H'ok So.....

So much to write about! Most good, a little not so good.

This past weekend I spent a long weekend down in NC. My brother and SIL are building a house down there right down the street from a couple that are 2 of their best friends. My dad also lives about 20 min from there. My brother had already been down there for days staying with the friends working on house plans and permit type crap, so I rode down with SIL after work on Thurs and we joined them the rest of the weekend. We got to the beach twice, cooked and ate super yummy food, and I got in a visit with my crazy dad who (whom?!) I haven't seen in years. I'm not very close with my dad and we don't talk often, but I know he enjoyed the visit and I was glad that I finally got to see him. He's just the type of person that I need to take in ultra low doses.

The couple that we stayed with have 2 young boys, and sadly one of them has... something? I think based on testing it's not technically autism because it doesn't hit enough criteria, so it's sorta like severe ADHD? But I think more than that. He's basically fine in terms of smarts, but he's way behind on an emotional level, so he will have tantrums and meltdowns over the SLIGHTEST thing. So every morning I'd wake up from some short tantrum. Mostly he was fine, but it's just the sort of thing that reminds me how much energy goes into raising kids (even the older one that was the opposite and very calm and responsible for his age). Yet more reinforcement that I wasn't born with parental drive. But also, DAYUM.... kudos to those that do it.

So I got back and then last night had to go pick up the snake and get him and his cage all situated in my apartment, and then made deviled eggs for a work potluck today! Sudo helped me with all that stuff. He continues to be less than thrilled about the snake :p On the other hand, the kitties are SUPER HAPPY about it, since they will now be able to spend HOURS per day staring at the cage like they used to do back when I had my previous snake!

Tonight, I have to swing by a friend's place to check up on her cat while she's on work travel, and then I need to run to the pet store to get some frozen mice and an additional night heat source for the snake cage. The guy who I bought the snake and supplies from was really nice and gave me his 2 small plastic cages that he's used for transporting the snake and live mice (when the snake went through a picky eating stage) as well as an electric thermometer.... basically all of his extra snake gear! I swear one of these days I'll not be too lazy to shrink a pic so that this site will let me post it.

Today, however, I'm also thinking that I need to have separate conversations with Sudo and Peach. RCT and I talked on the phone this morning because he had a LONG talk with Peach last night. Long story short, it sounds like Sudo is being a crappy hinge in terms of communication both between Peach and I, but also with RCT. Peach seems to think that they agreed not to talk about the separation/divorce until after our upcoming group vacation later this month, but also that they won't separate finances for a year (WTF?!). Sudo hasn't told me ANY of that and actually has indicated that he IS slowly but surely working with her on those things, but never will really tell me much. And while normally I'd be happy to say that it's not my relationship and not my business, when it comes to their house and financial situation, whatever plans they make DO impact RCT and I in terms of us doing this whole house hunting thing. Peach also is aware that we've been looking at houses, but apparently feels like everyone is trying not to tell her anything. She also wasn't aware that we were considering a shorter timeline on buying a house (this winter/spring) and also was under the impression from Sudo that RCT was DEFINITELY going to be going in on the house with Sudo and I rather than just POSSIBLY, depending on if we can find something that makes everyone happy. Basically, she mentioned feeling like everyone is just acting like their marriage is already over. Fuck.

UGH!

So at this point, RCT and I have no idea if Sudo is just doing a really shitty job of verbalizing decisions to each of the 3 of us (most likely), or if some of us are just misinterpreting things that he's saying (unlikely with me since I drag shit out of him, somewhat possible at least part of the time with Peach since she's sometimes a.... selective listener).

Now I'm left feeling like an ass even though I know I haven't done anything wrong. But mainly, I consider Peach my friend so now I feel like I need to cut out the middle man and let her know that regardless of what's been said or any impressions she's gotten from communication snafu's, I don't consider her relationship with Sudo over. Yes, it's changing, but I've always assumed that even if they get divorced and don't live together that they'd still be partners on *some* level and I would consider her as such unless she no longer wanted me to. But also that I want her to feel like she's being supported with her own decision to want to live with Joe, and that I don't want her to feel like things are being kept secret from her, etc. And while I don't think the rest of us can put our timelines on hold indefinitely while she decides what she wants, I'm not in any huge rush to force their relationship or moves in any direction. So basically, if she ever *does* feel like that, I want her to be able to talk directly to me and say "hey, this is how I'm feeling" and we can just clear that shit up. We have a kitchen table poly dynamic going on, so I want us to be able to interact as metamours AND friends and not just have to play telephone with Sudo all the time.

As for Sudo.... I kinda want to give him a WTF earful since I feel like he's been intentionally downplaying things to ALL of us because he's so damn afraid of telling anyone something they don't want to hear or don't agree with. Not. Cool. I'm about to go find some books on communication in relationships and give him a homework assignment to read that shit. I love him to death but holy hell does he suck at communicating sometimes!

At least now the rest of us have independently all determined that we can no longer just rely on Sudo to hinge all this info between us. Hell, he'll probably be happy about that.

I'm only *marginally* going to feel bad about giving him said earful tonight when his birthday is tomorrow. But at least I've already determined that I won't be lecturing him about it at all tomorrow.
 
Ok, issues are resolved. Whew.

I mean, we all still need to sit down and have a pow-pow to just ensure we're on the same page with our timelines. But Peach messaged me this morning that she had read my email late last night and she was very appreciative, so that was nice and I think we both feel better now. Then we joked about how Sudo is just "the worst, rustiest hinge" LOL. This is EXACTLY why I like kitchen table style poly. If there's an issue, I prefer to be able to interact directly with the person impacted rather than being forced to rely on a middle man.

