Hierarchy, Parallels and Kitchen Tables, Oh My!

Bobbi said:
You can do this all you want, but be prepared for NONE of the pre-planning and pre-thinking to be much help when things take a U turn, which they invariably will. Both my partner and I learned everything there was to learn, read all the books and binged podcasts and had it all figured out-- what I wanted, what I didn't want, how I would treat other relationships. But it all changed... again and again as I actually lived it. You cannot pre-think it out. You need to become a master of working on it on the fly. The only thing that hasn't changed is how I treat others and how I expect to be treated if someone wants to be in a relationship with me. Know what you want, but be open to change and ready to work through bumps on the fly.

It is NRE. Accept it. You two are strangers. I don't mean that you know nothing about each other, but you have no life experience together. You may have a ton in common and sparks to back it up, but you need to be in each other's daily life for some time to see ALL of it. This isn't a bad thing, nor is NRE. Just be aware of it and know it for what it is. Pretending it isn't there does you a disservice. Having your eyes open helps you see more clearly. Dismissing it and ignoring it will cause you to be blind and not see things that would be obvious to outsiders, because you have love blindness. The sooner you can see issues or problems, the quicker you can address them and hopefully have a successful relationship.

To be clear, we all want you to have success! It may seem like we are all trying to rain on your parade, but the more you know and the more you see, the better your chances of success.
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I am the type of person that spends months upon months developing a meticulously refined plan, and then proceeds to trash it and do what makes sense. I do this to give myself knowledge to make on the fly decisions. It’s not perfect, but hopefully some of that planning sunk in.

I will 100% admit that I am consumed by passion and love for my girlfriend. It’s real, but even my wife says that I have butterflies. So, I’ve got NRE and I’ve got it bad.

There seems to be some assumption that my bipolar disorder makes me insane or that I am not working with a psychiatrist on the regular to improve myself. Both are false.

I certainly am let’s say extra motivated by my emotions, impulsive, risk-seeking and charismatic. I also have less attachment to money. These are bad if you don’t regularly research and put yourself out there for criticism. I would argue that many neurotypical people don’t do that, but I am here. That deserves a bit of recognition, if not credit.

A story will illustrate my behavior as it stands. Early on, after we'd just settled into our poly structure, some emotions were running high. My girlfriend was, due to her past, having some doubts. It didn’t help that her work had canceled her time off for something that she was really looking forward to. Knowing her, I knew that she was about to enter a bad emotional state and that it could affect things as they stood. I made a choice to show her that I valued what we had. I bought a plane ticket and flew out on short notice to cheer her up and to meet her in person. What happened after was largely a daze, but we made some fond memories.

Did I spend in a way that was abnormal for me? Yes. Did I make an impulsive decision to travel on little notice? Yep. Did I take a risk asking my wife to do this immediately after establishing a new relationship? Definitely. Would I do it again? Absolutely. It was 100% worth it. She’s important to me, even if my behavior was childish, stupid and reckless.
 
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