Hey ya from the southeast US

R

RedRover

New member
New to this forum but not new to using forums or to the poly concept.

Married almost 40 years to the love of my life, ended up with a secondary relationship thanks to a "cuck kink" he has....which is just one of many kinks he has. If I listed all of them I'd break the internet backbone :eek:

The short hand version:
We live a semi 24-7 D/s femdom relationship, his request.
(I say semi cuz most of the time we look and sound like June and Ward Cleaver mashed into Dan and Rosanne Conner. I'm the boss, but we live in the real world of bills, kids, bad hair days and a some days there really isn't room for the "formal femdom" stuff cuz we are just trying to stay afloat.)


Took us years to sort his kinks out and make them work in our marriage instead of them working over our marriage.

Nine years ago, I took him up on the first kink that ever popped out of his mouth, way back when we first meet. He told me then he didn't care if I slept with other guys, damn near broke my heart that he wanted to share me like that.


Fast forward years and fights and sorting and coming to terms his kinky soul and what is behind the "I don't care if" that my man dropped on me years ago. All that to get my secondary who has been in my life for..like I said... nine years now.


What we have looks nothing like what my silly husband thought it would look like...he is proof of "be careful what you wish for", he could be the poster child for that campaign!

So anyway, that is the shorthand version of almost 40 years.

Look forward to getting to know the folks here and reading the info on site.
Kinda just stumbled into it while looking for some info on helping my secondary deal with jealousy of my primary.
So I am off to see what folks have to say!
 
Hi Red Rover,

welcome to the forums. I'm kindda new here myself and stumbled on these forums due to jealousy destroying my first foray into polyamory. I see jealousy as the police arm of monogamy and delved into trying to understand it.

I wrote a small summary of my philosophical thoughts on jealousy a while back while I was hurt and ashamed of myself for not being able to do poly. Feedback from the very friendly poly community here is that I might have been shaming myself unnecessarily, so read the article with that in mind please. It's more of an article on philosophy.

Managing jealousy practically has a whole bunch more resources as posted by kdt.
 
Hi Shaya,

Thanks for the welcome. I had popped that very thread open earlier then had to go pick up my four legged kiddos from doggie day camp, was hoping to get a spot cleared this evening to do a good read thru and thanks for the link to the other articles.

My secondary is a heavy duty Alpha male and does fine....about 97 % of the time with the way we are set up, but once in a while it all just kinda gets the better of him and he starts with mood swings...and I am running out of skills to deal with the havoc it brings....wow..that reads more intense then it is..LOL.


The havoc is kinda self induced because I am a "fretter" and a crazy momma hen kinda person.

It is hard to watch him crash out after we spend time together and I am back home, 1500 miles away from him and all I have is text and Face Time to help him cope and it spills over into my primary relationship sometimes and my husband is very understanding about all of it but some days...I just don't have the patient to deal with the drama...but in for a penny---in for a pound.

Okay....that all can out as one long random thought.....kinda stung...LOL.

So anyways.....I'm poking around and finding some great stuff.....I have an amazing support system for the femdom D/s part of our life....but haven't spent much time talking to folks who are more focused on/geared toward the poly aspect....so far looking around...I may not find the exact answers I am looking for...but looks like there's a lot of support and info here that I will be able to cobble together a new set of skills to get us thru this rough patch.
 
Hi RedRover - Welcome to the Poly Forum! I've only been here a few months but have found most folks here to be friendly and helpful - with lots of sound advice and solid info.

I enjoyed your post - I was raised in a small town in the Deep South myself so your Intro felt like a touch of home.

Fifteen hundred miles is quite a stretch - although modern technology does help. I've only been into poly for a few months - and, at least for the moment, I am a de facto mono, while my wife, Becky, is doing all the poly. She also has a long distance bf (nowhere near as long as yours - about 4 hours). What she has done to make this better for me is to be constantly and patiently reassuring of her love and devotion to me and to our family - that her bf is an addition and not a replacement - although your situation is a bit different because you are reassuring the secondary and not the primary.

You will also find - if you haven't noticed already - that a good number of poly folks are also into kink as well - so hopefully you will find that connection helpful as well.

Again, welcome!

Al
 
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Hi Al, thanks for the welcome.

I enjoyed your post - I was raised in a small town in the Deep South myself so your Intro felt like a touch of home.
Click to expand...


Sssshhhh...don't tell nobody....but I am an Okie disguised as a deep suhthnur. ;) This is my husband's home turf, the land of Swamp People, Mardis Gras and suckin' heads. (You may have to be from this area to get that ain't a sex thang.)



although your situation is a bit different because you are reassuring the secondary and not the primary.
Click to expand...

Actually that exactly what I was hoping for...talking to "my own" kind has me in a bit of a thinking rut...I love my femdom peeps.....but the scope for poly is kinda narrow in that part of the kink world. (it does tend to fall hard to the cuck side of the overall life style)




I need to talk to folks who have the dynamic working in other forms...forms that are similar but not same.....similar so they get the inner workings of the dynamic.....not the same so I can get some ideas on how to think and approach my set up in a different manner. I think the "skill set" needed is the same for either side...be it the primary or the others involved...just needs to be tweaked to each individual and their place in the dynamic.

Cripes nine years in...you'd think I'd have the skill set so fine tuned I could do it rote...but ha.......jokes on me...people do this aggravating thing of changing, growing and shifting in who they are....how they feel and how they view their world.

Would be so much easier if nobody grew or changed.
( That last comment....that's tongue in cheek there folks.)

I read your intro post.....I could relate to some of the feelings you expressed and your journey to keep an open mind and learn.


I kinda backed my way into the poly dynamic while getting dragged into the D/s lifestyle by an over zealous horny husband....who had this idea I was gonna have a stable full of men...never see the same one twice and he'd just be a piece of meat in the corner......man did it not turn out that way...and man did it all come back to bite him hard where he lives. Took me almost 30 years to take him up on the "cuck me" kink....and well...like I said.....he IS the poster child for "be careful what you wish for".

He's mono and he is gonna STAY mono.

I don't share....and he knew that going in...turns out...he didn't wanna be anything other than mono....and wow...wall of words anyone?

Back to reading...I gotta lot to catch up on here.
 
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Greetings RedRobin,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you have found Polyamory.com to be helpful so far, that is good to hear. Your husband and secondary largely have their own work to do for the glitches they run into, but you can help by providing them with reassurance. In particular, it can be hard to be a secondary because you feel like you would be the first one to go on the chopping block.

I wish you the best, and am glad you could join us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
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