Anyway...

Birthday dinner was fun. We ate way to much pasta and had tons of leftovers. Not that I need a bunch of pasta around when carbs hate me! I'm happy that Sudo will be at my place this weekend so we can have privacy for the weekend with lots of birthday sexy times. Plus, we're going to a poly meet-up brunch down the street that happens monthly. We haven't been able to make any of their events for a few months, so I want to get back into that!
 
Another weekend in poly paradise!!

I feel like people are going to get bored with reading this blog if I don't ever have anything more than some minor drama to write about!! LOL. That's ok though. I'll take bored or even no readers if it means poly bliss.

Sudo spent the weekend at my place, yay! I swear the closer I get to thinking that he'll live closer to DC and we'll live together, the more tired I get of the commute to his place! Really I don't mind it any time unless I spend the night there on a work night and have to drive into the city to my apt and then get to work. But I digress...

We stayed up so late on Thurs night that he and I were both pooped on Fri. We ended up going to bed around 9:30 to sleep for a few hours, only to wake up after midnight for some sexy times. The only bummer to the evening is that Boris (Peach's ex that she has still stayed friends with) messaged me late at night about 30 min before we woke up asking if we were home. Apparently he was in DC with his wife and a couple they are friends with. The others were all trashed (he drove so had sobered up by then) but the girls were being horrible to him and he had an anxiety attack and was going to just leave them but got guilted into driving them back to their city. His wife said some pretty terrible things to him and he was going to pack a bag and leave for the night but was afraid that he'd be driving all sleepy and upset so he crashed in the guest room, etc. Holy crap! (oh, well there's the drama I guess!). Anyway, I told him to let me know he was ok whatever he decided to do. The next morning later on I checked in. He and his wife went to an emergency couples therapy appointment (they had been just a few times before) so he was feeling a little better, but they basically have set a timeline that if things haven't started to improve in 3 months they're splitting up. The relationship is abusive on so many levels. Boris has his own issues to work through but he's been going to therapy and working on them. His wife was also doing individual therapy but it seems wasn't focusing on the issues that were impacting their marriage. They had only just recently started therapy as a couple. They have serious issues that I just don't know if enough progress can really be made in 3 months. Such a shame. We're supposed to go to their 10 year anniversary party in a few weeks, but I dunno, that just feels kinda awkward!

Anyway, the rest of the day was uneventful for Sudo an I. We did start Battlestar Galactica because I've never seen it any my friend has the box set. Both her and Sudo were telling me that I was "dead to them" if I don't watch it. :p

So then Sunday Sudo and I went to the local monthly poly brunch. I love that it's only a few blocks from me and we could just walk! I ended up finally meeting a guy in person that I'd talked to on and off on OKC, fetlife, and gchat for some time now (though in bursts since I think neither of us was hardcore trying to find other partners and just were being sidetracked by other things). It was a great brunch with probably 30 people! I met new folks, had fun conversation, was convinced that I need to see the new Ghostbusters movie, and worked things out with new-ish guy so that we both were like "OMG, we finally met and we need to actually hang out soon!"

Even Sudo got the number of a girl he was talking to and he's usually never the type to flirt or get his "game on" in large groups since he's a more shy and quiet kinda guy. <3

Of course, once we walked home and were both disgustingly sweaty, we threw together our things thinking that we'd go back to Sudo's and hit the pool..... and my car wouldn't start! So glad I have AAA, the came and replaced my battery, which as it turns out was 7 years old (it was a 7 year battery, so it was time). By the time we got on the road it was too late for the pool since Boris was over hanging out with Peach when we got there and I hadn't seen him in so long so I wanted to socialize a bit. That turned into us being told that we really need to watch the shows Sense8, Jessica Jones, and when it comes out, Luke Cage. How am I supposed to find time for all this TV?!

Anyway, fun visiting was had and the evening ended with watching more TV while Peach was also working on her budget stuff.... so super yay on seeing that progress happening and also feeling like I'm at least in the loop on what they hell they're doing so that I can plan my own life accordingly! But damn does Peach have a lot to learn about personal finances. I think once she actually gets it, she'll do fine, but right now she's feeling like it's overwhelming since she has to build something from scratch but also simultaneously try to factor in how her and Sudo are going to split certain bills and also try to find a way to estimate what her expenses will be at Joes.... it's lots of things to deal with all at once for someone who's never had to build a budget in their life (still boggles the mind, but not my show).

Tonight, I see Mr. Hyde, finally!! I've so been looking forward to it and am in need of a night of use an abuse! I can't say enough how yummy he is, and that I'm so glad I've had a chance to really dive into the D/s world from this perspective. Especially since I feel so lucky to have actually found a met a Dom that complements the specific areas of D/s that I enjoy (less of the formal protocol, more of a Primal element).
 
Drama or no, I read this. Mostly because anyone I know has an interest in BDSM, I read their stuff...I'm always interested in anything others want to share on how they enjoy this sort of thing in their relationships. :)
 
Spork, I follow your blog partly for that reason as well! Partly just because I enjoy it!

