it's been a while since I posted, poly life was going along pretty uneventfully. But eventually something always seems to happen and I am in need of some perspective.
My boyfriends other partner recently broke up with him and he is completely heartbroken. He regarded her his primary (even though she is married (like I am) and regarded him her secondary). They were together for almost four years and also in a D/s relationship (with him being the sub).
I have generalized anxiety disorder and have had it for as long as I can remember even though the label wasn't used until 15 years ago. I have had good and bad and really bad periods and lately there has been a really bad period. So bad that for the first time I have decided to start medication.
Bo has never really understood my anxiety (which I don't blame him for, I doubt anyone who hasn't experienced it can understand how debilitating it is), but lately, we were talking about it more and I educated him a little (using websites and youtube clips etc) and he was becoming more supportive, which was great.
Then the break up happened.
He is the kind of guy who retreats into his cave when something bad happens - binge watching tv, not sleeping, drinking a bit too much. I try to be there for him but he also wants to be alone (then again, asks how early can we meet tomorrow because I need you - so, sending mixed messages about that).
My 2 core anxieties are being left by the people I love, and being ignored by the people I love. These 2 are now being triggered in a major way and I don't know how to deal.
I have a ton of anxieties and obsessive thoughts and worries going through my mind. I know some of those are irrelevant and made worse by my illness, some are completely ludicrous, but some might be realistic and might need addressing. I just do not have the tools to untangle the mess.
My biggest fear I guess is that he will leave me because this heart break makes him realize just how 'secondary' and unimportant I am to him, now that he misses the person who was most important to him. Like, I was good for the role of secondary partner, but I won't do as the 'only' partner.
Another fear is that he won't break up with me but eventually, when he has healed, will look for a new primary / Domme (could even be 2 different persons I guess) and I already feel nauseous thinking about it, fearing I won't be able to cope with such a change in dynamic.
Also feeling selfish about not being able to just be there for him but worrying so much about myself.
My boyfriends other partner recently broke up with him and he is completely heartbroken. He regarded her his primary (even though she is married (like I am) and regarded him her secondary). They were together for almost four years and also in a D/s relationship (with him being the sub).
I have generalized anxiety disorder and have had it for as long as I can remember even though the label wasn't used until 15 years ago. I have had good and bad and really bad periods and lately there has been a really bad period. So bad that for the first time I have decided to start medication.
Bo has never really understood my anxiety (which I don't blame him for, I doubt anyone who hasn't experienced it can understand how debilitating it is), but lately, we were talking about it more and I educated him a little (using websites and youtube clips etc) and he was becoming more supportive, which was great.
Then the break up happened.
He is the kind of guy who retreats into his cave when something bad happens - binge watching tv, not sleeping, drinking a bit too much. I try to be there for him but he also wants to be alone (then again, asks how early can we meet tomorrow because I need you - so, sending mixed messages about that).
My 2 core anxieties are being left by the people I love, and being ignored by the people I love. These 2 are now being triggered in a major way and I don't know how to deal.
I have a ton of anxieties and obsessive thoughts and worries going through my mind. I know some of those are irrelevant and made worse by my illness, some are completely ludicrous, but some might be realistic and might need addressing. I just do not have the tools to untangle the mess.
My biggest fear I guess is that he will leave me because this heart break makes him realize just how 'secondary' and unimportant I am to him, now that he misses the person who was most important to him. Like, I was good for the role of secondary partner, but I won't do as the 'only' partner.
Another fear is that he won't break up with me but eventually, when he has healed, will look for a new primary / Domme (could even be 2 different persons I guess) and I already feel nauseous thinking about it, fearing I won't be able to cope with such a change in dynamic.
Also feeling selfish about not being able to just be there for him but worrying so much about myself.