Hi! Asexual exploring Poly with an Allo partner


New member
Hi everyone! The title kind of says it all, I guess. I've recently accepted myself as asexual and while my current partner who I live with is super supportive and loves me with his whole heart, we have decided after months of discussion to open our relationship. We are both looking for separate partners, he to fulfill his need for sexual intimacy, and me to fulfill a need I have for physical (but not sexual) touch. The pandemic has really emphasized that need for me and while my partner does his best, he's not a touchy feely person by nature.
So, that's where we are! As I said, we live together and are coparenting our two children. I was using the term nesting partner, but am now not sure that the term is appropriate? That's why I'm here, to continue soaking up as much knowledge as I can about the poly community and our place in it so there is no confusion.
So far, the poly road has been a little more difficult for me. As an asexual seeking a romantic relationship, my pool of partners is vastly more limited and it can be... disheartening I guess is the word I would use? So I'm here seeking some community, education, and maybe even advice :)
Looking forward to lurking around the forums :)


Staff member

Nesting partner is one of those phrases that different people perceive differently - when it was first coined, it was meant to refer to couples who do live in the same house but purposefully don't entangle in a lot of ways - maybe no children, not sharing finances more than the average roommates, etc. Some people think it can't refer to a legal spouse and/or co-parent; I find it useful though when I'm trying to differentiate between my two partners in a non-hierarchical way.

That whole no-confusion thing? the only way you're ever gonna hit that is to ask anyone you're talking to what *they* mean by a term - for every ten polyamorous people you'll find 12 definitions of everything. ;-)


Official Greeter
Staff member
Greetings SmolMushroom35,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I hope we can be of some help to you, in your efforts to find partners and to learn more about polyamory. I can post a list of poly-friendly dating sites if you're interested; let me know. Also there are poly groups out there, I just don't know if they are doing their regular meetups nowadays with the Covid situation. You can try googling "Texas polyamory," "Beaumont polyamory," or "polyamory" with the name of any other nearby city (e.g. "Houston polyamory"), and see what turns up. It's always a good thing when you can get out there and make friends in real life, often you can find poly-friendly people at alt events such as Ren fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, BDSM, and the like.

The AVEN site may be helpful to you (if you haven't checked it out already). They have forums (not to chase you away from our forums, you can do both!). Anyway, keep reading and posting here, you will learn a lot about polyamory.

Kevin T., "official greeter" :)


There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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