Speaking of BDSM, I'm enjoying some yummy marks today left by Mr. Hyde last night! It's interesting that I enjoy marks and even the light twinge of soreness that are marks/bruises, but the pain that it takes to get them isn't really my cup of tea. Not that I'm sucking it up and doing something that I hate, more just that pain and pleasure don't have the same amount of overlap for me that they do for many people into impact play. For me, it's definitely more about the D/s and pleasing my Sir. It's that element of "use me for whatever you want because you can and it's hot!" So far the impact play we've done usually doesn't leave marks that last overnight, but last night he decided to play with a cane and damn that shit stings!! So yeah, some amount of red stripes lingered into today, but that just meant that I could snap a pic of them to send him this morning that I knew he'd love.

Of course, all of this occasionally makes me twinge that I realize I don't Domme nearly as well for Sudo. Sure, I like to think of myself as a switch because I enjoy topping and even Doming sometimes, but if I'm going to be the Domme that Sudo deserves, and I think would like, I really need to take some time and educate myself and just get more skilled, which also means actually just us doing our own D/s thing more. I'm SUPER struggling with having just the partial D/s dynamic since we don't do it all the time. With Mr. Hyde, it's easy because he's never NOT my Dom.

I've also just noticed that things haven't been the same since Peach ended her relationship with Boris and Natasha and started spending more weekends at their house, which meant Sudo and I weren't alone. When we had the house to ourselves, we just would be naked or half clothed all the time, so sex and kink was often more impromptu and just whenever we wanted. When we're all 3 there, that doesn't happen and neither of us seem to really want to take the initiative to drag the other off to the bedroom for a long time in the middle of the day and just... leave Peach doing whatever she's doing.... even if we were all sort of doing our own thing already. Which is silly in one sense because when Peach has a partner around she has no problem disappearing with them for sexy times whenever she wants. We all know that no one else is going to be offended by it, yet from our end, we just hesitate. I really want to break that habit if we're going to continue considering living with RCT. I'm super over not going to bed and considering sex until late at night when I'm just way to tired to drag out the toy bag. Then again, I'm not the submissive person in this particular relationship... so it probably needs to be on ME to be doing this. Le sigh!

In other news, since I was seeing Mr. Hyde last night I did at least tell Sudo that if he started worrying or just feeling bad about it or whatever, I wanted him to in that moment, write down what he was thinking/feeling to help him better work through those thoughts/feelings later. He can share with me if he wants but doesn't have to. Not sure if he managed to do that or not since he also had work to do and helped Peach with more budget stuff. But I at least planted that seed so I'm hoping that it will help him. I really want him to be in a better place with that if we're going to live together and there would then be a necessity for me to be able to have Mr. Hyde over potentially while he's actually home (though we want a house that has plenty of separation and insulation between bedrooms for partly that reason in terms of having guests).
 
Marks, I love marks. And sore bruisey spots. Especially if I can press into them days later and feel them still.

But I am right there with you on not necessarily getting pleasure from pain. My first flogging I most certainly wasn't getting turned on, but I was determined to take it like a champ. And I dealt with it until the point arrived where my brain did what it is supposed to...and I got the first magical high, and then the pain, well, it's just different. It's still not turning me on exactly. And it still registers as pain, it's just it doesn't hurt so much and it becomes much easier to take, and then I want it. I'm all into the rhythm of it. I find it's best if there is good music along with it, too...I tend to prefer rock and industrial.

For quite a while, I could not imagine blending pain play with sex play. That has changed, with Zen. But it's largely because of that reciprocal partner energy exchange business where I know something is turning him on, so THAT turns ME on. And also, when I'm pain-high, and he tones it down a moment to press his body against me, or caress me, or even get a good Dom-hold on my neck or the back of my hair...swoony deliciousness. So we've achieved more crossover between the two things than I ever expected to enjoy.

How's your new snakie doin'?
 
Leonidas is doing ok. I took him out of his cage for the first time last night since bringing him home. I had fed him 2 different days so I wanted him to have time to settle and also digest. He was NOT happy about me opening up his cage and was vibrating his tail to warn me off! I was slow with him but after giving him some time to get used to me standing there near the cage took him out anyway since I want him to get used to my scent. Once I was holding him though he seemed fine. I'm wondering if the cats constantly hovering around his cage is the issue or just all the new sights and smells. The cats will certainly calm down after a while and he'll also adjust, so I think all will be will be fine.

I'm curious to find out if more pain play over time makes the pain easier for me to handle, or if I can eventually get to that place where the pain and pleasure blend. I certainly would like for that to happen!

Speaking of pain, what were some red stripes yesterday are now ugly purple bruises today :eek: I mean, I certainly don't mind the bruises, I just wasn't expecting it at all! Then again, I do bruise easily. I called Mr. Hyde a bully and sent him a pic :p As I expected, he admitted to being a bully with the little grinning devil face emoji. Cute
 
It is my understanding that when the same areas are played with often, it gets much harder to bruise them and the bruises fade much faster. That has definitely been the case with my backside. And other parts...seems Zen does the same things, but the damage is less and the healing is quicker now.

But if he wants to leave a mark, he can still put one on an area that doesn't get as much regular attention, like my thigh, and it will be pretty. I like the purple. I love all the marks. He got a dragon-tongue whip at Thunder and it leaves sort of long V-shaped red/purple marks, and there was a beautiful one on my leg from last time we scened.

They always love the pictures. Aren't sadists adorable?
 
For what it's worth, I have found that the more I've done impact play combined with sex, the more sexual the pain has become. (TMI?) I always had some level of "the right kind of pain is arousing"... but a few weeks ago Artist actually made me have something adjacent to an orgasm (it wasn't quite one, but it wasn't quite NOT one either) just from spanking. Surprised both of us, LOL...

