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roselyn

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Hello,

My name is rose and im very confused.I was hoping I could get a answer or two from people that have better knowledge than I.
Are you born with idea of polyamory in your dna from birth or can it be caused by a extremely emotional trama?

I am living state of hell if you will and have been for 30 years now. I was in love with a guy at 15 bur because a brutal bretrayal ,I was horribly robbed of exploring that relationship.well in short ,30 yrs later ..im still in love him and I have been married and in love with my husband for 20 yrs now at the same time.I felt like my brain/feelins in spilt between the two.ive been going over this for along time.can anybody help me?
 
roselyn said:
Hello,

My name is rose and im very confused.I was hoping I could get a answer or two from people that have better knowledge than I.
Are you born with idea of polyamory in your dna from birth or can it be caused by a extremely emotional trama?
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Hi Rose,

Whether polyamory is innate or not is debatable. I believe it is in our nature.

I am living state of hell if you will and have been for 30 years now. I was in love with a guy at 15 bur because a brutal bretrayal ,I was horribly robbed of exploring that relationship.well in short ,30 yrs later ..im still in love him and I have been married and in love with my husband for 20 yrs now at the same time.I felt like my brain/feelins in spilt between the two.ive been going over this for along time.can anybody help me?
Click to expand...

It sounds like there was never any real closure to that relationship. I suspect that is at the core of the feelings you are having.

You say you are still in love with the first guy. Are you in contact with him now, or are you still in love with the guy he was? The reason I ask is because I found myself in a similar circumstance. 30 years later, we reconnected. We still love each other, but are not compatible with regards to lifestyle. Point being you may just be in love with the idea of the first guy and not the guy himself at this point.

You also may be feeling some guilt at harboring feelings for another man while being married. As I said above, I think it is perfectly natural to be able to have those feelings for more than one person. Don't be too hard on yourself. It doesn't make you a bad person.

I just realized I'm trying to give you advice when I don't have the whole story, so I will just leave it at that.
 
Welcome Rose,

I am sorry to hear your life has had this awful situation from the past hanging over it.

There is nothing wrong with being in love with more than one person. As surveys of infidelity show, people sworn to monogamy often find themselves in love with someone outside their marriage. BUT having some incident from your teen years torturing you for 30 years is unhealthy for you and requires expert help to deal with. Have you ever had therapy to help you find peace?

Polyamory is not a mental disorder of some kind and people come to it in many ways. Some seem to have had it in their make up since at least childhood, others come to it later because they fall in love with more than one person, or they find the philosophy behind it fits their lives, or they love someone who is polyamorous and discover they have the capacity themselves, and so on.

You are not alone in your confusion so try not to think you are a bad person for feeling the way you feel. I hope you can get help soon. If you use the search function here you may find how other people have dealt with similar problems in the past.

Leetah



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I believe we are born with a tendency to be poly. I am sixty and I did not come to believe until recent years. I was taught monogamy was it. But I realized whenever I was in a relationship I still wanted to be with others.
I also noticed most of my friends both men and women had hard time being faithful.
I have recently started pursuing a lady to have a poly relationship with. I have begun telling people how I feel. Many agree but still say they want monogamy.
 
Greetings roselyn,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It is uncertain whether poly is genetic, the result of environment, or just the substance that stems from one's independent choice to practice poly in one's life. There is some contention over this issue. As far as I know it has not been tested scientifically. Personally I think it's possible that poly inclinations can wax and wane over one's lifetime, but that's pure speculation on my part.

I am concerned about the trauma you have endured, and I hope you are getting counseling for dealing with it.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
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