How do you find that someone for a threesome

[rda509]

My husband and I are new to this. Not sure we are Poly or just interested in a third. I am very bi-curious and have a strong desire to be with a woman. We have a strong and wonderful sex life and are not lacking in the love department at all. We have talked for years about this mainly him telling me that he would really like me to experience being with another woman. I know what everyone is thinking, he is just trying to get me to be with a woman so he will have another. That is not him, I have been married to him for 25 years and our love and sex gets better daily. He has told me he doesn’t have to be around, just wants to know when so he will know in case I need him if things aren’t the way I thought. BUT, I do not want and will not do it without him being there. I love him and will share if she is willing. We are both in our 50’s and are at a point in our lives we are comfortable with ourselves personally and financially. Naturally we have professional lives and discretion is very important to us. I would like to fulfill my desire, if hubby can participate that would be great. If all goes well hopefully it could last for ever and who knows, it could turn into more. It may be the beginning of a Poly lifestyle we are open minded couple.

I think you get the idea. The problem is I/we have no idea where or how do go about finding that someone. We live in East Texas, within a couple hours from Dallas/Ft.Worth and Houston as well. Any help would be appreciated.

 

[AlwaysGrowing]

I would recommend checking out groups/sites/ clubs for swingers (best options vary by location). You'll find more people comfortable with the discretion/secrecy aspect, and you will know they're into the sexual side primarily - they will also likely be more comfortable with your husband being present or involved, especially if you're comfortable with their partner being present or involved as well. Then if you realize you ARE bi and polyamorous, you could try actually dating someone.

 

[kdt26417]

Hello rda509,

I don't know if you are up to a road trip, but Austin is said to be pretty poly friendly. Also you could try some poly friendly dating sites; here are the ones I know of:

• https://bare.dating/
• https://polyfinda.com/
• https://en.lovoo.com/#/
• https://www.okcupid.com/
• https://www.kasidie.com/
• http://www.beyondtwo.com/
• https://www.lavalife.com/
• https://www.openminded.com/
• http://adultfriendfinder.com/
• http://www.polymatchmaker.com/

The advantage with a dating site is that it's easier to maintain discretion (which is always a challenge). I hope this info helps.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

 

[Magdlyn]

Welcome to the board.

So many formerly mono couples are so used to doing (almost) everything as a couple, that when they decide to Open, they assume they will just "share a third"! It seems so obvious. And it makes for great fantasies when you are sharing sex. "Imagine a woman is in bed with us. What do we do?" That kind of thing.

The reality is, if you are truly seeking love with another partner, to date a woman who will become a serious long-term partner for you, the chances that she will also be into your husband long term are slim to none. Successful fully equal triads are so rare, we call that hot bi babe who would be as into your h as she is into you a "unicorn." She doesn't exist. She is mythical.

I'd recommend swinging too, if you are determined to "share a third." There you will find (casual) FMF sex threesomes galore. (Also, creepy men will hit on you, but that can be dealt with, I guess.) Also, you can go to swinger parties just to watch, or just to socialize with open-minded horny people. There is no need to dive in head (or pussy) first.

If you want to explore a real polyamorous (love) relationship with a woman, free yourself of the couple-centric idea that your h must be involved in every single date you have with your hypothetical prospects.

Here are two articles to read on this subject. One is short and sweet, one is longer and very informative.

Detangling:

The Most Skipped Step When Opening a Relationship

You’ve had hundreds of hours of discussions on what your open relationship will look like? Check!

medium.com

Unicorn hunting:

So, someone called you a Unicorn Hunter?

This article is a long, technical discussion of what being a "Unicorn Hunter" means, what's wrong with it, and how people in such a situation can try to avoid the negative stereotypes associated with such behavior and get the things that they are ultimately looking for. It is written in a…

davidlnoble.livejournal.com

Also, get a hold of a copy of Opening Up, which may be the best book out there for former monos who want to try any form of open relationship: swinging, hierarchical poly, or full on polyamory. It's for solo people as well as for couples. It can tell you how to go about opening, common pitfalls and speed bumps, how to meet partners who are open to swinging or poly, etc., etc.

I hope this helps!