As for music? If you're into industrial for scening you might enjoy this - an acquaintance of mine in the scene who's a DJ... https://www.mixcloud.com/UrbanMonkey/
 
icesong said:
For what it's worth, I have found that the more I've done impact play combined with sex, the more sexual the pain has become. (TMI?) I always had some level of "the right kind of pain is arousing"... but a few weeks ago Artist actually made me have something adjacent to an orgasm (it wasn't quite one, but it wasn't quite NOT one either) just from spanking. Surprised both of us, LOL...

As for music? If you're into industrial for scening you might enjoy this - an acquaintance of mine in the scene who's a DJ... https://www.mixcloud.com/UrbanMonkey/
Click to expand...

Voodoo does a Pandora playlist at some of the parties that features lots of Rammstein, Tool, Rob/White Zombie, NIN, Marilyn Manson, etc. Stuff that reminds me of my teenage years in the 90's, which given what I was up to then, is goddamn perfect. There was a band called Prick that only ever put out one CD, but they opened for my first concert (Bowie and NIN) in 1995. I wish the club played a digital playlist instead of a streaming one; I'd get their song "Tough" on there... when I listen that, or "Head Like a Hole" all I can think of is the smacks and squeals, and the feeling of a flogger. YUM.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lenhs6t_M4

(Tough)

Of course if I were setting up the playlist I'd sneak some more gothy industrial and sensual gothish mojo in, also circa 90s...Electric Hellfire Club, anyone?
 
Icesong, certainly not TMI. I'm very difficult to offend and your post is informative, so thanks! I often keep the details of my own sexy times to a minimum on this blog but that's mainly because anonymity only goes so far on the internet, so I just try not to be all like "omg, his dick felt amazing slamming into my vajayjay last night!!" In the event that people in my life happen to ever connect the dots with this blog I'd like to know that I still maintained at least a hint of my own privacy. Plus, that's just not my style, I'm usually not one to go into explicit detail with others about my sex life. However commenters on my blog are welcome to go into whatever detail they like! Especially if it's like what you did and provided educational, informed commentary for an interesting discussion on kink!

In response to your comment, I certainly am hoping that as my experience and exposure to pain play continues, it gets easier and more pleasurable. Honestly, even if it never becomes pleasurable I'd just like it to jerk me out of a pleasure zone so much. Currently it's startling enough that it can basically be like a reset button for that pleasure build-up!

As for musical tastes, I'll be the first one to admit that I suck at all the little subgenre distinctions (industrial vs metal vs whatever) though from what I've often read and heard other people say regarding the band's I like I *think* my musical preferences tend to lean more toward the hardcore, metalcore, metal side of things? So currently I'm all about Parkway Drive, Killswitch Engaged, Stick to Your Guns, The Ghost Inside, etc.

Spork, that Playlist you're talking about sounds like my high school days! Actually, my first concert ever was Marilyn Manson back in 1999 when I was in 7th grade. My mom took my brother and I... She was mortified. Lol. I mean, she heard his music because we played it in the house, but his theatrical performance was a bit of a shock. It was still one of the most incredible performances I've ever seen from a live show in terms of the entertainment value, as he is an actual performer eith costume changes and set changes, not just jumping around on stage!
 
Funny thing... I was 17 or 18, it was circa 1996-1997 when my Great-Aunt bought my Marilyn Manson concert tickets for me and I went...I'd liked his music for a few years, and I was pretty excited about seeing him live. But by that time I'd already seen GWAR at least once and a couple of other shows here and there.

Hate to say it but the live show actually kind of ruined it for me. It was a sort of Pink Floyd's The Wall rip off, with the big banners that might have had hammers or at least something very similar, and he came off to me as SO pretentious. Just...up there going on about how he's the antichrist and all. And something in me was like, "Dude, Bob or Brian or whatever your name really is...you're really not. You're just some guy."

That formed a lot of the foundation for what bands I appreciate the most for probably the rest of my life...since I later got mostly into really clever multi-talented performance art types. I still like quite a number of songs by others, even Manson but I wouldn't go to see the show, at this point... My top 3 favorites, I have at least met and had conversations with the artist(s) and there's more to it than the music, though I love that part. GWAR (and all side projects), March Fourth Marching Band, and Voltaire. Since they're punk/metal, big jazzy brass band, and goth indie folk pirate guy...I can't say I'm "mostly" into any particular genre, other than "weird."

But industrial is really fun for scening. That's the genre that Manson was in, goth/industrial, at the time. Same as Nine Inch Nails.

EDIT: Icesong: I'm listening to Urban Monkey now, very nice!
 
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Oh yeah, personality wise I wouldn't be surprised if he was a bit of a douche, I just liked that the theatrics went eith the songs and lyricsso it felt like watching a showy performance. BUT a big part of it was also just the crowd energy in general. I love the feeling of the vibes coming off the crowd and just how the energy is so palpable in the air!

Nowadays all the bands I see aren't super showy and the concert is still awesome, still high energy, and a blast. And those bands are more apt to talk and interact with the crowd more, which I also really love.
 
Sitting in the airport on my layover to head to cancun with Sudo!! Peach and Joe will be joining us 2 days later for the remaining 4 nights of the trip. We went to this same resort (Desire - Riviera Maya) last year and had so much fun. Amazing food, yummy drinks, sexy naked people, dancing, sun bathing, pool sized hot tubbing... Life is about to be perfect for 1 week! And then when I come back, a date with Mr. Hyde. All is right in the world! Plus, the bruises he left on me from our last session are finally mostly faded so people won't notice :p
 
Well that was a great vacation!

