Hello there everyone!

D

DoctorD

New member
First, I have to say that I am so glad this forum exists. Lurking has been enlightening. :)

I pretty much fell into the world of polyamory. I had never heard of it. And then I fell for my IT guy who is familiar with the concept and is very open to that type of love. This wouldn't have been much of a problem if I wasn't already in a decades old monogamous relationship. My "husband" and I are not married, but have plenty of ties together: home, business, but no kids.

Unfortunately, my husband isn't too excited about the idea of opening our relationship. I can't say that I blame him because I just threw this at him. I am sure I went about it all wrong. Basically, as soon as I realized I had feelings for IT guy (henceforth to be called ITG), I told my husband. And immediately asked if he would be okay with a threesome. That didn't go over well.

I love them both very much. I don't want to choose, but I may have to. I feel like my husband is my life partner and ITG is my soulmate.

I have no idea if this is possible, but my wish is for my husband to come around to my way of thinking. But if he can't, I'm hoping I can learn some coping skills from some of the more experienced people on the forum on how to deal with this. I've gone to a couple counseling sessions, but feel stupid because I know there is nothing wrong with how I feel. Plus, I think all it's doing is making me feel guilty. Because what I am doing right now isn't polyamory. It's cheating.

Sorry for the morose introduction, but thanks again for allowing me to have a voice here.
 
Hi DoctorD,

I don't have any answers for you for I'm going through a similar situation. I like how you stated it, one feels like a life partner and one feels like a soulmate. All I can offer you for now is empathy but I'd like to hear what other people have to say. Hugs!
 
Thanks milkthistle! Our stories do sound somewhat similar. I'll keep you posted. I hope we both find some contentment.
 
Geee, your summation on life partner and soul mate applies to me too.

for me, I chose my love, but my soul mate happened to me.

Welcome here and all the best for finding the support and strength you need!
 
Greetings DoctorD,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Sorry you're caught in such a difficult situation. I don't know how to get your husband to come around to your way of thinking, perhaps if he would read Franklin Veaux's Poly FAQ that would help.

If you'll keep us posted on how your situation is going, I might be able to think of more advice.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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Welcome aboard!
 
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