how much to advertise/boundaries.

B

brambles38

New member
I am curious about other perspectives.

Say you were considering someone as a primary, but still working out what you want from one another-- how would you feel about them stating on their FB info that they are looking for many lovers?

In theory, I am okay with it. But at a gut level it puts me off and bothers me. I can't quite figure out why. I don't want to make a fuss about it to my lover, but I don't want to ignore my feelings, either.

It feels like there is something careless or unfeeling about advertising for new people like that. It seems a bit disrespectful to one's current lover/s. But I am also open to new people, so what's the difference?

I am still very carefully weighing if polyamory is right for me. Maybe my concern is rooted in a monoamorous point of view.

Opinions?
 
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I think if you are uncomfortable, then you should come up with an alternative that you are more comfortable with and suggest it. Maybe re-word it, so that it says something similar and gets the point across, but makes you feel more respectful. I'm not sure where on FB you say that you are interested in many lovers, so I don't know how this suggestion might help, but even on dating sites I have been known to ask my husband how he feels about my wording on such matters. I never want him to feel less valuable or less loved by my words. He helped me quite a bit with what I said back then, even if I just took a moment to consider his feelings and empathize with how it might feel if it were he writing it about himself. Maybe suggesting to your partner that they step back and emapthize will help, at the very least.
 
Oh, it was a status update? I still stand by what I say-- have a chat about how that made you feel, and some offerings for how she could say things with more consideration towards your feelings. But yeah, then let it go.
 
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