Hi :)

S

Savvyannah

New member
Hi everyone.
I'm 34, happily married with 3 kids (I gave birth to two and am blessed to call our eldest my son "from my heart"
I've been watching a show called Sister Wives for a long time now, and reading about Poly families is something I've always been interested in.
Lately I've been finding myself drawn to this lifestyle and my husband is open to my ideas and thoughts.
I'm not 100% sure what I want, but in my heart I honestly feel that a poly-style of life could be something we could do well. I love the idea of having such a loving and caring environment and bringing children up this way as well.
While I don't know if we will ever become a poly family, it's something I really feel called to look into and at the very least find out more, both the good and the bad sides to it.
A few things holding me back is that I'm concerned about how it will affect my children, mainly because of society and the level of tolerance in our hometown and also I'm scared if I let someone else into our lives, and then it doesn't work out, how would I feel about that and how would that impact my family?
I would love to hear from people who are living in polyamory style families.
Thanks!
Savvyannah
 
Hello and welcome!

I'll let others chime in more on the issue of poly and children, since I don't have kids. If you do a tag search I'm sure you will find a lot of conversations to get you started - it is a hot topic here! I also remember an entire issue of Loving More magazine devoted to the topic. If you are interested in a first hand account I would recommend Loving Radiance's blog here - husband, boyfriend, kids, stepkids, half-siblings, grandkids - her family runs the gamut.

As for considering polyamory for yourselves - there are so many flavors and configurations - some are more "family style" (my husband, boyfriend and I live together for instance) and others are more "separate but equal" and still others have a more "heirarchical" style. Reading here, absorbing and sorting through how you feel about different topics, is an excellent place to start. Many couples who are opening up spend a LONG time in the "consideration" phase...and some never do but learn a lot in the process. (Others, unfortunately, jump right in without considering all of the ramifications...with varying results :cool:).

Enjoy your time here. Feel free to ask questions (be warned - you may not always like the answers - we are all individuals with our own experiences, biases, and writing styles :rolleyes:)

JaneQ
 
Hi Jane,
Thank you. I think I want more of a family style. I always considered myself straight but I feel that another woman in our family is what I want. I'm really confused about it all, and it's something I can't shake. finding this forum has helped me to feel so much more "normal" about how I am feeling and that it's ok.

Thank you for sharing with me.
 
Greetings Savvyannah,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Like JaneQ, I'm in a poly family (three adults) with no kids (unless you count our cat and dog). Most of the stories I've heard about poly and kids seem to turn out pretty well, but I also know of one or two scary stories about poly and kids. The one caution that comes to my mind is, "Don't force a third parent on your kids." If you find a woman who wants to join your family in a poly situation, let your kids decide for themselves if and how they want to relate with that woman.

There's a lot more that could be said in and around the subject of poly; study Polyamory.com and post more thoughts, questions, etc. as you go along. I'll be following this thread so you can always ping me here and I'll try to help.

Even if you decide poly isn't for you, you'll probably find that it's a very interesting thing to learn about. I'm glad you could join us, and hope you enjoy your stay.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Thank you. I'm still really confused about it all, but it's nice to find a place where it is safe for me to talk about it and not feel judged.
I *think* what I want is a family style of poly.. I want a style of sister wives, but I don't like the whole, one night here, one night there senario.
I guess the hardest part is, I'm not sure what I want is realistic, My husband is open to how I feel, and he understands why I feel the way I do and is supportive, but finding someone who is wants the same thing I want with my husband may never happen.
My ideal way of life would be a type of home that is a community, one big family with the children having love from all parents, but the parents in a relationship together. And that is where I get confused.
Thankfully I'm smart enough not to rush into anything and it may never happen, but I'm so grateful to find out I'm not the only person in the world who feels like this.
 
In the same boat...

Hello Savvyannah,

I wanted to introduce myself. I am also very new to the poly lifestyle. I consider myself a lesbian but have found men attractive. I have never been in a relationship with a man but do find the thought of being part of a committed triad within the realm of possibly. I would like to get to know you more. :eek:

Dawn
 
So Savvyannah, perhaps you are thinking all the adults will share a bed, rather than alternating beds?

I'm sure you will get things figured out, just keep posting and I'll be here to advise and listen.
 
kdt26417 said:
So Savvyannah, perhaps you are thinking all the adults will share a bed, rather than alternating beds?

I'm sure you will get things figured out, just keep posting and I'll be here to advise and listen.
Click to expand...

Yes... at least I think so.. Unless I want to be alone with my husband. but then that kinda seems unfair to the third person.. This is why I have so much to try and work out before we take any steps forward.
 
Moving in together is always complicated. It can evolve into something really beneficial for everyone in the home, but you will have to do a period of adjustment first.

Keep us posted on how things are going.
 
thanks. For now we are still working things out. I haven't even got a person we are seeing.. But I am open to it, as is my husband
 
That's cool. If and when you do find yourself seeing someone, you'll want to give them a voice in how things will be set up as well.
 
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