I partied hard and actually needed a day to recover when I got home. I'm still exhausted, in fact!

So Wed last week was my last day in the office before leaving. I worked a little later trying to wrap up some things, scooted home, threw all my crap in some bags and rushed up the road to Sudo's place so that we could pack for the trip. Of course that means I ended up forgetting his sexy boxer briefs with neon green piping on them that he would have worn to neon night at the resort club! gah!

So then we got up in the wee hours of the morning after abour 2.5 hours of sleep to Uber to the airport and catch our early morning flight. We got the the resort and were able to check in immediately, get our rooms, go grab some lunch and get naked at the pool! If I haven't described it before, this is a clothing optional, adults only resort. So basically most people are naked unless they're eating or dancing in the club. The eating areas require clothing that usually amounts to lingerie for the women and beach casual for the men (unless at the fancier restaurants where men will wear linen pants or slacks and a collared shirt). The club as theme nights, like neon night, sexy costume night, lingerie and masks, etc.

It was such an amazing stay. Everyone was really social so we met some really cool people and just laughed our asses off all day while drinking (but not getting wasted and being a hot mess) and then later dancing our asses off and heading to the hot tub. The resort tends to get a lot of swingers, so there's TONS of flirting going on, but people were very respectful of boundaries and for the most part didn't act pervy or anything like. There was one guy that was a little aggressive with the flirting, especially since we all found out that he lives right by Sudo and I, so he really wanted to exchange contact info and I assume get us to come to their parties. Depending on if they required couple swapping or solo play I might have even considered it if we could have a casual beer first or something and get to know people, but then apparently we found out he said something pretty rude about Peach and she found out from Joe after we got home and was upset and cried (I think it was weight related) so we just lost his number. If he didn't find her attractive, that's fine, but he can at least keep his mouth shut and not be a dick, so we lost interest at that moment.

The biggest development is that Sudo and I had our first ever threesome while there with this really great woman we had been talking to all week. So it was also my first girl on girl encounter... and I've at least now confirmed that I am NOT bi. haha. It was fun just as a threesome in general, and I gave it a shot out of curiosity (definitely was not pressured into it by Sudo, before a bunch of raging feminists jump to my defense when I don't need it). I'd even do it again with the right girl, but girl on girl action was neither a turn on or a turn off for me... it was just... meh. Well I should say me giving anything to a woman. From a receiving perspective it was still great, but women have hands and mouths just the same as men, so I basically knew that would be the case. We made Sudo's night though and gave him some sensual torture and just rocked his world. Not before us ladies got ours first though. Sudo is a gentleman ;)

Oh, and we also met this cool Canadian chick who does events and promotional stuff for the show the Bachelor. I don't watch it but I know people get into it and she was going to another resort to meet up with 2 of the previous bachelor guys or something I guess as an event at that resort. But she's also working toward becoming a sexologist, and does relationship talks on alternative relationships and such. She's more on the swinger side of things than poly so she was asking Sudo and I all sorts of questions and was genuinely interested in learning from another perspective.

So anyway, we get back super late on Monday (ordering a pizza to be delivered at 12:30 at night right as we're pulling up to the house from the airport... because why not?!). The next day, Tues, I took off to recover from my vacation. Whew! I did laundry and all that sort of thing, started watching and powered through like 6 episodes of Jessica Jones (amazing!) and then went to bed.

Yesterday, I did NOT have fun getting up at 6am for work. The day was crazy with catching up on all I'd missed for a week, and then after work I went to see Mr. Hyde at his air BnB that's around the corner from his actual place (wife and kids and all that making his place not usable unless they're all out of town or something). OMG, that man rocks my socks! I love having sex with both of my men, it's such a different experience with each. Especially since with Sudo usually I'm leading, so I like to think of it as me fucking him, whereas with Mr. Hyde he is definitely fucking me. Except he'd tied me up to the bed with my undies on and didn't want to have to untie everything later, so I said it was ok if he cut them off (this is why I can't always wear my fancy expensive panties with this man!). The only thing that would have been better would be if he'd just ripped them off like a ravenous animal! Anyway, lots of great sex and then headed home and crashed at 1:30 in the morning only to get up again today at 6 for work.... I am running on fumes. But I have a late meeting at work, then book club, then Sudo will be over.

Sheesh! I'm glad I'm teleworking tomorrow so that I can sleep in just a bit longer.

Sudo is also still really struggling with me seeing Mr. Hyde, so I think we're going to talk about that more this weekend. He hates that it bothers him but can't seem to get it out of his head. I'm hoping that by him doing the writing exercise that I asked him to that he can do a better job of explaining to me what specifically some of his concerns/insecurities are so that we can talk through them. In the meantime, I'm letting him feel his feels and validating that he can have his feelings, and he's having his feeling but not asking me to change my life based on his reaction. So I'm still very happy with where we're at and hope that he can feel better about some of it soon.
 
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Today is my 2 year anniversary with Sudo!! He had a very pretty and super fragrant bouquet of flowers delivered to me at work, so I've been smelling them all day. EEEEEE!!! Plus, I like having them here because kitties can't eat flowers and get sick, and I don't have to keep them up away from animals which generally also means not really in sight and not good light. And while he knows that flowers are mandatory on this day (don't care if they're expensive flower shop flowers or hand picked wild flowers or cheap grocery store flowers, just flowers), he still gets all the bonus points!

