both flying down to be with him for a while and for her memorial services.

I created the account for both of us, but she refuses to use a computer. I had built a computer of her own so that she could come/go/post online without me doing it for her, but she wouldn't use it. Since we are a couple, the username reflects that. She knows that if she has anything to post on this or any other venues, I'm more than happy to put it up for her.
 
Hello Jack,

Thanks for that additional info on your situation and background, so sorry you lost your female partner. I'm sure you will fit in well on the boards, just make yourself at home and let us know of your thoughts and/or questions.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Thank you. We know that when it's time, it's time, but it still hurts. We're both flying down to be with him for a while and for her memorial services.

Flying down? So I guess this couple didn't live with or near you and Darlene?

It's nice to hear of a successful quad, so long lasting. Of course the husband will still be your (you and Darlene's) partner! But there will be a gap there. :(

I created the account for both of us, but she refuses to use a computer. I had built a computer of her own so that she could come/go/post online without me doing it for her, but she wouldn't use it. Since we are a couple, the username reflects that. She knows that if she has anything to post on this or any other venues, I'm more than happy to put it up for her.

OK, I understand. Some people just don't like posting on the net.

I'm not sure how we can help you as you transition. The way you listed your heights and weights and personalities, it seems you're seeking a new partner who might be interested in people of your size and shape and interests? I mean, if you're just seeking platonic relationships with other poly people, your sizes don't matter.

This isn't really a dating site, but we can offer support as you grieve your lover's passing. I know most (mono-type) people don't understand the sadness when one loses a poly (or "secondary") partner. Usually it's from a breakup but as the poly community ages, there will be more deaths. We have had younger people here who have lost partners to car accidents and the like. It's just as devastating as losing a mono partner!
 
Info

I/we recognize that this isn't a dating site and never thought that it was. I simply threw the height/weight/etc thing in there at random when I created the account, being somewhat at a loss as to what sort of info was expected or useful for other members here.

Being somewhat more explicit/detailed; We retired from the military in '89 after a career traveling around the globe. I went into IT for several years, then retired fully. Right now we enjoy spending time with our friends, local and national events with our antique cars, and generally chilling together. We'll celebrate our 48th anniv next month and still in Luv. :) She's enjoying finally having time for her music, her handicrafts, travel, and friends.

We're still dealing with losing our female partner of so many years. We've come to accept that she has moved on and that we were so fortunate to have her in our lives for the time that we did. We still try to keep in touch with our male partner but the dynamic isn't the same without her. (sigh) Whatever the future holds for the 3 of us, we've had a lot of love and joy together over the years and that won't go away.

The world needs all of the love that it can get!
 
Hi Jack,

No problem about the height/weight thing, sometimes it's nice just to get a picture in your mind of whom you're talking to. Congrats on your 48th, it's great to be in love after all those years! :D It sounds like you're enjoying life and taking things in stride. Always good to hear from you!

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
Quad

Still recovering from the loss of our female partner. He now has a new partner but the chemistry is totally different (he's in love with her, but we're not). It's been a year and we've tried to adjust but it just doesn't work, so I guess we're going to have to let go and live with the memories of what we had for a while. It was wonderful while we had the 4 of us. We had something very special and very rare. Life happens, though, doesn't it?
 
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I am still recovering from the loss of my other female partner. Her husband now has a new partner but the chemistry is totally different (he's in love with her, but I am not, and neither is Darlene).

It's been a year, and we've tried to adjust, but it just doesn't work, so I guess we're going to have to let go and live with the memories of what we had for a while. It was wonderful while we had the 4 of us. We had something very special and very rare. Life happens, though, doesn't it?

Hi, Jack.

The I/we/he things are confusing. I assumed this is Jack posting. I edited your post to make it more about individuals, for clarity.

We strongly suggest that you name your partners and metamours in our Guidelines, rather than just saying "my wife," "my boyfriend" "my lover," "my partner's partner," etc. You can see how confusing that can be. I am going to suggest nicknames.

We have Jack.
We have Darlene.
We have your late female partner, Betty.
We have your (shared) male partner, Jared.
We have Jared's newish gf, Lucy.

So, Jared has a new female partner, Lucy. Is she local to him, but not local to you, Jack and Darlene?

You, Jack, and your wife, Darlene, have tried to establish an intimate relationship with Lucy, but neither of you are in love with her. And apparently, she isn't in love with either of you. Are there no fond feelings at all? Is there jealousy and competition? Is Jared moving to monogamy with Lucy?

Why is that? Does Lucy object to Jared continuing his relationship with the 2 of you? Is Jack OK with letting you, Jack, and Darlene, both go now?

Love is rare! Why is it necessary to let go of each other? Can't you at least still be good friends?
 
Hi Jack,

I'm sorry to hear that you are still grieving from the loss of your female partner (Betty). Grief doesn't have an expiration date, it lasts as long as it lasts. You will probably always have an empty place in your heart where Betty used to be. Sometimes when you have a loss in a quad, the remainder of it just doesn't adhere together. You will always have wonderful memories and that is the important thing.

With sympathy,
Kevin T.
 
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