Hi There!

[Meili]

My name is Meili. It's pronounced may-lee but go ahead and call me anything close to that and I'll answer.

I learned about polyamory a few years ago. As soon as I heard about it I loved the idea. I loved the man I was married to at the time and the thought of having more of those relationships was wonderful. I had no intention then of pursuing a polyamorous relationship because I knew my husband wouldn't accept it and I had no intention of ending that relationship. The thought never even crossed my mind. He was my husband forever. I was willing to wait until he accepted it.

Unfortunately, because I was accepting this and many other ideas outside our mutual religion, things got increasingly rocky between us. He was trying to reign me in, my beliefs at least, and I was bucking against his attempts to control me. The marriage ended in a huge messy disaster.

I married again still with no intention of creating a polyamorous relationship simply because I knew absolutely no one in such a relationship. My second marriage lasted just long enough for me to get pregnant. My second husband disappeared leaving me to fend for myself. He reappeared when the baby was born and begged for me to let him live with us so he could be close to his child. I allowed it but kicked him out in short order when he began taking money from me. I haven't seen him since, which has earned him my gratitude.

I'm now single with my one adorable baby. I'm trying to work through my issues so I can hopefully one day form a meaningful, loving relationship with at least one person. I'm still hoping for a polyamorous marriage someday but I realize that if I can't even make a monogamous marriage work, I'm probably not ready for polyamory either. Even so, like to get to know people who live this lifestyle so I can get a better perspective on it. I've done Google searches in the past trying to find people talking about it and never have. I guess this time I finally typed in the right word combination.

I'm looking forward to getting to know a few of you. Cheers!

 

[Leetah]

Welcome Meili! You sound like a resilient, open minded person doing the best you can under some difficult conditions. You seem to have knowledge that could benefit others. You should fit right in here. Chime in as you feel inclined

The search function is your friend as is the thread marked 'Golden Nuggets".

Leetah

 

[Paqua]

Welcome

Welcome to the forum. Congrats on your little family. I am also new around here and we are in a monogamous, committed marriage but considering opening it. I am struggling with what I see on dating sites as it seem s so "hook up" and that is an immediate turn off for me. I need to emotionally and intellectualy connect first.

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings Meili,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I've found that googling "polyamory forum" brings us right to the top, but googling just "polyamory" doesn't seem to bring us up at all. So you're right, typing in the right word combination makes all the difference.

I'm very sorry both of your marriages ended badly. It sounds like your first husband wanted to exert extreme control over you, while the second one was just a flake. You deserve better; I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

I hope to get to know you better; have a look around and post your thoughts, questions, concerns, etc. as they come up.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!

 

[Spork]

Hello and welcome, Meili!

We have discussed a number of times here whether polyamory is more of an orientation (part of one's identity) or a choice of lifestyle...something you ARE or something you DO. I think mostly we come to the conclusion that it is either or both, as one sees fit. I think that one might live life doing poly for a very long time, or it might be a phase...and one might decide that mono is a better fit one day, or not, and one might do a mono relationship as a poly person and still keep many of the ideas and try to use them to make the mono relationship healthier and stronger. It seems to me that you're saying that you feel a natural draw to the idea, but haven't had much opportunity yet to explore it in a real world application...and that is fine! I just started trying to do this last year. And while I'm not 100% certain if it's the path for me ultimately, I am QUITE certain that many of the philosophies and ideas I've gained from poly writings and community will be part of how I do relationships for the rest of my life.

Depending on what sort of area you live in (near a big city? out in the country? what part of the world/country?) you may be able to connect with some actual poly meetups or social groups. I encourage you to look online and see if there are some where you can meet a group of people and make some friends. I know it might not be easy for you to get someone to watch your child while you do, but if possible, I think it would be worth your time.