Tonight we have a reservation at the restaurant where we had our first date. We did this for our last anniversary too and I think maybe we'll make this an annual thing! It's fun, nice but not CRAZY fancy, and just a manageable thing without us blowing a ton of money on each other. And I LOVE the nostalgia of just reliving our first date once a year, cause it just feels cute and sentimental to me. I love sappy stuff like that!

I have some origami love notes that I need to write and fold up for him before tonight so that he can open them later <3
 
Anniversary evening was so great! I met Sudo at the restaurant and he was half way into his first Sailor Jerry and Coke. He'd had a long day. lol.

The food was soooo yummy and even after 2 years the conversation just flowed and flowed like it did on our very first date there. Plus, when we don't have food on the table we always hold hands across the table while we talk, which I just think is adorably cute and romantic. *sigh*

We made our way home and I got Sudo a little tipsy/drunk and then just worked him over with some great sexy times. He also said some really nice emotional but serious stuff that was super sweet and is the sort of thing that's usually really hard for him to say.

As wonderful as the evening was, and it was wonderful, the more I can finally get Sudo to spill some of the more emotional stuff with me, the more obvious it becomes that he seems to have some internal shame around some of his kinks that make him "wonder why I put up with him." And while I've been surprised by some of his kinks, I'm certainly not turned off by any of them and am happy to indulge him. Plus, I love the reaction when he's just blissed out on pleasure and sensations. It's amazing! So without killing the mood I just asked him if he trusted me, which he's told me a million times that he does, so I said he needs to trust me when I say that I'm happy and that I love him for who he is and I'm ok with all his kinks, etc. I think it helped and then we could just get right back into enjoying all that kinky bliss we were having.

Really, the only down-side of the whole evening is that I'm just coming off of the tail end of a yeast infection, so I was being slightly more limiting in what I would let him do to me. But he can make up for it this weekend ;)

Plus, my flowers have opened up even more today and are SUPER fragrant. SQUEEEEE!!! I just so love my life right now.
 
Oh boy, bring on the drama! haha. OK, so have I ever mentioned that I hate drama? I just don't have a high tolerance for bullshit.

So tomorrow night Sudo and I are going to a Shabbat dinner that a poly jewish couple we know are hosting. They're not uber religious so they're having the dinner but it's very much just a way to get friends together, so you don't have to be religious to attend.

Well Sudo's ex, has also RSVP'd to be there. Their breakup didn't go well and she basically ended it with an overly dramatic "I never want to speak to you again" type of thing. Well, it didn't start that dramatic, it started with her just saying that she wasn't happy and felt like she wasn't being treated equally between her and Peach, turned into her pushing trying to have conversations with Peach when the 2 really didn't like each other and Peach didn't want to talk to or deal with her at all, and then the ex basically saying that because Sudo wasn't willing to fix it or who knows what, that she never wanted to speak to him again. DRAMA! From what I've heard about her from both Peach and several others in the polycule that had been around her back then, many didn't seem to really like her, just Sudo. I get the impression that her idea of "equality" and his were very different considering Sudo felt like he loved them both equally, but she seemed more concerned about, I dunno, time? being able to spend more time at his place? things like that? But hey, when your meta hates you and it's HER house too, you can't expect to just be able to come over whenever you want. I got the impression that Sudo usually went to her unless Peach was already gone from the house. The whole thing sounds like a shit show to me. Again, drama. Bleh. I was indifferent to her other than not liking how hurt Sudo was over the break-up. I can only imagine how difficult it is to be the hinge in the middle of 2 partners that don't like each other, but both want to be highly involved in your life. That is just impossible!

Anyway, Sudo and I did see her at a poly happy hour where she ignored our existence the whole night (I think I wrote about it once). That was easier since there were dozens of people there. But I personally just thought it was petty and childish given that I think they'd been broken up for over a year, so that right there basically meant that I wasn't a fan of her.

This is going to be dinner of 12-16 people in a 2 BR apartment.... this should be super fun! LOL

I have no problem being civil and polite to her, I'm just itching to see how she acts. Peach originally thought that at the happy hour she'd be cozying up to me and trying to be my BFF to learn everything about me (apparently that was part of why Peach really didn't like her, she felt like the ex was basically trying to turn herself into Peach.... dying her hair the same color, dressing more like her, moving into Peach's profession, just all these things that just reached creepy level to her).

So she might either make things super awkward by refusing to look at us or talk to us, which I won't feel bad about as I'll continue to have fun talking to everyone else.... or she'll just act all BFF friendly, in which case, I have no idea if she's going to ask about things that would probably feel like jabs at her, but wouldn't be intended to be (but I'd probably be smiling on the inside about).... like what if she or someone in earshot asks how long Sudo and I have been together? Well we just celebrated 2 years.... but my first date with Sudo was the day after she broke up with him. Or if any conversation indicates how well Peach and I get along. I mean, I'm not going to censor my life just because she's in the room. I don't need to go out of my way to say these things, but much of this is going to be different poly people getting to know other poly people, so some of it is probably just bound to come out. So I'm just laughing on the inside at how crazy tonight might possibly be, or that it could actually be totally calm. I mean, ultimately it's not MY drama, so I just get to have fun talking to people and watch the shit show unfold. But given that I've already been pretty off-put by what I know of her and that one non-interaction, I just can't manage to feel any sort of bad about it.

