Hey everybody

C

Curiousconspiritor

New member
Hey everybody im new here. I jst wanted to lay out my situation and see if anyone had any advice. My girlfriend told me earlier that she wasnt happy and after much prying i discovered that she doesnt enjoy sex with me. She says that id the only thing about our relationship that she isnt happy with. I asked if she just wanted to have sex with other people. And she said yes. I said i was willing to try it. We have yet to lay out ground rules and parameters but im planning on doing that tmrw evening. Any advice guys? Any suggestions on things i should ask and how to do this right would be greatly appreciated.
 
There are plenty of resources here and on the net. Try morethantwo.com.

It's great that you are willing to do that, but what prevents you and her from discussing what it is she doesn't like or what she needs? Good communication makes for great sex.
 
Welcome!

Here are mine, if that helps:

I don't want to know too many details. If you start to overshare, I will tell you. What I DO want to know is, "I am going to see this girl on X day, at X location, at X time and I will return at X time." I will reciprocate with the same information. If anything changes at all, we will keep in contact to let each other know.

We will practice safe sex, with these specifications: Any penetrative sex will require condoms. STD testing is absolutely required to go condom free with each new partner, and if that is happening, discussion must have taken place with everyone in the polycule FIRST. Some sort of birth control must be in place besides condoms. (I personally use a diaphragm.)

Time spent with other partners will not make less or impact time spent with me.

I will be ethical and up front with my partners about my relationship status - married but open. This goes for all online dating sites, and in-person encounters.

Money used to date will not impact our family budget.

I will not attempt to date messy people - your friends (listed), my coworkers, family, no known crazy drama people. Not this person specifically - X.

No sleepovers at our shared residence without at least a week's notice for the very first time.

Facebook rules. Please don't splash our business all over the place there. We will discuss if there is an issue. We can unfriend there each other if it becomes too much.

I hope this helps! Discussion about unwanted/unplanned pregnancies should definitely be something you touch on. All of my partners know that I would not abort if I somehow became pregnant, and I know what their stated responses would be, because we've talked about it.

I can say you absolutely should not try to legislate her not catching feelings, because that never works. She is going to fall in love, more than likely.

I also recommend you read More Than Two together, and answer the questions together before she sets out.

Hope this helps!
 
Well she isnt very good with communication. Ive tried to satisfy her but apparently i cant. Im not sure if shes being completly open. And she will need to do that for this to work. So i plan on talking to her tonight and digging a little deeper.
 
Greetings Curiousconspiritor,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I suggest you get the book, "Opening Up: a guide to creating and sustaining open relationships," by Tristan Taormino. Possibly read it together. It covers a lot of ground, and has many worksheets to complete that will help you decide what rules/boundaries to agree on. It may even help with communication.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
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