How should I introduce myself as poly to people I want to date?

Haro383

New member
I know that being poly is only a part of who I am as a person and isn't my entire identity, but I don't want to open up every conversation with "I'm poly" like it's the only thing about me. I feel like to some degree I should state it relatively early, because I want to be upfront and honest with the people I meet. Anyone I go out with deserves to know what they are getting into. What experience do people here have?
 
Hi Haro,

This is a two-part problem. The first part is, you don't want someone to think that polyness is your only attribute. But the second part is, you don't want someone to feel like they were wasting their time. Polyamory isn't for everyone, for some it's a total deal breaker and honestly, that's okay. Truth be told, you don't want to waste your own time either, dating a person who's only going to break up with you anyway when they find out you're polyamorous. Generally I recommend telling them by the second or third date, but some people are adamant about telling them on the first date. As for what to say, I think simplest is best. "I should let you know, that I am nonmonogamous." Then you just answer any questions they may have.

If you have an online dating account, such as on OKCupid, the right thing to do is post notice of your polyness in your profile description. Then if you end up messaging someone, you give them direct notice of your polyness in case they didn't notice that part of your profile. I guess the thing to say is, that when in doubt, err on the side of giving too much notice too early, rather than take a chance of saying too little too late.

Anyway that's my 2¢.
Regards,
Kevin T.
 
Thank you! I'll work on being forward and honest with people at a comfortable pace.
 
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