Hi from Michigan
- Thread starter dust
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SweetSensations
New member
Dust and Fish, how are you guys? Any progress to report?
Fish1470
New member
Not too bad. Kat had a night away this week, which bought up some negative feelings at the time, loneliness mostly. But a chat and some much needed reassurance and we are all good again.
Sorry to be AWOL this week. Life kind of took over and, as I say, I wasn't in a constructive frame of mind.
Sorry to be AWOL this week. Life kind of took over and, as I say, I wasn't in a constructive frame of mind.
SweetSensations
New member
Progress
Aww, a night away. Oh boy, that must have been hard on ya. I hope she came back in a loving mood and reassured you. I remember thinking my husband was stepping out of the relationship for sex, and how insecure and alone I felt. I remember being left behind on ski trips. Just not fun cuz it is lonely.
Aww, a night away. Oh boy, that must have been hard on ya. I hope she came back in a loving mood and reassured you. I remember thinking my husband was stepping out of the relationship for sex, and how insecure and alone I felt. I remember being left behind on ski trips. Just not fun cuz it is lonely.
Update
It's still a bumpy and eye-opening ride for me. We fluctuate between being on top of the world to "I can't live this way anymore," and we swing on a dime. Both of us feel things are very tenuous, and we aren't used to that.
The main issue is that I need a ton of reassurance, but I don't know how to communicate specifically what I need. At one level this is my problem, and I need to bolster my confidence. But at another it is her 'problem' (as my primary partner) to make sure I know I'm primary in her eyes. I'm sure opinions are all over the map as to who owns more of this problem, but we need to figure it out ourselves, and we haven't yet. When you hurt, it usually feels like the other person's problem...
But the good is wonderful, and I need to keep my head from spiraling into a negative place. How do I communicate what I need when it starts to happen?
It's still a bumpy and eye-opening ride for me. We fluctuate between being on top of the world to "I can't live this way anymore," and we swing on a dime. Both of us feel things are very tenuous, and we aren't used to that.
The main issue is that I need a ton of reassurance, but I don't know how to communicate specifically what I need. At one level this is my problem, and I need to bolster my confidence. But at another it is her 'problem' (as my primary partner) to make sure I know I'm primary in her eyes. I'm sure opinions are all over the map as to who owns more of this problem, but we need to figure it out ourselves, and we haven't yet. When you hurt, it usually feels like the other person's problem...
But the good is wonderful, and I need to keep my head from spiraling into a negative place. How do I communicate what I need when it starts to happen?
SweetSensations
New member
Reassurance and loving acts
I need to read this from time to time and understand that my H also needs reassurance, acceptance and empathy for what he is going through. Sometimes it is hard when he raises his voice. I am not used to that. But I understand that his life feels out of control, so he will act out in anger/irritation at times.
I am envious that you guys have communication, cuz I can't help H without communication. I guess I will be asking what you guys are going through, so I can go back and reassure H, maybe make him something special for dinner. That was what I was focusing on these last several weeks-- putting extra love into food and fetching for him. Sometimes I give my H an extra long hug, and massage his back when he greets me.
((Hugs to Dust and Fish))
I need to read this from time to time and understand that my H also needs reassurance, acceptance and empathy for what he is going through. Sometimes it is hard when he raises his voice. I am not used to that. But I understand that his life feels out of control, so he will act out in anger/irritation at times.
I am envious that you guys have communication, cuz I can't help H without communication. I guess I will be asking what you guys are going through, so I can go back and reassure H, maybe make him something special for dinner. That was what I was focusing on these last several weeks-- putting extra love into food and fetching for him. Sometimes I give my H an extra long hug, and massage his back when he greets me.
((Hugs to Dust and Fish))