Hey and Advice

[Twomaybetoofew]

Hey,

I'm new to the whole poly thing entirely. I'm here mostly to look around and maybe get some advice from those who have been there before. Currently I'm married guy but I've noticed a long term shift in my desires that has led me to want to possibly open up my relationship. I've had a few tentative talks with my wife and right now I'm sexually roleplaying with women online as a means of dealing with and exploring these desires. I have a number of questions for the community about how to deal with the more... complex aspects of my current predicament and how to deal with it in the best way for all.

 

[Leetah]

Welcome Two! Looking around is a great idea, use the tag search as well as the regular search and I'm sure you will find all kinds of perspectives on situations similar to yours.

In my case, when my best online friend and I fell in love, my husband struggled with the idea but could see I have no intention of leaving him. He finally said to himself " I have never been a jealous person, I am a better person than that, so I will not force myself to go there just because society says I should." He's great that way.

CTF's threads come at it from the other side, ( http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=74750 ) that of the spouse of someone looking around online. Once and Future's threads ( http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=78059 )are more from your side of things. Both of those are stories about the difficulties in dealing with a mono/poly relationship. There are plenty of others in which the difficulties were not insurmountable and even where both spouses find they can embrace ethical non-monogamy in some form.

If you are getting sexy with someone online without your wife knowing? Not very cool. I know it may seem like just a form of porn or something but it is a relationship with a real person. If you don't feel comfortable telling your wife, then you know already that it is breaking the agreements you have with her. In that case you should probably cut it out until you have new agreements worked out.

Leetah

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings Twomaybetoofew,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I had a look at your other thread and responded there briefly. I think the key thing to keep in mind here is that your wife can only consent to stuff she knows about. So, before you actually do anything, make sure you have discussed it with your wife.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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