Help! I have a bisexual girlfriend!

Sheesh!

I suppose what ultimately matters here is how good the relationship is, regardless of these complications. That's what I'm not getting a sense of in the conversation, thus far, and so it makes it real hard to put the weirdness in perspective.

How good are you with one another? Are you very much in love? Do you really, really love one another, or is there a lot of drama and weirdness? Have you (singular) had solid, not-so-weird-or-dramatic relationships? Has she? Do you guys really want to play out rather weird power-play games? And, yes, I know it can be lighthearted play. But is it?
 
First of all, answer or don't, but I'm curious-- how old are you two? I'm guessing very early 20s, if that, probably 17-20. I'm not knocking you in any way, whether I'm right or wrong. It's just that the issues and the questions seem... inexperienced. This matters, in that some advice will be different based on age and experience, and rightly so.

Getting away from that, I think my perspective is a very interesting blend of the two of yours. Most of my relationships have been with bisexual or (formerly) lesbian women. I have ZERO issues with them having girls on the side, be it "just a fuck," or a full-blown relationship, or anything in between. It just doesn't faze me. I have no jealousy, nothing but "have fun, sweety." 🤷 The fact that most of these girls were not okay with me having other girls made perfect sense to me. I was less than thrilled about them having other guys. Girls weren't competition. So I get where she's coming from there. (Ceoli can chew me out for this. lol)

I have recently had to bend my brain around the idea that other men can be okay too, not because it's come up in the relationships, but because Violet lets me have other women. And though it took a lot of convincing for me to decide it really was okay, since that's been acted on, more than once, I have to come to grips with the issue in my head. Namely, if she DID decide she wanted another guy, but wanted to keep me around, I feel that it should be okay, lest I be a hypocrite (worst sin possible, in my book).

I know, I know-- don't change who you are, blah blah-- but it matters to me, A LOT.

So, to relate this to the OP's situation-- You're straight. She's bi. Though some here say that for a truly bisexual person there should be no difference, I disagree. Bisexuals get twice the theoretical action, by default. And I do NOT believe that because they get to have a dedicated relationship with one gender while having involvement with the other as well, that they should "have to" allow a "straight" partner dalliances that they do not with whichever gender. Clear as mud? I hope ya'll got it. lol

On to the other issues, of which there seem to be many. If she feels it's cheating, despite your assurances, than she needs to not do it. If she feels that you being physically involved is not okay because it's cheating, than she shouldn't be bringing you into the situation. There are instances where this would "make sense" or "be okay," but there's a level of understanding each other's needs, desires, and drives that I am decidedly NOT sensing is there with you two yet.

*sigh* This is getting long. I'll try to clarify later.
 
Amen to that.

I can see several of these sides, but I feel the exact same way about it as HappiestManAlive.

If I had not married my husband, I would not have had a male as a life partner but would still have been very much poly. I would have had a female primary and probably a male secondary at different times in life.

What I found in my husband is very well what your woman could have found in you: her other half, or that which makes her whole.

Being a bi woman, I look at people as an overall, and there are very few ppl I find emotionally attractive enough to involved with (only personally of course).

My experience is this: male or female, if you find the person that makes you happy in life, it doesn't matter what gender they are. If they complete you (relationship-wise) and are a pillar to you in some form or fashion, then there is a connection that should not be judged.

I had not ever been with another man sexually before my husband either (had dated some, though), but I darn well did not use him to justify my sexuality. I'm bi, not completely lesbian. Why would I need to justify that to myself? (If I were in this situation, I mean.) It's a wonderful balance that if you are in a loving relationship and understand each other's needs, it works even better because she is bi, imho, because of the fact that if you are both poly, she is probably going to seek relationship partners based on emotions and character, not gender.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top