Hi from the UK
- Thread starter Cybard
- Start date
Greetings Cybard,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
We'll be happy to talk with you. Just let us know of whatever questions you may have.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"
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If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.
Welcome aboard!
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
We'll be happy to talk with you. Just let us know of whatever questions you may have.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"
Notes:
There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!
Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.
Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.
If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.
Welcome aboard!
Hi Kevin, and thanks.
Well, as this is the introductions section, I suppose this is where I would give a background to my realisation, and maybe see if anyone has been in a similar situation...
I'm M/36, heteroflex I suppose, and have been in two long term mono relationships. The first lasted 10 years, and though I didn't physically cheat, I did end up falling for other women during that time. That relationship was a disaster anyway (personality clashes), and I always retrospectively put my falling for others as a sign that the relationship wasn't working out, though now I'm not so sure.
I am now with a lovely woman, in my second long term relationship, and I couldn't ask for more with her, yet I still find myself recognising the start of falling for others. Each time I have managed to restrain myself from these feelings, but it made me feel like there was something wrong with me. How could I possibly love more than one woman? I know I love my current partner, but that means I shouldn't be feeling like this. It all came to a head recently when a co-worker of mine told me she was leaving, and I realised I had fallen, again. She is only recently married also, which did disappoint me at the time, as I knew I fancied her (forgive the uk slang), but it wasn't until I realised I wouldn't see her again, that the pang hit, and it hit hard.
I started flirting wth her in her last couple of weeks, without really realising it, until she told me politely to back off, that "my nice words weren't appropriate for either of our situations". That is when I really felt like I was somehow faulty, that I was somehow mentally wrong. So I decided to try and find out what is wrong, see if there was a "diagnosis", and I came across polyamory.
If I am poly, that would explain so much, and at least I'd know that I'm not a bad person, that I'm not damaged. I also have always had an aversion to marriage, something I put down to the fact that my mother has had numerous husbands, and that almost every marriage I have seen has died, but this could possibly explain my reluctance a little more, how could I marry one woman, knowing (subconciously) that I'd possibly fall for another as well.
The problem now is that I know my current partner wouldn't understand, and I really don't want to hurt or lose her. I wouldn't even know how to begin to explain. I don't know if it's because I'm in the UK where we are gereally more reserved, but it really does feel like a difficulty being a poly in a mono world.
Sorry for the essay. :S
Well, as this is the introductions section, I suppose this is where I would give a background to my realisation, and maybe see if anyone has been in a similar situation...
I'm M/36, heteroflex I suppose, and have been in two long term mono relationships. The first lasted 10 years, and though I didn't physically cheat, I did end up falling for other women during that time. That relationship was a disaster anyway (personality clashes), and I always retrospectively put my falling for others as a sign that the relationship wasn't working out, though now I'm not so sure.
I am now with a lovely woman, in my second long term relationship, and I couldn't ask for more with her, yet I still find myself recognising the start of falling for others. Each time I have managed to restrain myself from these feelings, but it made me feel like there was something wrong with me. How could I possibly love more than one woman? I know I love my current partner, but that means I shouldn't be feeling like this. It all came to a head recently when a co-worker of mine told me she was leaving, and I realised I had fallen, again. She is only recently married also, which did disappoint me at the time, as I knew I fancied her (forgive the uk slang), but it wasn't until I realised I wouldn't see her again, that the pang hit, and it hit hard.
I started flirting wth her in her last couple of weeks, without really realising it, until she told me politely to back off, that "my nice words weren't appropriate for either of our situations". That is when I really felt like I was somehow faulty, that I was somehow mentally wrong. So I decided to try and find out what is wrong, see if there was a "diagnosis", and I came across polyamory.
If I am poly, that would explain so much, and at least I'd know that I'm not a bad person, that I'm not damaged. I also have always had an aversion to marriage, something I put down to the fact that my mother has had numerous husbands, and that almost every marriage I have seen has died, but this could possibly explain my reluctance a little more, how could I marry one woman, knowing (subconciously) that I'd possibly fall for another as well.
The problem now is that I know my current partner wouldn't understand, and I really don't want to hurt or lose her. I wouldn't even know how to begin to explain. I don't know if it's because I'm in the UK where we are gereally more reserved, but it really does feel like a difficulty being a poly in a mono world.
Sorry for the essay. :S
Don't worry about the "essay," I've seen (and done) worse.
So for now you can't practice poly, but you can talk about it on this forum. If you are wondering how to introduce people to polyamory, Poly FAQ is a good place to start.
I agree that it is hard to be poly in a monogamous world. Hopefully it'll be easier for future generations.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
So for now you can't practice poly, but you can talk about it on this forum. If you are wondering how to introduce people to polyamory, Poly FAQ is a good place to start.
I agree that it is hard to be poly in a monogamous world. Hopefully it'll be easier for future generations.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.