Bernadette Bosky
New member
Hello! I have been active on Facebook polyamory groups & am looking for more places for discussion.
I am the sexual hinge of a MFM V-triad. That's the only term to describe us: sexually we are a V, but in every other way we are a triad. Kevin & Arthur each say that they have come to love each other over the years; we communally share a house, two cars, all income/outgo, & most major decisions. We are childless by choice. We've lived together 31+ years & been a social unit for 36. I am legally married to one for health benefits, but it doesn't matter to us. In fact, we usually don't tell people who, in case they think that is my "real" husband.
We all met through science-fiction fandom, which has had its own home-brewed polyamory since before that term existed (we called them "open relationships"--which means something a bit different now--or "multiple relationships"). In fact, the three of us were Fan Guests of Honor at a national sf convention. Overall we're both lucky & privileged: we live in a liberal area, we own our own home, and most of our friends are very accepting, even affirming. I'm delighted that many of our monogamous friends say they admire how we interact together.
Our triad is neither fully closed nor fully open--we refer to it as "ajar." Now the only person with a non-triad partner is Kevin, who has a long-distance sweetie. She was a family friend before they started dating, & when she visits, we all enjoy dinner & conversation with her, & then she & Kevin go into the guest room for private time. Science-fiction fandom is very big on KTP for various reasons, & all four of us like that approach.
No one is without problems, but ours are mostly age related: Kevin is 58, I am 66, and Arthur is 80--none of us is a spring chicken, & we have increasing health issues, though we have great health insurance. We are all still very careful about covid-19, even though we are vaxxed to the max (or will be starting tomorrow), because of age & other issues, such as Arthur's barely controlled asthma. It's good to have three people, so there are generally two to help out anyone who is ill or needs to go to dr. appointments.
Triads & would-be triads are definitely becoming more popular now. I'm ambivalent about that. On the one hand, it has been great for us, & I love seeing more people overcoming secrecy & stigma to pursue what works for the people involved. On the other hand, I worry when I see monogamous people assuming a closed triangular triad will be free from jealousy or otherwise work out better than other kinds of polyamory. For one thing, because of the lack of social rules & role models, a triad takes a lot of effort, time, & mindful communication. Ours was my main focus for around two years! (At the time, I was un- or underemployed & not writing my dissertation.) And we didn't even have jealousy, mainly because the guys are two of the least jealous people I have ever met.
I'm happy to answer any questions!
I am the sexual hinge of a MFM V-triad. That's the only term to describe us: sexually we are a V, but in every other way we are a triad. Kevin & Arthur each say that they have come to love each other over the years; we communally share a house, two cars, all income/outgo, & most major decisions. We are childless by choice. We've lived together 31+ years & been a social unit for 36. I am legally married to one for health benefits, but it doesn't matter to us. In fact, we usually don't tell people who, in case they think that is my "real" husband.
We all met through science-fiction fandom, which has had its own home-brewed polyamory since before that term existed (we called them "open relationships"--which means something a bit different now--or "multiple relationships"). In fact, the three of us were Fan Guests of Honor at a national sf convention. Overall we're both lucky & privileged: we live in a liberal area, we own our own home, and most of our friends are very accepting, even affirming. I'm delighted that many of our monogamous friends say they admire how we interact together.
Our triad is neither fully closed nor fully open--we refer to it as "ajar." Now the only person with a non-triad partner is Kevin, who has a long-distance sweetie. She was a family friend before they started dating, & when she visits, we all enjoy dinner & conversation with her, & then she & Kevin go into the guest room for private time. Science-fiction fandom is very big on KTP for various reasons, & all four of us like that approach.
No one is without problems, but ours are mostly age related: Kevin is 58, I am 66, and Arthur is 80--none of us is a spring chicken, & we have increasing health issues, though we have great health insurance. We are all still very careful about covid-19, even though we are vaxxed to the max (or will be starting tomorrow), because of age & other issues, such as Arthur's barely controlled asthma. It's good to have three people, so there are generally two to help out anyone who is ill or needs to go to dr. appointments.
Triads & would-be triads are definitely becoming more popular now. I'm ambivalent about that. On the one hand, it has been great for us, & I love seeing more people overcoming secrecy & stigma to pursue what works for the people involved. On the other hand, I worry when I see monogamous people assuming a closed triangular triad will be free from jealousy or otherwise work out better than other kinds of polyamory. For one thing, because of the lack of social rules & role models, a triad takes a lot of effort, time, & mindful communication. Ours was my main focus for around two years! (At the time, I was un- or underemployed & not writing my dissertation.) And we didn't even have jealousy, mainly because the guys are two of the least jealous people I have ever met.
I'm happy to answer any questions!