Am I a terrible person? Probably. Oh well!
 
I posted about how to deal with the ex drama on the main boards, but basically she was childishly ignoring Sudo and mostly ignoring me as well. Whatevs. I had a blast and had great conversation with the other people there. Most of them I had met before, but several of them only like once at the local happy hour. There is one couple we'd gone to dinner with twice and seen at other social events. So fun! The ex just ended up limiting herself from mingling as much since many of us were sitting around the coffee table and her and her husband sat over at the dining table (was still very close since it was an apartment) with the host couple that were up and about doing things with food too. I just really enjoyed seeing many of those there, it was definitely a blast. Next encounter will be a poly ladies brunch hosted by the wife of this same host couple. If I go, I'll be late since I have a birthday breakfast to attend that morning, but again, not messing with my social plans just for her. And without Sudo present, she might actually be more cordial with me and not awkwardly avoid conversation.

Anyway, after the dinner, we spend Fri night at my place, but then Sat morning had to head back to Sudo's to meet Peach, Joe, and Bug for breakfast before they went to the Ren Fair. And my battery light came on during the drive. W.T.F?! I just replaced the battery a week or 2 ago, brand new! So apparently it was probably my alternator (though the battery was at the end of life anyway so not a loss). We made it to his place after a super yummy group breakfast and Sudo charged up my battery. We spent the rest of Sat and Sunday gloriously naked around the house since we had it to ourselves. There were good sexy times and just naked cuddles and a marathon of Battlestar Galactica since I've never seen it (we finished what we had left of season 1). But then when I drove home Sun night... battery light. And then it died about 6 blocks from my apt. Well, sorta died? My dashboard cut off and all, but the engine was still running, so I tried to sputter the rest of the way until it actually died as I was turning the corner around the block from my apt. So there I was with my car half sticking out into the driving lane. Sudo had smartly sent his battery charger with me, but it just couldn't do the job without taking a long time, so I called AAA for a tow. Meanwhile, I left my hazards on and unloaded my car to get all my stuff into my apt. The tow truck driver finally got there, but he was familiar with my shop and said he'd never have a place to drop the car! They have very little parking and often have to shuffle the cars around during the day.... city life! So he towed my car into a parking spot at the end of the street 1 block down and said I should get towed to the shop in the morning. Ugh! So glad all this is covered under my AAA plan! Meanwhile, it was now 10pm and I still had to make the fruit and nut bars that I was planning to give Mr. Hyde as a birthday gift the next night.

I get inside, start making the recipe (no bake) and realize that even though I'd made 2 separate trips to the grocery store to get all the ingredients for these bars, I'd still missed 1. ARGH! Fortunately, it was something I knew the bars would be fine without, so I kept going, and then my overhead kitchen light cut out while I was making them. F.M.L. Not a standard bulb so I couldn't just replace it. And during all of this, my mouth was just aching from a new invisalign set, probably my worst one in a long time. I decided to pop 2 Tylenol PM and go to bed before more crap started breaking on me!

The next morning, I got up and cut and wrapped the breakfast bars and then called for a tow (I'd emailed work the night before to let them know I'd be in late). It took longer to deal with everything then planned, so I was just starting to head to work when I decided that it wasn't worth it and I just took the rest of the day off. From there, things went uphill! I grocery shopped, cleaned, read a book, took a nap, and just enjoyed the rest of my day. Whew! And then Mr. Hyde came over and rocked my socks. I was really worried about the breakfast bar thingies. They weren't hard like a granola bar, more soft and chewy, and I wasn't sure if he'd like them or not, but I was trying to be thoughtful since they're vegan and gluten free, and he's a vegetarian and works out and tries to be healthy. Plus, he's always on the go with teaching and his kids, etc. So I was pumped when this morning he thanked me again for them and said he ate one on the way home and then already had another one this morning!! And he appreciated that I did something that had plenty of protein and wasn't packed with a bunch of refined sugar and flour :) WIN!

I think sometime in the next month I'm going to make apple dumplings and I'll give him one. While that's totally unhealthy and against the whole flour thing, he did tell me recently that while he doesn't really like cake much, in terms of desserts he likes chocolate, ice cream, and fruit pies. So I think he'll really enjoy a homemade apple dumpling. And they're like a fall family tradition for me since my mom made them every year when I was a kid, so now I make them some years.

He was also really thoughtful about giving me a heads up that he's going to set up an OKC profile and link it to his wife's but mainly he's hoping to find 1 more regular partner. He assured me though that he doesn't intend for it to cut into the time that we've set aside. It does make me a feel some feels that if he has extra time, he wants another partner vs trying to get in some extra time with me... but I know that's not really about me. I think that's more about he and his wife agreeing on what they're comfort level is right now with opening up and how often they want to see other partners (2-3 times a month for any given partner). I'm assuming that's their way of sort of easing into things and making sure that no one gets carried away and neglects each other or family or other obligations. Or maybe it's their way of just setting their own boundaries for not wanting escalator relationships? I try not to dig into that sorta thing with him too much since I don't want him to feel like I'm pushing for more than he wants to give, since I do enjoy what we have. And realistically, more time with Mr. Hyde would probably just give Sudo even more anxiety :/ While technically that's his stuff to work through, I still don't like knowing that it hurts him so much, and in a way that he just doesn't really seem to know how to address or fix other than to let it ride and hope he gets over it eventually.

Anyway... so now Sudo is on the way to the shop to pick up my car for me since he leaves work before I do and works closer to the shop. As I suspected, the alternator was shot, and they said the belt could stand to be replaced too. Plus, I was overdue for an oil change, so there goes $700. But I have the car back as of tonight so life goes on. Good thing too since I'll be running all over the place this weekend. The rest of my week is back to the usual, but this Sat I'm going to the MD wine festival with Sudo and a bunch of my friends from hometown, so day drinking fun to be had! Then Sunday we're having a birthday cookout at my mom's for my brother.... who I still need to get a gift for! Realistically I'm just going to get him a gift card to Lowes or Home Depot since he's doing some work on his townhouse to eventually sell it, and then also working toward building future house.... probably. That plan apparently has some stuff happening. But he doesn't need "stuff" taking up space, and he does need to pay for house repairs, so even though I hate giving gift cards since I think they have no thought put into them, it's actually the most useful thing for him right now.

Really soon here I need to find a weekend that doesn't have crap going on. Sudo is much more introverted than I am and is really wanting us to have more home alone with no plans time :/ I would love that, but I also want to see my friends, and my family, and do fun things. Really I just need more days in a week! Or for Sudo to get another g/f! LOL
 
I am a horrible person! I COMPLETELY forgot Mr. Hyde's birthday on Wed until he reminded me. We had sorta celebrated Mon night since I gave him the homemade bars, and all, and then work and life got busy between car stuff, etc. So His actual birthday rolls around and I'm busy enough at work that I just spaced and didn't message him all day. Well come 4:45 he's like "hey, all ok?" and since he's never sent me a text like that before, and he never responded to the long one I sent the day before, I was thinking something happened, or maybe he didn't get my last text so thought I just never replied to him the day before. So I was just like "yeah, why?" to which he responded that... not to sound like a whiny bitch, but after running around all day doing gym and then birthday stuff with kid and wife, when he finally got back to paying attention to his phone, it was a little bummed that he didn't have a message from me, but mainly in the "I hope she's not having a bad day" kinda way. And even though he threw out the word BIRTHDAY, I STILL DIDN'T GET IT! So I was just all like "oh no, just with my car breaking down and work being busy I've not been great at being talkative and haven't been proactively messaging anyone lately!" (meanwhile, I'd been chatting to Sudo online for a while, but he was the one who initiated the convo with me, not the other way around).

And then suddenly, my brain clicked and registered the word birthday, and I was like "oh, fuck!" and had to send this big apology email like "OMG, I owe you a happy birthday and I'm the worst!!" I felt like a total idiot. I mean, ok, in the grand scheme of things it really wasn't a big deal... but if our roles had been reversed I'd have been bummed if by 5pm he hadn't bothered to message me with a simple "Happy Birthday!" even. So we messaged a bit longer, and I felt less bad. Plus, he sounded like he had a great birthday still.

The rest of the week wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Sudo and I both had Friday off though, so he spent Thurs with me and then Fri we just had the whole day to be lazy together. We ordered some new toys, which arrived Friday (paddle, bondage tape, and safety shears) and had some really awesome play. I don't think I want to constantly be a sexual Domme to him, but I'm certainly starting to feel like I'm coming more into my own. I think having a better variety of implements to work with so that I can mix things up based on what I'm feeling at the moment is helping. Over the weekend we definitely spent more time looking at other stuff on etsy and will probably either make or pick up several more items. I also saw a really cool canvas holder for things like canes and such. A flat piece of fabric with pockets that could be rolled and then tied closed. I have a sewing machine so I'm going to try making one myself!! If it turns out well, maybe I'll even make one for Mr. Hyde as a Christmas present or something since I know he's interested in having a better holder for some of this tools.

On Sat, Sudo and I went to the MD wine festival and met up with some of my friends from back around hometown area. We sampled a bazillion wines but didn't get super drunk, and then we ended the day in the cheese tent. Oh. Em. Gee. Have I ever said on here how much I like cheese? Cheese is great! Sudo has an entire drawer of cheese in his massive fridge, I love it. Well we tried so many yummy cheeses and a few spreads and I ended up buying 3 blocks of cheese, a jam, and 3 bottles of wine. Score!! Such a fun day, and was great to see some friends that I really don't get to see very often.

Sunday was then a lazy day where we just stayed in bed until almost 11. We did eventually cook out steaks on the grill with RCT and his new friend/crush that he worked with on a recent job, but is sadly moving away this coming weekend. He's going to see her again tonight, though she's got a boyfriend and is moving, so he knows that he's just torturing himself at this point!

But the hilarious point in the night was that we have a chalk board posted right inside their front entrance, and we wrote the "house rules" on it, most of which apply to RCT, but several of which are completely embarrassing.... like "no masturbating on all of the things!" (running joke since he always says that when he's home alone he's just going to lay around the house naked and jerk off) or that "all shall wear matching underwear!" and "all sex toy packaging shall be thrown away in trash cans with lids!" (ok, that one was my fault). Anyway, his crush friend texted him that she'd just arrived and after he ran down the stairs to meet her at the door we heard him yell "god damnit, the rules are still up!" and then followed by "they won't come off!" (wiping the chalk wasn't working and the board apparently was on the wall pretty securely). I thought he had finally gotten it off the wall before opening the door, but apparently he couldn't and just ushered her upstairs to the main living area quickly. :rolleyes: So we all got a pretty great laugh out of that!

I have more stuff that I want to write about, but I think I'll save that for another post....
 
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